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Original poster

Sex when menstruating

36 replies

Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 09/04/2023 00:20

I have always had the higher sex drive in my relationship. I can get very frustrated when I haven’t had sex in a while.

DH is a 1-2 times a week kinda man, which is fine, but he point blank will not have sex with me if I am menstruating.

I do understand this. But it’s what he says - he is so bloody childish, it makes me feel angry, which on top of sexual frustration, bodes for a really unpleasant week.

He won’t have sex when he knows I’m due on soon because “I don’t want to get a surprise of blood all over my dick - it might be like pulling out a plug”.

Then even when I’ve tried to explain that on day 5, it’s sooooo light, it’s practically over, we can’t because “It’s gross!!”.

So this can rule out a good 9 days of the month, even when my flow is only heavy for two days and light thereafter, which makes me feel crap. Especially when I know he’s going to go jerk off over some porn instead…which ironically I find much more ‘gross’ than natural female body function.

And I’m at my most ‘horny’ when I come on top, which makes it all the more shit.

I obviously don’t want to force my husband to come around to the idea of sex on my period. I respect that he does not want to do this, but any idea on how to at least make him ‘grow up’ about it. I’m sick of hearing how gross it is.

OP posts:
imisscashmere · 09/04/2023 00:57

Er - tell him to stop talking about it being gross?

DGConsultant · 09/04/2023 01:14

I'm sure your husband has his admirable qualities, but It sounds as though you've hitched yourself to an infant. As long as not really bad, fucking your wife as she finishes her period, Isn't a major issue, and It is a little astonishing to refer to It as gross. Seems an intractable one, to be honest.

Original poster
Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 09/04/2023 01:25

imisscashmere · 09/04/2023 00:57

Er - tell him to stop talking about it being gross?

I have. He seems to have strong and offensive views that he feels justified in airing.

I hate feeling rejected because I’m due on in a day or two, whilst he retreats to the bathroom with his phone instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 09/04/2023 01:36

DGConsultant · 09/04/2023 01:14

I'm sure your husband has his admirable qualities, but It sounds as though you've hitched yourself to an infant. As long as not really bad, fucking your wife as she finishes her period, Isn't a major issue, and It is a little astonishing to refer to It as gross. Seems an intractable one, to be honest.

He is particularly infantile about this and I’m struggling to sleep tonight because I feel so pointlessly rejected.

I’ve come on late this month, by four days. So it’s been about a week since we last had sex…just incase he pulls out some fantasy plug and involuntarily becomes part of a blood bath 🙄

And now it’ll be at least another 5-6 days before he’ll be convinced my period has finished and the grossness is really over.

So that’s nearly two weeks of rejection whilst he masturbates over porn…because he simply must be able to have his release.

He’s a twat isn’t he.

OP posts:
DGConsultant · 09/04/2023 01:39

Diplomatically, yes...

Tex81 · 09/04/2023 07:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Softskinrocks · 09/04/2023 07:13

I had the same with mine. He worked away during the week and would say, every single time I was due to have my period over the weekend, that there was no point him coming home. Made me feel great, as you can imagine. And he wouldn’t come near me the whole time.

The difference was that I hated him and due to all sorts of other humiliating things, hated having sex with him so it was a real blessing! He wanted it all the time otherwise and sulked if he didn’t get it.

He’s now an ex - many reasons but that all contributed. I’m realising that I didn’t have a libido problem, what amazing sex is like and that there are men out there who won’t humiliate and shame you.

Not sure what my point is other than tell him how you feel and ask him to at least stop being such a childish idiot about it.

Newmummy343 · 09/04/2023 07:18

I'd get my vibrator and use it beside him in bed. Just be like you use porn then I'm pleasuring myself since you can't and I'm so 'gross'. Sorry but that is horrible and I really hope you're okay

pinkcheesy · 09/04/2023 08:30

Aside from his being a dick who doesn't deserve you....have you tried a menstrual disc? Designed for having period sex. I love my Lumma disc. Probably wouldn't use it on the very heavy days but it would prevent him "being covered in blood"!

Voyager54 · 09/04/2023 08:35

Use condoms if at all possible

Kenny69 · 09/04/2023 08:47

i have recently used condoms during period sex, even the smallest bit of blood gets everywhere , so thick dark towels and lots of tissues / wipes to hand are the order of the day.

Anxiodogo · 09/04/2023 09:18

Get the coil. Or use a little sponge on light days.

AlexaAdventuress · 09/04/2023 09:19

Hmm. I've had one or two like this, I'm afraid. Once that sense of disgust has become deeply ingrained in a person's makeup it's very difficult to shift. Fortunately, there are a good few prospective partners out there who relish a women's body and everything it can do, and it might be easier to go and look for one!

More seriously, it sounds like there's a fundamental incompatibility there. Once you know that your partner finds you yucky, it's very difficult to rebuild a sense of erotic interest or feel terribly comfortable with them.

AnuSTart · 09/04/2023 09:24

My DH is the same and it has caused real arguments purely, like you say, it isn't so much the rejection, it's about being considered gross.
My DH used to lie saying he didn't want to as I was in pain. I was very irritated by that as it's bullshit as for sure he'd take a blowjob.
Years ago I had strong words with myself as I acted a bit rapey to be honest and didn't respect that he didn't want to. This is bad. But now I just feel sad inside once a month.

