I've never had a orgasm.

[Cheesecakeandvodka]

Im a 31 married women who's been married for 10yrs We have 3 kids together aged 10 to 3. Together 11 yrs.

Before i met my husband I had various sexual partners. i began having sex aged 15 ( i know its young)

Its just never happened no matter what i do

I have also tried various toys solo and with husband.

No medical issues or medication.

Is this normal or is there something wrong?

I was 59 so there's hope yet.

Do you have sexual fantasies? To orgasm through masturbation I need to be mentally stimulated as well as physically. I believe that the brain and clit need to be connected. I think once you know what makes you tick solo, it becomes easier to translate to having an orgasm with a partner. I would continue with the toys and focus on trying to orgasm alone as no one knows your body better than you do. I also recommend a wand vibrator if you've not already tried one.

Yes i do have fantasies while i use toys including a wand. Its like my body cant.

I think you have the potential to orgasm as you're not going to be made differently from other women. Do you get to a point where you feel pleasure building or is there nothing at all? Could there be something putting you off mentally?

I do feel pleasure building and i start shaking but then it just stops abruptly and after i feel nothing

You got to just keep going. Sometimes I plateau for one reason or another and my orgasm can take a while longer.

There are several apps which help you understand your body and how to masturbate. Google something like

Female masturbation apps

Maybe the shaking is an orgasm? You just haven't recognised it as one? Seeing as the feeling drops off after maybe you've peaked - either that or you're just getting really, really close and you just need to let go a little bit more to actually climax. I wonder if you're trying too hard and because you're trying so hard and not just letting go it's just not happening.

I have wondered if i have but didn't know if so what's the big deal lol!!
I haven't really thought about it in a few years as i decided just to enjoy what i feel at the time. Its not until recently that i want know how it feels even the once again.

If you're wondering if you have or not, you haven't. Orgasms are intensely pleasurable, coupled with pelvic contractions/ waves. They're unmistakable. It sounds like you're almost there but failing to reach your peak. I visualise it as pleasure slowing building, like climbing a mountain, before sliding off.

I really want you to figure it out. Every woman on this Earth deserves orgasms!

Hopefully one day!!!

I didn't have an orgasm for many years, I had an issue with letting go and being so very desperate to 'get there'. I still struggle to, without the intervention of a toy to force the bugger out! My relatively recent discovery of what I call the clit sucker type toys have somewhat rocked my orgasmic world! Maybe you could try one of those?

Ask you DH to learn about Yoni massage, maybe he can bring you to new levels of pleasure focused only on you.

This is so weird @Cheesecakeandvodka I came here to post the same thing! Also the same age as you 😮

I was going to post and ask if this is fairly common or if it's just me. Im wondering if there is a physical thing where some women are just not able to or if maybe I need to look inwards to something psychological 🤔

Keep going with the toy. I have only ever had a cliterol stimulation orgasm, so from PIV I can only orgasm if I’m on top so I get the friction. I’d like to try and have a G spot orgasm. My new wand has an attachment so I’m going to try it when I get a bit of alone time. I can orgasm easier for oral sex but I do have to have mind engaged too, and sometimes I try not to come too early, especially with my new bf as he likes long sex sessions (last time was nearly 2hrs!) and once I come I get really numb so sometimes I lose the moment

I disagree, it does sound like something is building up and reaching a peak before stopping.
This was what I had before I realised it was orgasms. When I realised I enjoyed it more and could enhance it by tensing my tummy etc. But it was happened without me 'knowing'for a while

In the politest way… are you overweight? this could affect your pelvic floor and reduce sensation so that’s why after the shaking if you do orgasm you’re then not feeling much.

@Cheesecakeandvodka no one can say if anything is wrong either physically, mentally or it is just poor sex. However, a friend of mine confided in me a few years ago that she had never had an orgasm, which I found simply incredible and also sad. Her relationship eventually broke down and after a fair break she met someone, more sexually experienced than her but she confided in me one evening out that her second time with him she experienced an orgasm and described as overwhelming and earth shattering. It appears he really knew what buttons to push and touch, took a long time and maybe, mentally she was ready to let go. She never had a problem since.

I've tried to respond to this post several times but given up as I have inadvertently sounded so condescending, so I apologise in advance.

So, to be blunt. OP, have you definitely located your clitoris? You would not have been the first. Maybe a little exploring with a small bullet vibey might assist?

Not quite the same situation but I learned to orgasm a different way from usual at 49. I believe it's still a relevant bit of experience.

First of all I gave myself lots of time. Like, all afternoon. The day before my breakthrough I spent 90 minutes plus. The day it happened it took 45 minutes.

I used lube and plenty of it. It makes everything better. Sadly the clitoris doesn't self-lubricate.

I got very aroused. That's kind of crucial.

I used a bullet, but if a wand works for you thats great.

I put my fingers inside myself, not for erotic reasons, but to feel what was happening. And what I felt as things built and I wasn't far off was a sudden muscle change. I had been bearing down and as I got close my muscles pulled back from that position and stopped that process.

It turned out I had in my head something I'd never consciously thought about - a fear of urinating at orgasm. I'd heard about it but never thought it applied to me. Turned out my muscles were thinking about it even if I wasn't.

So, I put down a towel, got on with it, and consciously bore down as I got close. Bingo.

It's changed my life so so much for the better as now my partner can also get involved which never previously happened. That's why I share in this much detail- I agree with the statement above, every woman deserves the time and space to figure out her own orgasm.

restarting my old thread as its been almost a year and have tried everything pp told me too. Hoping for new suggestions for the next year lol

Hi @Cheesecakeandvodka . I'm sorry that you are still hunting down that elusive orgasm. Since my post last year, I have (well, he has) perfected the art of an orgasm from oral. Now that I know it's going to happen I can relax into it and there is no wondering if I might or putting myself off because I might!
I'm in my 50s and had never had one up to this point from oral. I think probably 50% or more of the battle (if that's the right word?)is in our own heads and the other is down to the skill of our partner.

Have you tried www.omgyes.com?

Ok I’m going to tell you what I do if I’m having trouble getting there. Firstly make sure that you are lined up if you can’t get wet naturally. I then play with my clit as I’m doing this I squeeze my pelvic floor and count to a certain number . I then release the pelvic floor and push out like when you pee and repeat. This creates the tension the build up. Carry on if you release fluid when you push out. At some point you can go from squeezing to pushing out this is when you go heavy on the clit and carry on rubbing it. Orgasm follows.

try getting your partner to do the clit play for you but tell him to carry on he must carry on. At some point you’re going to find it too much but you have to go beyond that.