I've never had a orgasm.

[Cheesecakeandvodka]

Im a 31 married women who's been married for 10yrs We have 3 kids together aged 10 to 3. Together 11 yrs.

Before i met my husband I had various sexual partners. i began having sex aged 15 ( i know its young)

Its just never happened no matter what i do

I have also tried various toys solo and with husband.

No medical issues or medication.

Is this normal or is there something wrong?

Thanks for the new suggestions. Haven't tried them as yet but will when im in the mood and have time.

As a bi woman I have experienced oral with a few women. I don't think I remember a GF who didn't orgasm. Perhaps there was more time we were more relaxed and less pressure to 'perform' or to prove to each other. (Just saying)

Women fake with other women not just with men Just saying.....

@Cheesecakeandvodka A woman faking to another woman. Surely Not 🤔
There are times when we haven't wanted to climax and enjoy making that half-way stage last. 😀

@Normanockers

So not going to pretend ive ever been with a women but My sister is a lesbian and a few years ago she had a great partner but the sex was terrible to the point she would fake just so she could sleep. It surprised me as i always thought women faked it so the man wouldn't get a bruised ego.
Also it actually sounds great just enjoying yourself without that pressure

@Cheesecakeandvodka I never had to fake it in 20yrs with ExH. I have not been in a relationship with a woman over 12 months so not reached the tedium stage that is reported on so many MN Relationship Threads.

Have you had any sexual trauma in the past? 15 is very young to start sex and the first experience makes a big impact on the rest of your sexual experiences. Perhaps at some point you learned to disconnect from your body during sex for your own safety? You could try speaking to a sex therapist and in the mean time don't put pressure on yourself just enjoy being intimate with your lover.
I can orgasm but not via penetration and I'm 39. I told my husband that this next decade of our lives is going to be dedicated to my vagina... I don't want to die without knowing what it feels like to orgasm from the inside. He's totally onboard lol but I know a lot of it has to do with trauma and I think at some point I need to book a few sessions with a therapist. Also.. don't drink alcohol before you have sex, it increases your confidence but kills your orgasm.

No sexual trauma. I think because im now 32 and it's yet to happen.It won't now
I dont think i find dh sexually attractive anymore. Haven't in a while but never felt brave enough to say it or think it.
I won't separate over sex tho.

Thanks again

Have you tried masturbating to porn? Obviously you have to find what you like and what type you are comfortable watching, but it's helps me to orgasm considerably quicker than I used to (which helps when time alone is limited!)

I think you need to practise pleasuring yourself on your own before trying to have an orgasm with your DH. You say you have tried sex toys, have you tried the clit suction ones? One of those combined with a pleasure gel like tickle me pink is a good combination. I would try to relax on your own, de-stress and take the focus away from trying to orgasm and just enjoy the sensations. The best orgasms come when you relax and take your time. For other tips the Love Lab podcasts on Spotify are great, according to these the optimum time to build up for the best female orgasm is 45 minutes.

@Cheesecakeandvodka , don't take me too seriously but at 01.03 today you said you wouldn't leave him because of indifferent sex. Very understandable.
From reading about many relationships on MN, in 10 years time you might have a different view.
Your intention to do something about it which was your reason for starting The Thread was a very good idea and will remain a very good idea.

Restarting a old thread as I.still haven't had one but my sex drive is insane just now
I actually think it might never happen :(

Have you considered sex therapy? Maybe there’s something holding you back that you’re not conscious of?

What are you trying when you have solo sex? I don't think it's likely to happen with a partner for the first time so concentrate on solo.

Are you using toys? And focusing on your clit? Trying different positions eg some women can only orgasm on their stomach etc? Have you tried tensing your abs/legs? I need to do both those things to get there.

When you get to that point of a plateau take a short few breaths break and then keep pushing through it, sometimes the feeling can disperse at the wrong time and this can happen a few times you just have to keep chasing the good feelings

Get the womanizer toy. That'll get you there 👍😆

Doesn't sound like you have. You need to push on beyond the shaking, you will know.

It sounds like you may need to work on your pelvic floor exercises? I think it’s the nhs squeezer app? Or see a women’s health physio to assess your pelvic floor! It is a muscle that contracts so needs to be strong for an orgasm.

I’m sure it doesn’t work for everyone but does for me. Have you tried having both your nipples stimulated at the same time as your clit? Also sometimes I find it easier to orgasm when I lie on my front.

finally if the wand is making you shake and plateau without orgasm try something gentler. A bullet or womaniser?

good luck!

Also out of interest- have you ever had an orgasm when you have a sexy dream? I get them if it’s been a while. Again not sure if everyone does

It may be somewhat controversial OP but l suspect another woman who knew what buttons to press could take you there.

I agree with the suggestions that this is an orgasm, a lousy one, but nevertheless a climax. Therefore:

1. Sort out some private time on your own, you can have sex in any way that you want, whereas if you are with someone else, it has to be how they want it too.

2. Be relaxed, it won't happen unless you are totally confident and relaxed. I have a friend who never orgasmed until she went away for a dirty w/e, and then she had a dozen O every night. The issue was that her b/f lived near her dad & she was worried that her dad would drive past & see her car in the b/f drive.

3. Do some porn reading to give you ideas to masturbate to. You won't know what does it for you, in fact, it might even shock you, but that doesn't matter because it's never going to leave your head.

Now set about getting those shudders and see if you can improve their effectiveness.