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Original poster

Bothered by partner masturbating?

26 replies

Funberry · 07/12/2022 13:16

Hi all,

I was having a conversation with a guy friend the other day, and he happened to mention that his wife and he didn't have sex as much as he would like, but she also didn't like him to masturbate as it made her feel like she wasn't all he needed etc.

Now, I don't know them well enough to know about their relationship, but I wondered if anyone else had a simiar experience, that their partner didn't like them to masturbate or that you don't like your partner to?

Or, do you like it, and like to know about it?

Or is it simply something that you and/or your partner do and keep quiet about?

OP posts:
HellsBells87 · 07/12/2022 13:26

I do it frequently and my husband knows. He's not bothered as it doesn't affect our sex life, we see it as something separate. The only thing he doesn't like to know about is what I'm looking at while I'm doing it. I prefer to do it when he's out the house.

xpc316e · 07/12/2022 14:28

I had a former wife who was so controlling and coercive that she always demanded to know when I had masturbated. She would go to absurd lengths to control all aspects of my life.

Masturbation is by its very nature a private act and my current partner of 20 years has no clue about when and if I masturbate, and vice versa.

Masturbation is no indication that the other partner is in any way insufficient.

StarlightLady · 07/12/2022 15:50

The needs for both are totally different.

conversationsinthedark · 07/12/2022 16:10

I'm not bothered about my partner doing it, if I'm not home or whatever. But I would be upset if he chose to be upstairs wanking, while I'm downstairs oblivious because he's choosing porn/pleasuring himself over me? I doubt that would ever happen though as he knows even if I'm not in the mood, or it's that time of the month..that I'd happily please him. I don't understand why a man would choose a quick wank over a blowjob or sex? Surely they feel better 🤣. I'm the same, if I'm home alone I'll sort myself out...but if he's home id feel weird sneaking off to do that when he could be involved?!

LlynTegid · 07/12/2022 20:57

In private OK. Not in front of me or indeed anyone else.

Waxxy · 07/12/2022 22:00

I'm weird. I find it a massive turn on. Unless porn is involved. Yuk.

optimistic40 · 07/12/2022 22:12

No, not bothered and don't ask what they look at unless it's part of a more fun conversation.

However during a dry spell when my partner didn't seem interested in sex I remember feeling annoyed when we chatted and he said he was masturbating a couple of times a week - I know, I know! - it's a separate thing. I felt hurt though, rejecting me and still cracking one off in the shower.

Estherpologist · 08/12/2022 06:11

We're in the early stages of a new relationship and don't get to see eachother as much as we'd like, so the dynamic is a bit different at the moment, but I really like knowing my partner has been masturbating, especially while thinking of me.

lauraUK1000 · 08/12/2022 19:24

I don't mind at all, in fact it is a turn on for me and we have talked about it plenty of times since we have been together. We are both masturbate frequently and whilst not announcing every time we have been doing it, it often gets asked 'when did you last have a wank'.

dingdongdingdongsding · 08/12/2022 22:28

I love mutual masturbation, esp if we can come together.

And I find masturbation quite sexy. I love the idea of finding my partner doing it, and then helping him to finish.

StarlightLady · 09/12/2022 06:38

As l said upthread the needs are completely different, 1:1 sex is about sharing of bodies which is a huge contrast to flying solo.

I start most, almost all days with a cup of coffee and a little session with a vibey. That helps me start the day, but l don’t want 1:1 sex with someone as soon as l wake up. Brain and cltty are not in gear for that.

Original poster
Funberry · 09/12/2022 16:41

optimistic40 · 07/12/2022 22:12

No, not bothered and don't ask what they look at unless it's part of a more fun conversation.

However during a dry spell when my partner didn't seem interested in sex I remember feeling annoyed when we chatted and he said he was masturbating a couple of times a week - I know, I know! - it's a separate thing. I felt hurt though, rejecting me and still cracking one off in the shower.

I get this too. We have been through dry spells where she hasn't been interested, but then says shes had a play, and it is hard not to let it get to you.

However, as others have said, they are seperate things, someone may feel like an orgasm, but a private one, not something with another, and that should be respected however hard it can be.

I am turned on by thoughts of masturbation, it has felt almost forbidden, as you are knowing about someones private enjoyment, how they are when they are alone (obviously not all the time). Does that make sense?

anyway, wank on!

OP posts:
eatdrinkandbemerry · 18/12/2022 18:41

I wouldn't have a clue if or when he has a wank and same he wouldn't have any idea if I had 🤷‍♀️.
It's not something we would chat about to be honest as it's a natural thing most humans do.

Parky04 · 19/12/2022 09:56

JayHaZ · 18/12/2022 11:53

An orgasm once a week! I bet he has a few crafty ones!

inininsomnia · 19/12/2022 13:24

My body, my imagination. It's entirely up to me how I enjoy it. An interest in connecting with someone and wanting time for my own pleasure are very different things. Monitoring or managing someone else's relationship with their own body feels immensely controlling.

EndersGame · 19/12/2022 22:49

So, you don't know them well enough to know about their relationship, but well enough that he will tell you about his wanking habits? Interesting friendship.

I've known my best friend for 40 years and I'm not sure I have discussed her masturbation habits at all. Perhaps its a topic for our next meet up in costa?

themanwho · 20/12/2022 07:55

I’m upset that my wife doesn’t masturbate.

JulieS1 · 23/12/2022 23:56

It's a natural thing and most people do it. With young family and busy lives it's often difficult to for us to get time together without being disturbed. So for me it is a necessity to stop me being grumpy lol. However I dont really tell my OH im doing it. It's a private thing which usually do when he is not here or im away. I probably do it more than he thinks I do but needs must!

Rieslinger · 29/12/2022 15:56

Yes!! What I mean is if you haven't had sex for a few days I get a bit grumpy too and having a shandy helps but totally lacks the connection that DTD with my DW gives me.

Not heard anyone else getting a bit grumpy about it which is a relief I can tell you!

KinkyMom · 04/01/2023 23:39

We both masturbate. It doesn’t bother either of us nor does it prevent us from having actual sex. I think it’s silly that she won’t give him sex but just expects him to suffer in silence. My guy usually does it when I’m not available like at work or the store or something. Sometimes he does it in front of me and I join in. Who cares?

I do it too but can’t explain it. It’s not so much about sex for me but it just helps me relax and calm down. It’s an anxiety thing I think if In bring totally honest.

lauraUK1000 · 05/01/2023 00:26

We both masturbate also and have talked about it many times so it's no issue at all between and we like to watch each other do it whenever the opportunity arises. We both have been doing it a long time and started pretty early. I still like to do it most days and use toys which he loves to know about. Recently he has tried to restrict himself for wanking as much and also watching porn as he says his orgasm is much stronger when he has gone without for 5 days or so.

Iloveabaconbutty · 05/01/2023 00:44

Absolutely not bothered at all! I actually love it when DW masturbates, whether that's part of sex we're having together or when she's on her own at some other time of the day when I'm not around. She may or may not mention it but just to know that she does is a real turn on for me.

Iloveabaconbutty · 05/01/2023 01:16

I should add that DW isn't bothered that I masturbate unless I'm wobbling the bed too much in the middle of the night when she's fast asleep! Maybe I'm odd but I never (or hardly ever) go all the way to orgasm when I masturbate but save that for when we have sex.

Zanatdy · 05/01/2023 05:59

I’ve only been with my bf a couple of months and we are limited when we can see each other due to kids on both sides! I know he definitely masturbates and watches porn, neither of which bother me. If I was in a relationship where I wasn’t getting the sex I wanted and my partner was masturbating I’d be annoyed yes.

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