Help- I'm so horny!!!

[ArtemisFlop]

Perimenopausal, mid 40s, divorcing after long marriage where sex was rare and underwhelming in final years.

Started HRT and I'm just horny all the time!

I can barelyConcentrate on my job or chores for thinking about sex all the time. I feel like a teenager. It's an incredible feeling but almost unbearable too.

Problem is I have no partner and little prospect of finding one. Anyone else have this in their forties!

👋

I do! Luckily my husband has, for want of a better phrase, stepped up! I understand how you feel though, the frustration can be completely overwhelming sometimes.

@DixonD that's so good about your husband stepping up!! How long have you had this? X

Not sure why the comment about feeling like a teenager needed to be dropped in there. 🤔

Some good toys? A FWB? Not sure if that’s helpful and sure you would have thought of !

It’s been a few years on and off (I’m 41) but it’s ramped up a bit over the last few months. It’s not been so bad this month but I don’t think I ate for the whole of June because all I could think about was sex.

I assume because of all the crazy hormones you get around the teenage years.

I assume because of all the crazy hormones you get around the teenage years

It was unnecessary and we get far too many weirdos trying to link to kids/teens to sex in any way possible on this board. Lots deleted for doing just that lately.

@DrunkenHandstand apologies, I was just trying to convey how giddy I've been telling. Last time I can remember feeling this obsessed with sex was that time in my life. Didn't mean to be inappropriate.

Feeling not telling

@DixonD that's how I am: I don't even feel like eating. I solo parent so no possibility of finding FWB. Desperate for my kids to go to bed so I can use toys but they're little buggers and stay up late. Will it subside? I'm 45 so older than you but didn't start the HRT until recently though with the benefit of hindsight I think I've been in peri for at least 5 years!

You ought to have every opportunity to find a FWB casually, if you can organise something in relation to the kids on a weekend, for example, staying over with their friends, for instance. Not easy, but multiple opportunities if you really need to sort this out. Toys and fun on your own is a partial solution, but not an entire one. Good luck.

@DGConsultant sleepovers would be tricky as one of my children has special needs though worth aiming for. But how on earth does one find a FWB? Do people look online? I don't meet men ever!

@ArtemisFlop I get that your child having special needs poses real challenges here, meeting men for a no strings sexual arrangement is very simple, if your up-front with expectations, though. Multiple apps, Tinder, Bumple, be clear with the objective. So many threads on here looking for the same thing/other women going through a similar experience.

Bizarre bizzare bizarre.

Bizarre bizzare bizarre.

I agree. So bizarre that people want to talk about young kids/teens on this board.

@DrunkenHandstand There does seem to be more than ever lately, good that they’re being deleted. Hopefully this OP didn’t realise it’s been such an issue.

Cripes.
Some folks see dodgy stuff everywhere.
The comment was clearly innocent.
As anyone with any empathy sense of context could see.
I think some folks need to keep themselves busy.
Washing curtains?
Oo. Curtains, sounds like ....

I also agree that people see dodgy stuff anywhere! It was clearly a turn of phrase, not meant in anyway like you are suggesting. You have made it dodgy!

@ArtemisFlop you will have to perfect the art of silent masturbation. I also hit the phase that you are in the throes of and it's not easy to deal with. I discovered lots of new toys and found that I could use one downstairs late at night and shut the doors and not be heard.
Maybe you could buy a waterproof one for use in the shower/bath?
You will be glad/sad to know that it fades a bit so this username is not quite true anymore, a year or 2 down the line.

Aah @Alwayshorny I am indeed staying up very late at night with toys. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks! I really would love to meet someone whilst I feel this way.

I was like that too staying up all hours. I used to rush home if the house was empty and be running up the stairs to get down to it!
I've no idea how to meet someone though sorry. Try the usual online stuff I suppose.
Good luck!

Happened to me when I was 45. Periods stopped abruptly one month (and I mean abruptly - went from a regular cycle to not a drop). A few months later I was horny as hell. Totally out of it! Unfortunately for me, I was living in a sexless marriage (age gap/and I wasn’t attracted to him).

The horny feeling lasted a good two years. I was on heat. All the time. My personality was also affected. I also suffered with anxiety and the usual menopausal symptoms. I had zero support or guidance.

I ended up in an affair. Via a chat site. Stupidly. What started out as a bit of light hearted fun quickly turned into a passionate affair. However, looking back, it made me realise how empty my marriage was. I ended my marriage after meeting AP the second time. I fell for AP. Totally messed me up. And, yes, he still in my life after 6 years! We get on so well and that was lacking in my marriage. However, he won’t leave his wife. Of course he won’t. We are just friends now. I was extremely vulnerable tbh. Not just because I was living in a loveless/sexless marriage but also because I was being controlled by raging hormones (which are unbelievably powerful - they affected me in other ways too).

Sadly, I’ve been left alone as (a) I crave for someone I can’t have (and, yes, we are just friends now and luckily live 250 miles apart) and (b) this stops me from finding someone else. Divorce costs are insane btw!

I didn’t take HRT. Wish I had. Things may have been very different! My mother was RIP and I had no female guidance. My situation was awkward and I didn’t fancy telling everyone I was horny all the time! I also didn’t realise it was menopause that was causing it until after it was too late.

The crazy horny feeling did subside after 2 years but it has opened up my sexual side. I’m 6 years post menopausal now but crave sex and affection a lot now. I realise what I have missed out on. Physical contact. I get no joy from a toy! It’s a real man that I want and need. I’m still missing out! Laid alone in bed every single night. It’s shit!

I regret staying in a sexless relationship for so long. Well over a decade! I feel like I have let the ship sail.

I was naive when I met my older husband. Very inexperienced. He was poor at all things to do with sex and affection. I made a poor choice. Sadly.

@UsernameTwenty23 thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sure it isn't too late for you though.

That's interesting about the libido and menopause. Maybe it isn't the HRT then..

I believe it’s testosterone. Whether it becomes more dominant during menopause, regardless of whether you’re on HRT or not, I’m not sure.

Thanks.

For those who've experienced the HRT libido boost, does it last?
I've been sort of seeing someone on and off for a while and, after a long and sole destroying sexless marriage, I'm really enjoying this side effect of HRT. The sex has been better than I ever dreamed of, and is important to both of us, but it scares me that that might be tied up with HRT and that it might wear off. I'm nervous about investing in a proper relationship if an important bit is going to evaporate in a year or 3. I'd rather enjoy the HRT boost for what it is, wait for it to wear off and then see what's left.
So I guess this question is for the 70+yr olds. 🤣

I would indulge in a few good sex toys, both a dildo and a vibrator.

I didn’t take HRT and the hormones did settle (so less horny) but me sexual side had been awoken because, like you, I’d been in a long and sexless, soul destroying marriage and met a man who absolutely lit my fire 🔥! I believe it was the partner I’d had that led to me being not interested in sex pre-menopause.

Total game changer being with a passionate man!!

Enjoy it - it’ll last!