Spanking

[Judeisnotobscure]

I consider myself a liberated woman, I strongly believe in equality and abhor violence of any kind. I also love to be spanked, I request it in fact! Has anyone in a similar situation managed to fully reconcile both aspects of their lives?

I didn't think spanking was about power play as such, but rather the varying textures /sensations of the gentle caress and the slap/paddle? At least on the odd time my DH has spanked me that's what it's about. It's not about violence or hurting me at any point. It's stradlling the line between pleasure and pain.

Yes and yes. I also enjoy much worse however I only explore bdsm within a trusted relationship/partner.

Majority of my sexual partners (not that there’s been too many) would have thought I was quite vanilla, but that’s just because although I enjoy sex and all the wonderful avenues it offers, bdsm is only something I explore with someone I love and trust with clear boundaries therefore only a few have had the pleasure with me. It’s hard making yourself vulnerable for pleasure so it’s important to me to do that with someone i trust.

I also make it incredibly clear that sexual fantasy doesn’t cross over into the ‘real world’ for me, so although I might like being spat on in the bedroom I wouldn’t appreciate it while I was making a brew 😅 context and boundaries are made very clear with partners.

Lol, after my very negative response to the rimming thread (🤮), for spanking it’s a big yes from me! I also like having my hair pulled, but not any kind of choking. I don’t even think of enjoying these things in the context of being a liberated woman - which I also consider myself as - just in terms of what I enjoy in the privacy of my bedroom with a trusted partner.

i have instigated this play btw, I am the sub and we love exploring this play together. Sometimes in the cold light of day however it messes with my head!

Thank you ladies, exactly what I needed to hear right now! Context, fantasy!

Fantasy I’d love to put over a certain characters knee and spank then done.

For another perspective, I’ve never been able to enjoy anything during sex that would disturb me in real life. Any hint of power play, bdsm, spanking, etc. and my feminist brain cuts in and any desire just instantly withers. On the rare occasion I watch a porn video, anything like that - choking, slapping, derogatory talk etc. - gives me an instant sense of revulsion. I’ve never been able to disconnect this. Grew up in the 90s when erotica was very female-centric, so I’m happy to be very vanilla on this (though I am bisexual and often sleep with women - I guess that’s considered vanilla though these days 😂)

Same. I can't stand power play in relationships or sex, and find the current insistence that every sexual act is categorised as Dom or Sub or kinky incredibly sad and tedious. So I don't look at it that way.

I love a good, hard spanking on the arse from my husband because it feels good and arouses me because it is in a sensitive sexual part of my body. I wouldn't want to be hit anywhere else as it that wouldn't be sexual and would just be violent.

FWIW my husband enjoys giving it but feels conflicted about 'striking' me. I say fuck hyper-pornified sexual politics for insisting all the best stuff is inherently BDSM and has to be framed as such.

Porn does nothing for me. I’d rather watch my crushes in films that are not porn.

I'm male and enjoy getting a good spanking.

It took a while to persuade DW to do this though.

I don’t think being spanked is hypocritical to my feminist stance and I certainly don’t tie it up with BDSM. I just like to be smacked sharply on my bottom (and have it rubbed out), doesn’t mean I’m a sub nor an advocate of violence towards women. Choking during sex is a total turn off for me though.

I’ve never been spanked, but the thought definitely turns me on. I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months and we have having a lot of fun. He’s made a couple of comments about spanking, so I reckon we shall definitely be doing that at some point. I think definitely be starting out gentle. I think sexually you can be the opposite of what you are in every day life. I’m a strong independent woman, but I definitely like the idea of submitting to my man, being restrained etc.