Kenny69 · 09/04/2023 09:39

AnuSTart · 09/04/2023 09:24

My DH is the same and it has caused real arguments purely, like you say, it isn't so much the rejection, it's about being considered gross.
My DH used to lie saying he didn't want to as I was in pain. I was very irritated by that as it's bullshit as for sure he'd take a blowjob.
Years ago I had strong words with myself as I acted a bit rapey to be honest and didn't respect that he didn't want to. This is bad. But now I just feel sad inside once a month.

To be honest, I can sort of see his POV, we I was with my partner, we knew it would be a few weeks before we could could see each other again and she wanted sex, but she was also very self conscious about the blood, so it was missionary only, no fingers, no oral, as soon as we had finished she dashed off the shower- no cuddling, it just felt a bit flat and uncomfortable for both of us

Anotherbloke1 · 09/04/2023 09:50

My partner gets horny when she's on her period. She knows I won't have sex during that time and she totally understands. She will use her wand to help herself which is absolutely fine so maybe try that. I don't make a fuss about it and insist she totally over her period, as soon as she finishes we're back on it😁

Original poster
Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 09/04/2023 09:59

Thanks everyone.

I certainly don’t want to force it. He says no, so it’s no. But I think there may be an incompatibility issue sexually and I don’t think it can be resolved. I am left feeling rejected and frustrated…not to mention deeply unattractive…and a little unattract-ed to his childish ‘urgh gross!’ mentality.

I completely understand that someone may find it off-putting on days 1-3 when blood is present and noticeable. I am bemused by day 4 and certainly 5, where I am so light, I no longer need to worry about tampons or pads, or any mess at all. I also shower twice a day.

BUT, I loathe his attitude to the rest of the time. It’s pathetic.

I may look into the coil though as I’d forgotten that it can impact your flow.

Other than that, I guess I might refuse to give oral, because ugh gross! It’s a bodily fluid.

OP posts:
StormiDayz · 09/04/2023 10:00

To be honest, I think fair enough if he doesn't like it and you can't force him to do it.
In my experience I've had guys that like period sex, guys that are indifferent and ones that dislike it. I don't enjoy period sex because I bleed heavily and am in pain. I will have sex when it starts to lighten up. I don't think he should refer to periods as gross, because they aren't, they're just natural. But it can get messy and he's not necessarily in the wrong to want to avoid that.

StarlightLady · 09/04/2023 10:38

As I've got older (40s) periods have got heavier. These days I wouldn't normally have sex during the first few days of a period. No problem after that when it's lighter.

Your husband's attitude sounds weird though. Religious guilt perhaps. Women bleed and he needs to get over it.

Estherpologist · 09/04/2023 11:19

That he is uncomfortable having sex when you are menstruating shouldn't be a problem. We all have turn offs and we don't get to chose them.

However, he does need to listen to your side too. Try to have a conversation about it that explains how you feel when he rejects you and uses challenging language, and try to get him to empathise. If you can gently help him understand a bit more about periods, then maybe he can start to break down his aversion.

AlexaAdventuress · 09/04/2023 14:16

We just carry on as normal but use a towel underneath and have a shower afterwards if there's any mess. So it's nice and easy. But other partners in the past have found it vey icky indeed. There are so many taboos about the body parts involved - perhaps especially women's - that it's very easy for feelings of disgust to attach themselves to this sort of thing, so I'm not saying it's anybody's 'fault'. But it's really difficult when you've got opposing views on the matter.

Kenny69 · 09/04/2023 14:27

Estherpologist · 09/04/2023 11:19

That he is uncomfortable having sex when you are menstruating shouldn't be a problem. We all have turn offs and we don't get to chose them.

However, he does need to listen to your side too. Try to have a conversation about it that explains how you feel when he rejects you and uses challenging language, and try to get him to empathise. If you can gently help him understand a bit more about periods, then maybe he can start to break down his aversion.

Why should he need to break down his aversion?

if he doesn’t want to have sex during menstruation surely that’s his choice, in the same way that some women might choose not to 🤷‍♂️.

Estherpologist · 09/04/2023 15:19

Kenny69 · 09/04/2023 14:27

Why should he need to break down his aversion?

if he doesn’t want to have sex during menstruation surely that’s his choice, in the same way that some women might choose not to 🤷‍♂️.

Show quote history

That wasn't quite what I meant - an ambiguous choice of words on my part - and you're right, he shouldn't. It's something I would rather avoid, even though it really shouldn't be a big deal.

But what the OP has described is, in my opinion, a disporoportionate reaction on his part and it demonstrates a lack of knowledge, empathy, and an unwillingness to trust her knowledge of her own mensturation. Even if menstural sex is something he is not comfortable with, avoiding sex for up to 9 days, and the negative emotions that is causing for the OP, these are things that should be easy to address if they can discuss it maturely.

StarlightLady · 09/04/2023 16:29

To add, avoiding sex for up to 9 days, has nothing to do with menstruation. It sounds as if he does not understand "how a woman works".

34and3 · 09/04/2023 21:26

Interesting read as I'm the one who rejects dh for several days beforehand, neither of us want it during and so I'm off the hook for up to 10-14 days if I really want to stretch it out by saying I'm not sure when I'm due on Smile

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