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Original poster

What age is sex over?

30 replies

Midsummernightmare · 12/02/2023 23:15

I’m a woman in mid fifties, my male partner is the same age and we’ve been together about 4 years now. It’s becoming apparent to me that my sex drive is much higher than his, despite me entering the menopause within the last year.
He had an issue in our first year together where he didn’t seem interested, after me instigating the conversation it turned out he was very stressed at work and couldn’t get ‘the feeling’, happily that resolved itself after a few months.
We are at the point again where he just doesn’t seem interested. Last month I instigated sex on both Saturday and Sunday morning that weekend which was enjoyable for both of us ( I think) but we’ve had nothing since then, and it always seems to be down to me to start things off. I’m not expecting it 3 times a day but is once a week too much to ask?
Not sure we’re on the same page at all tbh, I’ll happily give him oral but he won’t do it for me, doesn’t want to dabble with sex toys, likes to talk the talk and tell stories about his wild days in the past occasionally but doesn’t seem remotely adventurous about our bedroom antics, doesn’t even want to discuss it really. He knows I’m not averse to a bit of spanking and has tried it once or twice but he’s not really doing it right and doesn’t seem inclined to research it at all so it’s kind of fizzled out. I have tried right from the start to ask what he likes eg certain lingerie, porn, positions etc but he hasn’t given any definite answers, just says do/ wear what you’re comfortable with.
So am I expecting too much or should there still be life ok the old dog yet?

OP posts:
whoknew123 · 12/02/2023 23:31

It's not about age, but from what you've described, IMO you're sexually mis matched, sorry. Perhaps with some more conversations the penny might drop but I wouldn't give it long without signs of life as there'll be plenty of men out there willing to indulge everything you enjoy and more X

DestinysGrandchild · 12/02/2023 23:32

I don't think it depends on age. Some people are older and seem to be at it all the time.

34and3 · 13/02/2023 05:40

We're 34 and 42 have sex about 3 times a year

AverageGuy · 13/02/2023 08:38

I'm 60, and would happily have sex every day, if I could... Sad
@34and3 oh, that's not good! At your ages, you should be having more sex... What's the problem?

Curriedpeanuts · 13/02/2023 08:41

Maybe he has low testosterone?

Or maybe he just can't be bothered to learn and make the effort.

34and3 · 13/02/2023 09:03

@AverageGuy "should be"? I'm fine with it.

AverageGuy · 13/02/2023 09:14

@34and3 My apologies. I made assumptions...

StarlightLady · 13/02/2023 10:31

I have a friend in her 70s who is regularly getting laid by 2 different men, each around 10 years younger than her.

As for "I’ll happily give him oral but he won’t do it for me", has this always been the case. I fail to see how people end up in and put up with these situations.

Lioney · 13/02/2023 10:35

Premature menopause killed my labido at 42.

I went from having sex every day to not being bothered if I ever have sex again. I'm on HRT including testosterone but it hasn't helped my labido.

Age isn't relevant.

Its sounds as if your not sexually compatible.

Trez1510 · 13/02/2023 10:51

I agree with others, age isn't really a factor if you're compatible.

I speak from my 60s with a partner also in his 60s.

Zanatdy · 13/02/2023 18:30

After spending years with men who don’t like giving oral and now having a boyfriend who loves giving it (it’s definitely tipped more in my favour at the moment which I’m happy about and he’s having to redress the balance! - I’d never let myself be in a position again where I’m giving out regular BJ’s and he won’t come near me. I haven’t got any reason to want to leave my bf but if I did I’d have to think very seriously if I could give up the oral! Lol.

In all seriousness you’re not too old to be having regular sex. Once a week isn’t asking for much, but sounds like you’re mismatched. I think I have been for years, my boyfriend is definitely interested in spanking & other activities which we haven’t done yet but definitely will be. I feel like I’ve been oppressed for years with crap sex and probably why I then spent over a decade single

ArcticSkewer · 13/02/2023 18:33

There are plenty of men out there still at it at 70+. Mid fifties is really young to give up on a good sex life, especially if you've only been together a few years. It's not like you have been together 20 and bored.
But what will you do??
Leave?
Add someone else in as an occasional lover?
Put up with it?

NoDatingForOldMen · 13/02/2023 21:03

I’m about his age, and after 4 years, I think once a week would probably be okay, but it sounds less the amount of sex ( you had it on on a Saturday & Sunday), possibly more like you him to initiate more ? , do you want to feel wanted?

You might simply have to take the role of the person who initiates more, obviously in M/F relationships in more often then not it’s the man who initiates more, but this might to be you .