Bloke here. I was once in a relationship with a very indepenent, strong woman. Top end executive job, she made far more money than me and was maybe the slightly more dominant one in the relationship (which was pretty balanced all in all). She brought up spanking one evening and I was happy to join in. Gentle at first but she soon wanted to "feel it more". This very quickly (within days) turned into pretty serious role play and eventually (a couple of weeks) into full on cos play with me as the angry head master and her as the naughty schoolgirl who needed spanking, then paddling then full on caning. She bought a uniform and "equipment" online. Honestly we both really enjoyed it as a game and it never got to the point of any real pain being inflicted. I don't know if she enjoyed the role reversal aspect of it (being a powerful exec suddenly feeling powerless and vulnerable) or just the physical side and but it felt naughty in a good way, completely consentual and while we never actually set any "offical" boundries I think we both just understood where the line was.

The trouble was, after a bit of playing we were both horny and ready to go at it on the bed but she still wanted the role play to continue and while I did go along the first time, afterwards I had to admit to feeling really uncomfortable. Game or not, I'm a grown man and I don't want to pretend I'm having sex with a school girl. She jumped in with "I'm in the sixth form" which actually made it worse ! I suggested she could play the naughty PE teacher or the naughty school secretary and we tried out handcuffs and a few other things but nothing really worked for her like the cane and the outfit. So we simply agreed that the the game would end as the sex started and this worked out perfectly - and it never spilled over into our "real" lives in any way.

My current partner has never shown any interest further than the odd slap on the buttocks during sex.

Staunch feminist here who loves a spank! For me, the attraction is role reversal, sensation play and chasing a near meditative state (better than any meditation retreat I've attended). Individual motivations for same act differ and important not to categorise. My motivations (and those of sexual partners) don't cross my many feminist lines.

I suppose I'm only a dabbler but for me it's not about sensation at all and is exactly about breaking psychological/social rules and control. I think it's possible to analyse rom a feminist perspective exactly why this is exciting, and still do it/enjoy it.

@topcat2014 I absolutely love this for you, it shows so much openness, love and trust between you and your wife.

i Was a little unsure about posting my question, it is still very much taboo within my circle of friends. Thank you for the reassurance and I am going to have so much more fun next time!!

Does no one here prefer to dish it out rather than recieve?

I'm another one who enjoys being spanked, and told I'm a naughty girl too. There's some sort of power exchange that makes it exciting. After all, if you smack your own bum, it's no more erotic then clapping your hands, but between play partners it's much more enjoyable. Rather that reflecting anything too sinister, I see it as being a bit like the play fighting and physical horseplay you often see when people are close to one another, or when you roll around on the floor trying to tickle each other. Outside the bedroom, of course, I'm hard at work making use of the resources and opportunities available to me, making a place for myself in my profession, and doing a whole load of things that would have been unthinkable to women in my great grandparents' generation. So it's not wholly retrogressive!

Don't assume it is taboo. We are a professional couple and both in senior roles. We have recently experimented and I have loved being tied down and my bum smacked. Once he got confident we have tried other things and I love him talking dirty to me when he is doing it. I'm very submissive over it. My friends and colleagues at work would NEVER believe I would do such things so I no longer make assumptions about others. Has brought an exciting dimension and spiced up our sex life definitely

@namechangedyorkshire I tried to initiate a discussion but was met with looks of horror! Enjoy your voyage of discovery!

I don’t think I’d want to, but I would if my bf asked for it. I’d rather be the receiver to be honest

Understand. I'm def like you a feminist in a senior role. I didn't initiate it to be honest. For some reasons he playfully smacked my bum during play and without thinking , I just responded positively so he did it again. Next time we made love he did it again and I moaned and made clear I liked it. It was then a slow development led by him but I made clear I enjoyed what he did, especially the talk that went with it and yes, being called a naughty girl and other things.

Maybe you just need to encourage a minor bit of it without having some heavy conversation

@namechangedyorkshire that sounds like so much fun!Yeah, the cognitive dissonance has been blowing my mind lately and overthinking this does not make me feel at all sensual! I’ve made peace with it, I enjoy the sensations, dominance etc with my partner in the bedroom and that’s just fine!

@Catullus5 sometimes. Though again I'm more about dishing out restraint and control rather than spanking. I like the freedom of it.