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Do you have sex when your teen DC are in the house?

63 replies

Mybusyday · 15/08/2023 00:01

A little bit light hearted but also an actual problem - My DH doesn’t like to have sex whilst our DC are in the house. DC are 14 and nearly 13 and it has been like this for the past few years which is really difficult. I try to reason that we would be quiet and discreet and would make sure that they are asleep first and even put a chair in front of the bedroom door just incase but he is having none of it (literally!) Is this what it is going to be like from now on now that the kids are older? Does anybody else have this problem or any helpful suggestions? I’m sick of having to wait until they are at school and I certainly don’t want to have to wait until September to have sex again!

OP posts:
CplT · 17/08/2023 17:26

FinnGermey · 17/08/2023 16:43

Does a door wedge work if you use it to stop a door being opened, rather than it being used to keep a door from closing? I know that if force is used, it won't stop the door being opened but anything that at least makes someone stop and think is useful. My teenage daughters will often just walk in to our bedroom, even though I have asked term to knock & will knock before entering their rooms.
A stopper sounds preferable to a bolt which could be a bit messy for an amateur like me to install!

We fitted a stick on handle lock. Bought from Amazon for a couple of quid. It's rock solid and you just peel the tape off and stick it on.

Pastryapronsucks · 17/08/2023 18:25

allthebeautifulflowers · 15/08/2023 14:13

This is very clearly labelled as a sex topic. If a little humour about sex makes you so very uncomfortable, it's easy enough to avoid these threads. Faux outrage is a very dull hobby.

Absolutely

fitofthegiggles · 18/08/2023 16:23

I'm sorry you have this issue OP. It must be very frustrating.

Beyond accepting certain limitations (bedroom-only sex and being careful to keep our noise levels down) we've never found this a problem. We've got four kids in their late teens/early twenties all still at home at the moment.

Whether we've ever been overheard by them I couldn't say. They've never mentioned it and we've certainly never asked!

Mybusyday · 18/08/2023 22:01

fitofthegiggles · 18/08/2023 16:23

I'm sorry you have this issue OP. It must be very frustrating.

Beyond accepting certain limitations (bedroom-only sex and being careful to keep our noise levels down) we've never found this a problem. We've got four kids in their late teens/early twenties all still at home at the moment.

Whether we've ever been overheard by them I couldn't say. They've never mentioned it and we've certainly never asked!

Thank you

OP posts:
sentinent · 20/08/2023 23:17

Also move to duvet on floor for extra noise reduction.

CplT · 22/08/2023 12:04

FinnGermey · 17/08/2023 16:43

Does a door wedge work if you use it to stop a door being opened, rather than it being used to keep a door from closing? I know that if force is used, it won't stop the door being opened but anything that at least makes someone stop and think is useful. My teenage daughters will often just walk in to our bedroom, even though I have asked term to knock & will knock before entering their rooms.
A stopper sounds preferable to a bolt which could be a bit messy for an amateur like me to install!

We used to use a metal door wedge/jam. It was red with a screw mechanism on it. We bought it off Amazon. Worked well. Very solid.

Mybusyday · 22/08/2023 23:50

sentinent · 20/08/2023 23:17

Also move to duvet on floor for extra noise reduction.

Oh great idea thank you!

OP posts:
Mybusyday · 22/08/2023 23:50

CplT · 22/08/2023 12:04

We used to use a metal door wedge/jam. It was red with a screw mechanism on it. We bought it off Amazon. Worked well. Very solid.

Brilliant - thank you!

OP posts:
Gilles27 · 23/08/2023 16:27

We had a strict 'knock and wait for an answer' rule, which seemed to work, until it didn't when one of our teenagers walked in on us. Luckily we were under the duvet so they saw nothing, but we did talk about it afterwards with all the kids and it never happened again!
We also assume that they do things in their rooms that requires some privacy and are always careful.

LlynTegid · 23/08/2023 17:34

I agree about having conversations about privacy and knocking and that it works both ways.