NoDatingForOldMen · 13/02/2023 21:06

He knows I’m not averse to a bit of spanking and has tried it once or twice but he’s not really doing it right and doesn’t seem inclined to research it at all so it’s kind of fizzled out. I have tried right from the start to ask what he likes eg certain lingerie, porn, positions etc but he hasn’t given any definite answers, just says do/ wear what you’re comfortable with

you probably think the above it quite tame, but you sound more sexually confident than he is

eatdrinkandbemerry · 13/02/2023 21:09

We are 49 and 50 and have sex almost daily.
Hopefully this will continue as long as we are both able.
Age is just a number after all

slackademic · 13/02/2023 21:18

I'm 61, my sex life has improved over the last 5 years and is probably the best it's ever been. For me it's about quality more than quantity - we just understand each other better and what's important and we are getting on really well. Chicken-egg, egg-chicken - both mechanisms are at work imho.

RosaCaramella · 13/02/2023 21:39

I don’t think it’s about age at all. Sometimes people just have incompatible sex drives and there’s not much that can be done about it. Putting pressure on partners for more, or more satisfying / adventurous sex can just add to the mismatch. You may be better off finding someone else who is more in tune with you sexually, if that is an important part of who you are. Xx

Orangesandlemons77 · 13/02/2023 21:44

Mid 40s/50s here...I think with time intimacy becomes important even if desire wanes due to hormones or familiarity. We've been together over 25 yrs now and definitely had ups and downs / times of more and less sex.

As long as you are both happy that is the main thing.

Original poster
Midsummernightmare · 13/02/2023 21:46

Thank you everyone for replying, I think a lot of you have thought what I was maybe trying to avoid, that actually we’re not a great match after all. I just wondered if maybe I was expecting too much as my previous partner was a good few years younger than me and didn’t want to fall into the trap of comparing them when it wasn't a level playing field.

@NoDatingForOldMen yes you’re right, there is an element that I don’t feel wanted. Whilst he is a lovely kind man he’s not very tactile and I miss the little touches that go on in a loving relationship, the signals that he actually fancies me. Sometimes I feel like he sees sex as a chore/ duty and whilst it’s enjoyable I wouldn’t call it making love.

Guess it’s time to have a conversation.

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 13/02/2023 21:57

42 (me) and 50 (him), married 21 years. I'd say my libido has been quite a bit higher than his for the past 10-15 years years. Manage about once a month and I feel like I'm climbing the walls in frustration. I feel like we only have sex when he gets the urge, and even then it feels like he sees it as a duty. I'd love to have a relationship where I felt like my partner really wanted sex with me.

Original poster
Midsummernightmare · 14/02/2023 01:48

SugarMiceInTheRain · 13/02/2023 21:57

42 (me) and 50 (him), married 21 years. I'd say my libido has been quite a bit higher than his for the past 10-15 years years. Manage about once a month and I feel like I'm climbing the walls in frustration. I feel like we only have sex when he gets the urge, and even then it feels like he sees it as a duty. I'd love to have a relationship where I felt like my partner really wanted sex with me.

I know exactly how you feel.
And we’re only four years in so the alarm bells are definitely ringing.

OP posts:
Rieslinger · 15/02/2023 10:06

@Midsummernightmare

Have a look at Passionate Marriage by David Snarch...been really helpful to me as a guy who has a fairly high drive whereas my DW is less so.

From my experience every relationship is mismatched it's what you do with it both of you that matters, good luck!

Johnisafckface · 16/02/2023 22:51

My ex was in his mid 50s and he would happily have sex at least twice a week. I think if he didn't have such manual job and was less stressed he could've easily done 3/4 week.

Me on the other hand am happy with once every couple of weeks (I'm early 50s). But that could be because I didn't really enjoy sex with him, maybe with someone else I'd be up for once a week or so (never really had a high sex drive)

VanillaSox · 17/02/2023 06:10

I would like sex every day but I don't live with my bf (both mid fifties). We see each other 2 or 3 times a week and usually have some form of sex on those occasions but I am definitely keener on it than him and I suspect he would be perfectly happy with once a month....

vegetableplotter · 18/10/2023 15:53

I'm a woman late 60s and sometimes wonder if my high sex drive is unusual at my age.

I hear a lot about people (men and women) losing interest through their 50s, 60s and onwards but it hasn't happened to me. I hope it never does, but finding a partner could be an issue as I worry about how attractive I am now.

I was confident in myself up till the last two or three years so this is a fairly recent concern.

Are women in their 70s still sexually attractive?

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