Women seeking women

[TwistedForest]

Hey Mumsnetters! So perhaps this isn't the best place to ask this question but here goes!

I have a male partner, no kids, both in our 30s and recently we got to talking (over a good few drinks) about our sexual history and I told him about a drunken fumble I had with a woman years ago. This progressed into a further conversation about my sexuality and curiousity about women/if I might be bi.. the conversation was relaxed and fun and he didn't seem phased at all.. he then suggested that I might think about exploring this further alone.. HE suggested! We both found the thought a turn on and the night ended very steamy indeed (best sex we've had in months) it's nit since been mentioned.

Ever since it's all I can think about and I'm seriously considering possibly trying to find a woman to date. But how does one go about this?? Do I try search for women in similar situations (bi curious with partner) are there other women out there in my position? Would lesbian or bisexual women find this off-putting? I'm not even sure what I'd be looking for.

I guess any experiences/guidence would be a great help! Anyone else been in this situation? Also, am I being super selfish here?

Hey everyone! Interesting debate going on 😊I guess what I'm worried about is developing feelings for a woman as romantically I feel like the urge is there. I've never really enjoyed sex with men until my current partner. This has caused me to dig deep and question whether I've been more female inclined all this time and it's about the person not the gender - pansexual?

Is it more ethical to seek out other curious women with partners than gay/bi women? The thing is, I find gay women very attractive - it's their confidence in their sexuality that appeals 😍

@TwistedForest I'd say so. As a curious woman with a partner myself, I'd definitely feel more comfortable going for another woman who's also in that situation

I'm a married woman and we have a FWB. No feelings other than sex. Works for us.

I see discussions and ideas here on this thread. Has anyone been able to move on and meet any women yet. Obvs don't want to see details on a public board but maybe a first kiss?

If the likelihood you will develop feelings for another woman, then imo your doing your marriage a disservice. No matter what your husband may be saying currently.

I've been in a relationship with a male for over thirty years but do have a female fwb I see 🤷‍♀️.
It might be wrong for others but works fine for me .

You might be right @rach971 I'm using an app and haven't come across many in similar positions yet. But from this thread it seems they're out there! So sadly no 1st kisses to report, yet..😀

I don't know if I'm capable of falling for another woman @CallumDansTransitVan but I assume there's always a chance of developing feelings with fwbs. Can fwbs still work with feelings? Surely some emotional connections will form if you like them.

This is a complicated one, due to you being married.

Back in my teens, a group of close (girl) friends used to do what we called "kissing practice", allegedly to make us better kissers for when we were with boys.

Fast forward to my 30s (I'm in my 40s now) and I was taken quite by surprise when working away from home and an invite from a female colleague, who worked on the site I was visiting, invited me to her home for a video and a pizza. That evening I discoverd a side to me I did not know I had and made me womder about my teen years. She said she could read the vibes, that is vibes I did not know I was putting out. It certainly was an awakening and I never saw the end of the video.

There have been women (and men) since. These days I just regard myself as "sexual" with no ptrefix required. It's right though what has been siad by others that most women do not want to be treated as an experiment. Likewise, I would never get involved in a 2xF 1xM situation as I do not wish to become a male enterntainment centre.

Quite whether seein another woman while beinf in a M/F marriage would work I don't know, but I would think it full of risks and need a lot of understanding from all involved. weigh everything up carefully. Sex without friendship is difficult (in my view) unless it's a one off and purely driven by passion.

Imo it would take an incredibly strong couple to bring another into the relationship where there are emotional feelings. The likelihood is that one will end up being or feeling left out.

A purely sexual thing is completely different, and as said before, you have to be able to accept after the session you all kiss say goodnight and go home to the person you love.

Hello everyone. Just wanted to thank you all for the support. Mini update - I've recently found out a friend (not a close one) has been having curiousities for women, she also has a partner so it's great to be able to share it with someone in real life. There's also been a bit of flirting between us, so... wondering if something might happen! She's invited over for dinner one evening so fingers crossed!

If anything happens with us it just raises the issue of will it cause issues with our friendship? Like I say we aren't close and fairly newish friends. But argh why is all this so difficult?! 😆

Anyone else have any updates or wisdom? 😁

How did the dinner go OP? Any more interesting conversations? So glad I stumbled across this thread I have no one to talk to irl

I've just read through all the posts. I'm poly and pansexual, I can agree with PPs who said that approaching women who are with a male partner for sex can be offputting - I turn down approaches from women who are partnered who are looking to experiment, whether or not the male is directly involved, as it feels to me to be a bit fetishistic and I don't like the idea of being a unicorn.

But that's because I'm poly and I'm looking for ongoing emotional relationships, and I'm not often offered that by these scenarios, which seem to be more to the benefit of the couple. If you're looking for a swing-type relationship, then meeting women on Fab Swingers or at swing clubs could be a good one. If you're near the Midlands, Unseen Rogue is a women-only sex and kink event in Derby which is brilliant.

However, if your partner is in agreement about an open relationship, and you have the potential to be a long-term partner, then I would be interested in someone like that.

I think it's more about seeing what your partner is happy with (sorry if I've missed any update about that). In terms of meeting people, Feeld is a great dating app for ENM but be specific - swingers are on there as well as poly, and both want different things, so it's being clear about whether you're looking for a purely sexual relationship or dating someone. Her is a lesbian app that my friends recommend but I haven't used it yet.

If anything happens with us it just raises the issue of will it cause issues with our friendship? Like I say we aren't close and fairly newish friends. But argh why is all this so difficult?! 😆

As for friendship, I always get a friendship with people before I do any other kind of relationship, so I'm all for it! But I wouldn't do relationships with people that are ultra-close, like my brother-in-law or my DP's best friend.

In September I asked if anyone has been lucky. Well I have in a way.
Least favorite was a pick up in a Gay friendly pub. Hands in knickers in the loo!
Then a very nice friend of a friend who was Bi Curious, She was so nice as a friend and in bed but obsessive about secrecy. Whereas I do want discretion but willing to meet some of my friends with GF and let it develop.
Have recently met a lady of my age at swimming, Here's hoping

@Jemimapedal Are you really trying to find/meet lesbian or Bi women for meaningful relationships or are you deliberately trying to seduce Straight or slightly Bi-Curious women?
If the latter is it some kind of power thing with you? Like a man being very charming and love bombing the inexperienced so as to score a big total of virgins.

Hey guys! It's some time since I've posted here, was just wondering how it's going with you all? Any updates will be hugely appreciated! 😀

Just a quick update from me to say - I'm no longer just 'curious!' Me and my friend did get it on, and we've been seeing eachother on a casual basis ever since. All I can say is if you are having these curious feelings then it's well worth exploring 😍

That's encouraging to hear @TwistedForest 🤩 Has it impacted your main relationship at all? Do you think there's any risk of you developing feelings for your female lover?

It's amazing when curiosity gets the better of you isn't it 🤣