Partner OK with Sex Toys?

[lucyandmike]

I have thought about it plenty of times before but never bought anything but I would really like to get myself a couple of sex toys. No big reason at all, sex life is great with DP, but I would just like to see what a vibrator feels like and have a dildo for when he is not around. I'm feeling I'm missing something that I haven't tried a vibrator yet.

I'm just wondering and a bit worried about what he will think about them if I tell him ,or if I should keep them stashed away for my private time? Does anyone have any problems with their partners using sex toys, especially women using them?

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If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

M here.
Absolutely not.
We wank, you play.
Go for it. Enjoy yourself.
May enhance your relationship!

Personally, absolutely not in the slightest.
Although I guess there might be men who might feel inadequate or hurt if they discover that their partner uses a toy when he's not around. Maybe a conversation about it would help to bring reassurance and that it's more a case of enhancement (for you both) than replacement of him. Maybe something you could introduce when you are together as well has have for your private time.

Please treat yourself to a vibrator! You won’t regret it!! My DP doesn’t mind my toys at all, in fact he likes to use them on me which makes play time pretty hot! He has also given me a couple of remote controlled toys so he can be in charge of the rhythm and intensity of the vibrators. Divine!!

I orgasm through sex with my husband but I also like to take time to masturbate and use my vibrators as I get horny and like to fantasise. For me personally nothing can beat the intense clitoral orgasm I get from a wand or a rabbit vibrator. He knows I use toys and doesn't mind as it doesn't impact on our sex life. You should treat yourself.

I think that you should talk to your DH about your thoughts. Choose them together, get him on board.

But if he's not happy, id highly recommend the satisfyer pro 2 from amazon. Looks less like a sex toy if you have children. Hide it!

In my experience exes have all been positive about my toy box with a few wanting to use them with me.

I expect the vast majority of guys today would be completely fine with their female partner using toys and enjoy this, but there still may be some that are insecure and feel threatened by this. Personally I would take to him about it but if you really think he may have an issue then perhaps keep it to yourself, but either way get yourself a vibrator, nothing else really compares to the orgasm from one!

In our case, after being together a while we talked about masturbating and it turned out we both did a lot and my boyfriend, now DH, asked me if I was using a vibrator yet, or needed to, and I told him I would definitely like to try one. I think I was 18/19 and got one not long after. He didn't mind at all, encouraged me to get one and would ask me now and again if I was using it. He didn't know how much but for a good while I couldn't leave it alone and it became an everyday thing for me.

I worked up to a mains powered wand and there is just nothing like my orgasm from this, it just does amazing things to my clit. He knows this and is absolutely fine with my using as much as I want and likes to watch me do this.

Its often the men that bang on about it. DH is always wanting bigger, more realtic toys but they are expensive and the safe keeping, eG you go out and big accident and then family looks through drawers etc. worries us and when we go on hols or day away, DH put the big boys in a bag and in the bin, as bins are collected alternative weeks, hopefully, he picks the right bin

I've never used a toy in front of DH or materbated as still shy like most women - but the realtic looking one he got recently and others - its a different kind of sex orgasm and he starts off with toys, him and then toys.

I'm sure he ill be ok but there is a chance he may take it personally.

TRUE - i was shy reluctant but shy thinking what would DH say even though it was him buying it suggesting it - the bigger ones to suit and very powerful - DH uses you tell them power down and power up etc - not joking but better than thos half limp things at times - use loads of lube initially depending on size etc

If he may be insecure about it then I think it's even more important to talk to him about it. Because if he finds out accidentally and you've kept it from him that is always going to be worse. If he is insecure about it then that is his problem not yours, don't let it put you off getting one! Reassure him, use it together sometimes and have fun.

Some men are so controlling and see it as a threat. Throughout history women have been criticised (and worse) for their sexuality. You are either called frigid or, should you express sexual desires, a slut.

I am a proud vibey owner and regular user. The whole caboodle is so different from 1:1 sex. There is certainly room for both in my life.

Women have needs. In my view every woman should own at least one vibey. Whether you want to share the knowledge, or indeed, the item with someone else is a personal matter for a woman to choose. But no partner owns you or your sexuality. Neither are they male entertainment centres.