CplT · 24/08/2023 08:14

Additionally, other 'noise absorption' measures are useful. Things like thick carpet, curtains, rugs etc. I've also put extra layers of carpet under the bed, wardrobes and the foam draft excluder around the door (this makes one hell of a difference!) There are other measures but it all get's a bit tedious then!

Franticbutterfly · 24/08/2023 17:22

Yes quietly with a locked door.

Mybusyday · 24/08/2023 22:25

Gilles27 · 23/08/2023 16:27

We had a strict 'knock and wait for an answer' rule, which seemed to work, until it didn't when one of our teenagers walked in on us. Luckily we were under the duvet so they saw nothing, but we did talk about it afterwards with all the kids and it never happened again!
We also assume that they do things in their rooms that requires some privacy and are always careful.

Oh dear!!

OP posts:
topgan · 25/08/2023 06:13

@Mybusyday @PinotPony @allthebeautifulflowers @NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin @CplT @Zanatdy @HennyPenny1234 @overdalexx @Rieslinger @FinnGermey @Pastryapronsucks @fitofthegiggles @LlynTegid @Franticbutterfly

I believe it greatly depends on the age of your children and their level of maturity. I'll be turning 19 in a few months, and I'm fully aware that my mother has sexual relations with her husband. I've accepted this situation as something normal and part of their intimate sphere, which doesn't concern me.

My stepfather often works nights, so the day after lunch, they retire to their bedroom. My mother lets me know that they need privacy, so whenever possible, I leave the house or go downstairs to study, not disturbing her until they come out.

I caught them once, about three years ago, shortly after they got married. I opened the door without knocking, and I can guarantee it was a scene I would have preferred not to witness.

I subsequently received a punishment that I never wanted to experience in my entire life.

Since then, I've learned my lesson, and it will never happen again that I invade their privacy.

Therefore, even though they don't lock the door, I prefer not to knock at all and wait for them to come out on their own. Moreover, just a few days ago, they told me that they would like to gift a younger sibling to my little sister and asked me if I would like that. It's clear that in order to have a child, sexual relations are necessary.

topgan · 25/08/2023 06:34

@PinotPony

I am happy and grateful to my mother for engaging in a dialogue about sexuality and providing education on this topic in a natural, taboo-free manner. I am convinced that concealing such matters only contributes to generating a sense of strangeness and shame around them.

liamoom · 25/08/2023 08:19

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CplT · 25/08/2023 08:42

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DoorJammer Portable Door Lock Brace for Home Security and Personal Protection (DJ3 - DoorJammer (Standard)) https://amzn.eu/d/5gKSmOc

liamoom · 25/08/2023 08:59

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ThePenguinsKnee · 25/08/2023 10:26

There is another solution - get a hotel room. I know there's the cost of living crisis, and not everyone can afford it, but you can get a budget hotel (Travelodge, Ibis etc.) Depending on where you live, you might find one under fifty quid for the night.

Book a babysitter, or if your kids are older tell them it's date night. Book a nice meal in a restaurant, go to hotel, work up appetite, go for meal, go home.

If (and I really doubt anyone will) they ask why you were so long, just say you had a couple of drinks after the meal.

Or, look into Dayuse where you can book hotel rooms during the day and make up some really boring activity like shopping or visiting a garden centre or whatever works for you to get out of the house for a couple of hours without the teens.

liamoom · 26/08/2023 06:14

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Saraooo · 26/08/2023 12:27

Can you just church then out into the back garden for 30mins?

80skid · 28/08/2023 21:44

I have a lock on my bedroom door, isn't this normal?? I miss it on holiday, I'm not keen on the thought of kids wondering in at any given point

Peachyscream · 28/08/2023 22:41

I have a lock on my bedroom door, but I reckon a kids cupboard lock that has sticky pads would work if you're not up for diy

CplT · 29/08/2023 08:17

Peachyscream · 28/08/2023 22:41

I have a lock on my bedroom door, but I reckon a kids cupboard lock that has sticky pads would work if you're not up for diy

We have one. Works well.

Frangipaneloathing22 · 01/09/2023 03:00

Quite simply; we find very early morning sex is best when there are teenagers in the house because they are all out for the count.

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