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Original poster

How do we come together or at least get me there first?

30 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 22/04/2023 09:56

So our dilemma is when I'm nearing orgasm, DH also gets harder and closer which then just takes me to the edge and I'm guessing tighter and then bam he explodes before I get there every time!
Now I'm not sure if I'm weird but the issue I am having is DH will now stop, slow down and change tactic but when I'm so close and near it's just an anti climax for me. It's a bit like when you are going to sneeze and you are so close and then someone stops you! And then the moment is gone and I struggle to get it back again, as normally feeling sensitive down there. So it's like a semi orgasm without the big finale. Am I weird is this normal? And how can I change this as it's leaving me frustrated now and thinking what's the point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/04/2023 09:57

Ps I have had orgasms and we have orgasmed together before but just not now.

OP posts:
Runaround50 · 22/04/2023 10:27

I'm not sure many couples do orgasm together? It's quite a skill I think.

Once DH had come, he ought to focus on you surely?

Runaround50 · 22/04/2023 10:28

He could make you come first? Then get down to PIV sex, if that's what you both want?

Mermaidparades · 22/04/2023 10:33

Since giving birth I haven’t been able to orgasm with my DP. I’m guessing stitches etc have changed my anatomy a little. So my DP ensures I have a few orgasms via oral/ fingering and when I’m satisfied we will move on to penetration for his orgasm. This method has been really successful for us for years now, and as he’s getting older his needs are beginning to change so we have recently begun to try having piv first for him, then attending to my needs afterwards.

Estherpologist · 22/04/2023 11:27

I think people only come together in the movies and Beatles songs. It's never happened for me. If you can get there together, I'm sure that's amazing, and maybe fun to work towards, but I wouldn't let that be the focus if I were in your shoes.
If you DH slows down and changes tactic, is that maybe out of necessity? After an orgasm, everything can get a bit sensitive and TBH I need to be left alone for a bit. Obviously I can't speak for your DH, but maybe his penis is just too sensitive to keep doing whatever he was doing?

Iloveabaconbutty · 22/04/2023 11:44

It's lovely when it happens for us but getting the timing right is more luck than judgement!

If I sense DW is approaching her orgasm during PIV I focus on her going for it, and try to keep the same rhythm going, etc, not change anything or distract her. Which is really enjoyable in itself. The rare occasions that we come together are a bonus!

AbsolutePixels · 22/04/2023 11:45

Could he wear a condom to reduce his sensitivity? Or perhaps he could think about something boring and unsexy to delay his orgasm?

Mermaidparades · 22/04/2023 11:55

@AbsolutePixels if someone told me to think about something boring and unsexy as I approached orgasm I might get a bit violent 😂

AbsolutePixels · 22/04/2023 12:02

@Mermaidparades but he will get to come (men always do, grrr)... My suggestions are so that OP also gets to enjoy an orgasm.

Iloveabaconbutty · 22/04/2023 12:15

Sometimes we don't get to come if she falls asleep straight afterwards! 😄

But seriously, @AbsolutePixels good suggestions. I think with me if I'm wanting to hold off while she's building up to orgasm I try to concentrate specifically on her and "holding steady" with the rhythm etc, and that, for me at least, is somehow sufficient distraction away from my own climax.

Mermaidparades · 22/04/2023 12:28

@AbsolutePixels I totally understand where you’re coming from! Maybe it’s just that my DP is very fragile but he actually doesn’t always get to orgasm, if he becomes uncomfortable or something worries him he will lose his ability to climax too.

AbsolutePixels · 22/04/2023 12:37

It's probably only about 10-20 seconds that OP is missing her orgasm by. He can think about his tax return for that duration, and then gets to come afterwards!

Mermaidparades · 22/04/2023 12:40

Yes, that’s true! I hope that works for them!

AbsolutePixels · 22/04/2023 12:43

If I sense DW is approaching her orgasm during PIV I focus on her going for it, and try to keep the same rhythm going, etc, not change anything or distract her

This sounds ideal. I've had a number partners who immediately start jack hammering away when they realise I'm getting close. It's extremely disappointing.

Men, please heed the advice above!!

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/04/2023 13:15

I think DH changing/stopping is more to do with him trying not to come but then that ruins it for me he just needs to keep going but delay coming by a few seconds! He is doing all the right things to get me there but just that last bit! Its a bit of a catch 22 I get tighter because I'm nearly there, he then gets harder, which makes it even more better for me making me even more tighter, him harder but then either he slows down and I lose it or he carries on an he comes before me! I don't mind now then buts it now every time!

OP posts:
MrEssAgain · 22/04/2023 13:53

I have come together with GFs and my wife. I think both getting close and hearing her say 'OMG I think I am going to come' and be really vocal just seemed to get me there at the same time...

Iloveabaconbutty · 22/04/2023 13:59

From a male perspective I'd go with @AbsolutePixels' suggestions that he maybe wears a condom (to lessen his sensitivity just a tad) or has a couple of thought distraction techniques it might be really helpful. Just to give you that bit longer to get there.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/04/2023 15:15

Great ideas thank you and good to have both perspectives! I will report back and see how it goes 😉

OP posts:
Iloveabaconbutty · 22/04/2023 15:37

Brilliant! All the best! 👍

DGConsultant · 22/04/2023 16:31

Good luck with this, very difficult. It's only happened once for me, incredible if you can manage It, but It there's a lot of luck involved.

josuk · 22/04/2023 16:36

I don’t have an easy time with PIV orgasms generally. For me it helps to ‘take matters in my own hands’ if I want to synchronise. Bit of clitoral stimulation with own fingers can work wonders.
Or else - get very very turned on before PIV - with lots of foreplay - so you are closer to climaxing anyway.

MovingonfromMartin · 22/04/2023 18:21

I am reminded of a former partner's distraction technique of naming the starting 11 for the footie team he supported.

Worked, even though it could be a bit off putting when he recited them out loud. 😄

Oldtadger · 23/04/2023 14:11

We managed to come together about 3 times in over 30 years of marriage. If you try too hard then, I suspect, you'll never manage it. I'd focus on your orgasm first and then let him follow. Relaxing with this approach probably gives you a better chance.

Interestingly enough we had more success coming together when we 69!

Anxiodogo · 23/04/2023 14:33

If I was that close, him cumming would definitely 'set me off', so I might begin a fraction of a second after him..... but almost together

bedtimeisthebest · 24/04/2023 07:07

It is veery rare to cum together.

My wife and I have probably achieved it twice, just coincidence more than anything. I've never managed it with my FwB.

I was having a threeway with the M andf F in our couples with benefit a month or two back and both the Male and I did cum at the exact same second but I'm sure that was a one off. We did try and repeat it later but I came first.

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