The only person that was in my life who felt threatened by a vibey, and vibies (plural) were around in my top drawer a long time before and a long time after him!) was also funny about me going topless at the beach. So controlling!

As for a dildo. I think this is more relating to male fantasy. If a women really got turned on or satisfied by a mere insertion, Tampax would be something special as opposed to signifying a bloody (literally) nuisance.

As for people looking in your drawers in your bedroom (surely not; privacy invasion big time), that is really no on.

I did once leave accidentally leave a waterproof one (highly recommended, they make bath times special) on the bath side once when some friends came to stay. I just laughed it off.

Slightly off topic but the solution to anyone else finding your sex toys is to buy a bloody huge chest and put a padlock on it. 😉

I'm single but I'd have absolutely no issue with my partner using toys either alone or as part of lovemaking..

Completely fine with my wife owning and using toys, she has some just for her, I have some just for me and we have some to use together. No issues whatsoever with them being purchased or used.

To combat the embarrassment of them being found by parents/ someone else should anything happen to both of us we have a mutual friend who we have an agreement with, something happens to us she comes in and bins the box they are in. If something happens to her then we get rid of hers.

Mine was apprehensive at first but then I explained to himself that nothing can replace sex with a person and that I was still very much interested in having sex with him but sometimes he's not around you know so it's nice to have. 😁

He's fine now and teases me about it if he finds it in the bathroom before I get a chance to clean it. Lol

I've never discussed using a toy with a partner, I always just casually get it out and start using, never had any complaints.

In my early twenties my DW (then girlfriend) went to an Ann Summers party, I didn't even know what one was. She came back with a vibrator, again I didn't really know what one was. I was certainly offended a little, I wasn't controlling but didn't understand why she needed anything other than me and gave her the completely wrong reaction to what she hoped, I was awkward. In reality I was probably just crap in bed and sexually immature. I wish now I could slap the young me after 20yrs of a reasonably dull sex life, perhaps it would have gone in a different direction as I expect I knocked her confidence with any kind of bedroom experimentation. Now it's me buying toys for her to try and make life more interesting whilst wishing she'd show an interest in buying something for her.
Buy the toy for sure

It can be a real turn on in the bedroom using sex toys together.

My husband loves to see me play with them while he's pleasuring himself.

Why don't you just buy one then next time you are about to get down to sex, bring it out as a surprise?

If he's fine with you having a dildo (and it'd be bit of a red flag if he isn't), then I can't see him taking issue with a vibrator. Unless you're intending to lie there in bed next to him using the toy and ignoring him! 😂

But if you think he might feel insecure about you using toys on yourself, then perhaps start with a couples toy that you can use together.

What would you think if he told you he had sex toys? I've mentioned mine to my wife and suggested we use them together but she's never been interested or even asked what they are.

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain I’d be delighted and curious, eager to play! But I think that’s my general attitude to sex 🤣

Given that I am now doing some work in a research and customer support role in this very industry, here's my pennies worth from both the bedroom and the office desk! Stats always show that over 50% of the population own a sex toy and the most popular one is a vibrator, but now that I've seen the huge variety that are available these days, I wouldn't just go and reach for any old vibrator.
Some toys can be used on their own, or together, and some couple toys only used together (even remotely like the we-vibe connect or lovense toys).
Wands are also so popular. The latest ones can be so discreet ( eg Demi Wand) or the usual larger ones you can use like a massager anywhere on your body ( good excuse to have one!). Talking of discreet, I love the look of the Belessa Diskreet. Clit vibrators like these ( started by the womanizer I believe) are so popular to use on your own, or as a foreplay aid, or as something you can carry on with after having couple sex - seeing as we women can keep going on and on for multiple climaxes! So that's one way to introduce it, also so as it's not seen as a replacement.
You got me started! Anyway, the main thing to always remember is to go for vibrators made with the best non-porous materials from good brands ( eg silicone or ABS).
Hope that helps.

@lucyandmike Definitely go for it and suggest with your DP that it might be fun to try, little bit of forethought and reassurance goes a long way.

Once you have tried it with them (he might love it after all) then keep it and use it when you'd like to for your time.

MY DW was not particularly interested at first, but as our relationship deepened and we explored ourselves and each other they came more into the bedroom, our new rabbit went down rather well this Valentines!

Good luck and enjoy!