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Should I be annoyed that my partner watches porn?

58 replies

babyloon13 · 19/02/2023 19:34

So I know lots of opinions on this topic will vary. However, I've been away for the weekend with friends and got home today and have since found out my partner has been watching porn and pleasuring himself whilst I've been away. I can't help but feel it's a little disrespectful; as why would you want to take pleasure by watching other women etc? I know he doesn't know them but personally I wouldn't ever look at anybody else in an intimate way to pleasure myself, including porn. Am I being unreasonable for feeling a little upset? He knows I don't like it and has said before he won't watch it anymore, but I know he has multiple times since he said he'd stop.

OP posts:
SpecialK2023 · 21/02/2023 06:42

blippyissilly · 20/02/2023 21:14

The real reason so many women have an issue with porn is because they can't handle the thought of their partner wanking off over younger, hotter women

Porn is here to stay and if your partner wants to watch it he will and there's nothing you can do about it

I agree - the aspects of it I don’t like are exactly that.

Obviously don’t endorse rape and abuse but assuming the chosen content is ethical the above is my concern.

ThomasTheWankEngine · 03/03/2023 09:40

ladybood · 20/02/2023 22:44

Not at all. Both me and my OH watch porn separately and together! I don't understand why people get upset by it?

The upset seems to originate from a form of control. A partner away for the weekend wants to dictate what the other can and can't watch in their absence? Haway man. That sounds far more concerning to me than a guy on his own innocently rubbing one out to an adult movie.

Anotherbloke1 · 03/03/2023 12:41

There is nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it doesn't interfere with your own sex life.

AbsolutePixels · 03/03/2023 17:04

Anotherbloke1 · 03/03/2023 12:41

There is nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it doesn't interfere with your own sex life.

Coomer logic

Mischance · 03/03/2023 17:23

There is nothing wrong with watching porn as long as you are able to close your mind to the exploitation involved and the fallout in broken relationships.

gkhg · 04/03/2023 23:43

It depends on the individual and the couple. We discuss what porn we've watched and share it with eachother. If you don't want a partner who watches porn- you'll either have to decide it's a deal breaker and break up, or make peace with it. I don't think it's reasonable to ask a partner to change something when they're not doing anything deceitful or wrong (yes some will say porn is wrong but I don't operate or think that way).

UserNameTwo · 05/03/2023 01:13

Saying it is 'disrespectful' because he is looking at other women is frankly a bit silly. Take away porn and people still fantasise about other people or situations when they masturbate, and when they have sex at times. What's next, demanding a list of every sexual thought a partner had since the relationship commenced AND disclosing all of your own? I hope not!

Women use sex toys as it is better or less physical effort. Men use porn as it is less mental effort. Unlike Mr Rabbit though, porn has a negative side. In artificially providing an arousing visual focus, it can gradually deprive men of their own sexual world of fantasy & imagination. They no longer need to be aroused to seek sexual gratification. It becomes almost not about sex. The mental effort is removed. This is why porn use can cause erectile dysfunction - sex and the mental process of arousal becomes alien, the brain is re-wired to respond to porn. That would be my concern about porn use. If it gets excessive or becomes a crutch / go to every time, then it isn't an indulgence, it is a problem - just as being unable to enjoy a social occasion without drink or drugs is a problem.

People are perfectly entitled to think porn is exploitative and immoral, or a harmless indulgence, or anything in between. Personally, I think there are shades of grey and it depends entirely on the content - but that is personal opinion, not something I would seek to inflict on a partner like a censor.

As with eating meat, drinking, using drugs etc... it is one of those things where if you want something absolute from a partner, then you need to set that expectation very clearly up front. If you don't, then trying to later will probably be openly or privately ignored, and then you have to decide whether to live with it or not.

Estherpologist · 05/03/2023 07:49

Having a problem with your DH watching porn is a different issue from him doing so when he's said he wouldn't.

Another way to frame this is do you each have the right to dictate how the other derives pleasure?
Is his enjoyment of porn impacting on his love and respect for you?
If you enjoyed chocolate in a way that didnt impact you relationship with him, how would you feel if he told you not to and would you do so behind his back?

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