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Original poster

I bought some stuff to try but nervous how to bring it up

31 replies

scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 18:20

DH and I have been married for a good while. Small kids are now a little bigger and all sleeping. We went away for a kid free night and had absolutely mind blowing sex. The type we haven't had for years. We talked about experimenting more, getting some toys and trying new things but then... he didn't do anything about it.
It's been brought up mutually a few times since (usually during great sex) and again.. he does nothing about it,

So I have bought a bunch of stuff to try (toys, lubes) and some naice undies to go with it (bye granny pants). It's all in a box under my bed because I don't know how to bring this up and I don't really know how to instigate any of this! Do I wrap up the box and give it to him? Do I just randomly pull a toy out next time we're in bed together? We can be quite open and vocal about sex and what we want whilst we are doing it... but it's not the sort of thing we chat about with clothes on.

Any advice would be very welcome because I am busting a gut to play with these new goodies

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Zanatdy · 13/02/2023 18:23

Next time you’re getting it on, whisper that you’ve got some stuff under the bed to try! Enjoy!

Judeisnotobscure · 13/02/2023 18:29

It’s Valentine’s tomorrow so perfect timing! I’d do as @Zanatdy suggests too. Go for it, enjoy playtime with your toys!!

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 18:31

@Zanatdy I love how easy you make it sound! And it should be easy. We love each other and have done all manner of things to each other throughout the years.
I'm just never the instigator. I tried last night and must have been far too subtle.

Is it bad manners to explore the contents of the box while I work on my instigating skills?

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Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 18:32

Or maybe I'll just put the very naice body suit on and let that do the talking..

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Workyticket · 13/02/2023 18:32

Take a pic of the box and send it to him while he's at work!

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 18:35

@Workyticket 😂 he'd probably crash.

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quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 18:40

Tomorrow get the underwear on and give him the box he will more than likely be very excited

quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 18:41

Nice valentines present

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 19:03

😬 I will give it a go! It probably won't be tomorrow as he won't be home till late..
Although I could be waiting for him..

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quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 19:26

Yes 100 percent be there waiting for him. Hell why not put it on and if you fall asleep and he comes in he will probably wake you up with his tears of joy. Give it a go he's your husband nothing to be ashamed about

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 19:31

@quietnightmare thank you for this!

We've really enjoyed rediscovering each other since having children. Of the two of us he is more experienced but I am more adventurous and vocal about what I like. Every time we've talked about what we would like I've been hopeful he will surprise me but it hasn't happened and maybe this is something he is shy to approach.

I feel very self conscious taking the step as it's very unlike me.. but I'm tired of waiting for him to take it and I want to play!

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quietnightmare · 13/02/2023 19:36

Exactly he's being shy one of your need to take the reigns. Getting out of your comfort zone is hard but it will be amazing if you manage to do it. The adrenaline and the unknown and the sort of anxiety of it all is part of it. He will love it I will be shocked if he doesn't! Give it a go and if it's not working for you then there's nothing lost you've given it a try and will end up laughing as the worst case scenario. You live eachother and I'm sure this is many men's fantasy

Zanatdy · 13/02/2023 19:37

scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 18:31

@Zanatdy I love how easy you make it sound! And it should be easy. We love each other and have done all manner of things to each other throughout the years.
I'm just never the instigator. I tried last night and must have been far too subtle.

Is it bad manners to explore the contents of the box while I work on my instigating skills?

Of course it’s always easier to suggest to someone else than do. I’d be a bit nervous too. In fact I’ve got a V day gift for my boyfriend and I’m a bit nervous about giving it to him. So much so I’ve got other stuff and probably going to keep the sex toy in my overnight bag until I’ve had a few wines! I hope he will like it, he definitely wants to build a collection of stuff from love honey as he’s already sent him a picture of a bondage product! But I’m still nervous. Can you have a few drinks then whisper you’ve got a few things. Or just get out one thing, and then when he says he likes it, tell him you’ve bought more. Perhaps he’s as shy as you are about bringing it up when not in the moment

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 19:45

I did show him the title of the order confirmation the other day but I've realised he probably has no idea what love honey is! Kids were about so he just said "oh, something nice?"

Maybe a few drinks on Wednesday when we don't have work the next day. Kids to bed and a bottle of wine...

I'm in a constant stage of hyper horny knowing it's there and wanting to just dive in!

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Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 19:49

@Zanatdy your valentines sounds very exciting! Please do come back and tell us how the gift was received!

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StarlightLady · 13/02/2023 21:20

I would suggest exploring the contents of the box by yourself first. Find out what’s good in your own comfort zone.

Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 21:38

@StarlightLady thanks lovely. I'm not new to toys but haven't dabbled since the kids. Things seem to have moved on ALOT since then (yay!)

I'm excited to rediscover this part as a couple and solo.

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Original poster
scaredtodo · 13/02/2023 21:40

We've never played with toys together

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FruitPastill · 14/02/2023 07:44

Good luck OP, I'm sure he'll love a surprise! As you've discussed it before, you can have some confidence that it will go down well. Could it be that he wanted you to choose what you'd like to try, rather than him pick and get it wrong? If he knows you've previously dabbled, he might think you've got a good idea of what you like/don't? (Just picking up on what you said about him not doing anything about it).

Original poster
scaredtodo · 14/02/2023 22:30

I'm going for it! Nervous but excited

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Rieslinger · 15/02/2023 10:37

@scaredtodo Of course you are nervous, completely understandable!!

Have you got a pair of crotchless brave pants in your box of tricks you could whip on later? 😜

It sounds like you want to bust out of the routine of you being the responder and your DP being the instigator...I'd bet he would go from Flop to Truncheon in a blink if you surprised him with it.

You can do it!!!

StarlightLady · 15/02/2023 11:36

For what it's worth, my rule of thumb with undies, is not to wear anything that I would not wear day to day. For example, no greying granny knickers here, I always wear nice lingerie underneath it all (it makes me feel good when I get dressed each day) on a day to day basis, but nothing I would regard as "exclusively bedroom". This might be a good starting point for you OP.

quietnightmare · 15/02/2023 17:15

How did it go?

Anotherbloke1 · 15/02/2023 17:58

Hopefully once received he will start getting you some new toys to use on you, maybe go on a website together to chose, me and my partner sometimes do that then wait in anticipation for delivery.

Original poster
scaredtodo · 15/02/2023 19:56

Um. Not terribly.. I think the new underwear was distracting as we didn't get much further into new territory. It was good.

We talked about it after so we now both know it's there. Hoping we can explore more when we're both ready. As much as I want this, he has to be comfortable with it too. I'll give him some time to think it through and then maybe we can investigate together

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