Sexually frustrated

[namechanged9999]

I’ve had some amazing sex in my life. Me and bf are in our 30s. He never does foreplay. He will just turn me around and put it in when he’s in the mood and squeeze my ass beforehand. There’s no kissing, no fingering, he never goes down on me. He doesn’t seem to care if I come and I have to finish myself off. I can’t seem to get through to him. When we spoke he admits that me being turned on doesn’t turn him on because he could equally be any other guy so he doesn’t feel it’s special. And if he isn’t turned on by me being turned on by HIM then I don’t see why he’d pleasure me. I feel at this stage like I could be anyone, and like a hole in the wall. His MO is to squeeze my ass for a bit then go for it. What do I do? My ex husband took me to heaven and back in bed.

note my bf comes every time including through oral, deep throat, and all sorts.

Why do you allow this? How long has this been going on?

How incredibly selfish and disrespectful. Why would you put up with that?

IIf he doesn't know how to have sex properly, refuses to understand how a woman "works", why have sex with him at all?

Does it turn him off if you are turned on by him?

No OP, that’s not on. I’m sure it’s actually painful too. You deserve someone who is willing to learn, if they don’t already know what to do. I’d try one last time, explain it’s the last time, let him know that reciprocal sex is mind blowing and would be so much better for both of you. If he isn’t prepared to take that on board then I’m afraid I’d move on.

It’s been two years.

He is otherwise an incredibly nice person but he is so selfish in bed and I don’t get why.

I have never had oral pleasure from him and some guys don’t like it but like not even kissing, fingering etc.

Thank you. Also on the rare occasion that he does finger he he’s bad at it and it’s painful and even I try to guide him he gets offended. I’m starting to get annoyed

After 2 years I imagine the reason for it is either going to be a psychological trauma or else because he gets away with it!

Interesting question. I don’t know. I am quite sexually uninhibited and what most would call “nasty”. I’ve slept with 8 people, he’s slept with 50 plus (no joke) and he says that because I’m nasty he thinks I’d have enjoyed sex with anyone so he doesn’t feel special? I almost feel like I’m shamed for not being a virgin who has only ever known him.

His logic sounds a little messed up to me. And yeah, it’s like he’s bringing the ghosts of your former lovers into bed. That’s not healthy.

Is ‘nasty’ a colloquialism? I would be furious if not!!!

Haha I mean I am sexually uninhibited

I’m too old for your trendy speak 🤣

I can imagine he's slept with 50 people once

Who's describing you as 'nasty'? You or him? As I really don't think most people would describe you that way. Either way it's disgustingly misogynistic and really needs to stop - would you describe a man that way? You've only slept with 8 people to his 50 so how are you the 'nasty' one? It sounds to me that you don't want his crap sex so he's trying to make out there's something wrong with you. I don't know why you think this guy is any way nice as he really isn't, it just sounds grim.

He sounds completely selfish and if he refuses to change, I honestly don't know why you would stay with him.

Being sexually uninhibited, how many people either of you have slept with is all irrelevant and he is making excuses for his poor behaviour. He gets away with it because you keep letting him.

At the end of the day, I think you are both sexually incompatible. It depends on whether you can live with that or not.

Oh life is too short for that shit. I'd have a very frank conversation with him and make it clear it's a deal breaker (assuming it is for you?). If he doesn't change I'd be out of there. He is not taking your needs into account and that's not the action of a good partner, or someone who truly cares about you.

My quick reaction to your OP is "what an awful man".
Honestly Dear, you and all of us should be treated better than this.

Can't see him changing. Totally selfish and bad attitude. There's only one thing to say LTB.

OP, if he goes for the jugular so to speak and he won't even go down on you, he really is not doing his job properly and there are plenty of people out there who will.

I still don't understand why you are still putting up with this after two years

If he's no interest in your satisfaction and enjoyment in bed than he's not showing you any affection or respect.
I can't quite understand why you'd endure this from a partner, he's obviously only in it for himself and does not care that you are unfulfilled.
No wonder he's had so many partners, no of them wanted to come back for seconds.
If you've tried to educate him and he's not willing to how to fulfill a women then you either need to move on or suffer being his 'hole'.
I think you know the answer really.

Sexist man is shit at sex, shocker!

The really stupid thing is apart from the massive disrespect to you his own selfishness means he is missing out on so much himself

In a market research way, in terms of the more than 8 men I’ve slept with, I have never had sex with someone like that…🤣if you slept with another 100 men I think you’d be hard pushed to find someone as rubbish in bed as him.

I don’t believe he’ll actually just be like this in bed either. He’s really disrespecting you and it takes a certain type to do that.
He needs to feel special? He actually sounds really strange, and I would quietly remove him from your life as soon as you can.