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Original poster

Help with being selfish in bed

32 replies

Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 12:27

So I have always been abit selfish in bed. Spent a few years using men for sex and lived by the words "as long as I get what I want". Now I'm over a year into a relationship with my bf and head over heels in love. We are both mid 30's. He goes out of his way to please me sexually. The sex is amazing, I must cum 20 times during 1 session. He massages me, goes down on me before and after sex. I'm in to bdsm, spanking etc and he wasn't but he makes the effort also.

If he hasn't finished inside me, he will pull out and I'll fall asleep. He's frustrated and will wait until morning and I often wake up with his head between my legs. I'll cum a few times then that's it, I'll get ready for work. Ill be at work wih a smime on my face and hes grumpy. It's like my brain doesn't even consider his pleasure. He says he shouldnt have to ask me. It's starting to cause issues with us.
He's bought me some sexy things to wear for him. They're very tasteful but I haven't worn them as I prefer to be naked.

He says I'm not selfish in any other aspect of life, just in bed. I really love him but I'm so focused on my own pleasure. Has anyone else been like this or been with someone like this?

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 20/11/2022 12:54

I'm kind of different because I'm older and haven't got a lot of sex drive these days but I would always want my partner to come. Always. Can you not find a position you're ok with , maybe not facing him and sort of go along with it so that he can? I always come first but we never end sex without him coming. I'm sure you could find a way to include him. You do need to think a bit more about him IMO. No offence.

Original poster
Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 13:24

Liz1tummypain · 20/11/2022 12:54

I'm kind of different because I'm older and haven't got a lot of sex drive these days but I would always want my partner to come. Always. Can you not find a position you're ok with , maybe not facing him and sort of go along with it so that he can? I always come first but we never end sex without him coming. I'm sure you could find a way to include him. You do need to think a bit more about him IMO. No offence.

I love it, I will just keep cumming and cumming. I'm never just waiting for him to cum. Because I orgasm so much, I get really really wet and sometimes he says he can't cum inside me because of it. I should finish him off another way but often I don't...ill go to sleep and he will end up masturbating. I hate myself for it the next day.

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 20/11/2022 14:43

He sounds like a good guy. He cares about you. Would you want him to say you don't care about him?

It's not hard to make sure he is satisfied. If the relationship is a good one, it's worth you doing this for him..

Original poster
Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 15:10

Liz1tummypain · 20/11/2022 14:43

He sounds like a good guy. He cares about you. Would you want him to say you don't care about him?

It's not hard to make sure he is satisfied. If the relationship is a good one, it's worth you doing this for him..

I agree. He's amazing and he said to me last night that it makes him feel like I don't care about him which is hard to hear and totally not true. He says I'm really good to him in other ways. Where sex is concerned it's like I go into a self centered bubble. I'm so obsessed with getting what I want but then later I feel awful.

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 20/11/2022 15:17

Ok well there's not a lot that anyone can to do about this besides yourself. Maybe if you thought he might start to fantasize about a woman who's less reactive and more proactive that would make you want to do more. Men do get turned on by a woman who wants to get her man off. Watching you isn't going to be enough in the long run. All the best 😀

MinimalPinimal · 20/11/2022 15:50

I don't get this. Isn't it up to him to
Orgasm.
Surely he has an opportunity during your 10 times....
How often does he cum inside you? If there's a specific position he needs then imo it's up to him to get into it and cum...

Annabananna1 · 20/11/2022 16:57

I think he has to take some responsibility for this... if you're having sex for long enough for you to cum TWENTY times(!!??) surely there's scope for him to cum too. Maybe after the tenth time he could do what he needs to do to make it work for him.

Original poster
Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 18:01

MinimalPinimal · 20/11/2022 15:50

I don't get this. Isn't it up to him to
Orgasm.
Surely he has an opportunity during your 10 times....
How often does he cum inside you? If there's a specific position he needs then imo it's up to him to get into it and cum...

I like it from behind. Probably takes me 15 minutes to cum 10 times. It's a continuous wave. Then he will ask me to turn over or get on top and quite often I don't want to coz I'm enjoying myself too much or I'm tired through cumming alot. We do talk alot about it. He does cum inside me, but sometimes he wants me to suck him off or finish on me which I do enjoy, but alot of the time I'm done and not worried about his orgasm. Very harsh but true. I don't realise until after.

OP posts:
MinimalPinimal · 20/11/2022 18:03

You're too tired to turn over?

Original poster
Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 18:07

Annabananna1 · 20/11/2022 16:57

I think he has to take some responsibility for this... if you're having sex for long enough for you to cum TWENTY times(!!??) surely there's scope for him to cum too. Maybe after the tenth time he could do what he needs to do to make it work for him.

From 1st being penetrated to my 1st orgasm is sometimes around 1 to 2 mins. Then it builds into a continuous wave of orgasms. My bf can go 1 to 2 hours if we have time but Iv cum 10 to 20 times In 15 to 20 mins. He usually needs longer. Which is fine as long as I'm still cumming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samantha87 · 20/11/2022 18:07

MinimalPinimal · 20/11/2022 18:03

You're too tired to turn over?

More a case of lose interest

OP posts:
cheshirebloke · 20/11/2022 18:42

I've seen a few of your posts and each time I've thought you sound a bit like my dp, particularly so on this one (and you even have the same name!). Our bedroom activities totally revolve around her pleasure too - there's rarely any focus on me. She always cums loads and sometimes I don't even get there once.

I also understand the thing about the wetter you get the more difficult it becomes for him because I find that too - things are so wet and slippery that there's virtually no friction to stimulate. I've found that taking a break for a few minutes can make things dry up a bit and that can help.

It is frustrating for me (and dp too I'm sure), and sometimes she makes the odd comment about me taking a while to cum (which then makes it even more difficult to). However I've never said anything to my dp about feeling like she doesn't care about me. That is pretty brutal!

Only thing I can suggest is that you have some sessions where the focus is entirely on him, either with no expectation that he pleasures you on that occasion (you might need to out and out refuse his attempts), or even better, if you make him cum and then turn things around to get you off next. Maybe consider tying him up so that he simply cannot get distracted by trying to pleasure you, and it's totally you on him? With his consent obviously, just don't mention this as the reason why.

Greencolourblock · 20/11/2022 21:45

Focus on him first 🙂

Oldtadger · 22/11/2022 16:38

Try having a few sessions where you completely focus on him and his pleasure - oral, hands, massage and maybe penetration with you on top. Watch his reactions and learn what really turns him on. Let him orgasm and then go to sleep. Doing this may help break your routine/expectations.

Once you have done this you can then let him do the same for you. Then go back to making love/sex for mutual satisfaction ensuring that he gets off before you hit your limit.

Remember he'll likely have one O to several of yours......

And talk about it both during sex and not during sex.

cosmicbabe · 22/11/2022 17:53

How do you have so many Orgasms in such a short space of time? Actually need to understand this

Original poster
Samantha87 · 22/11/2022 18:06

cosmicbabe · 22/11/2022 17:53

How do you have so many Orgasms in such a short space of time? Actually need to understand this

I have a form of PGAD. basically, I'm nearly always aroused. At work, doing housework, on the school run...u get the idea. Its always on my mind. Its not a good thing. Apart from the orgasms. There is about 2 to 3 seconds between each orgasm. Guys who were terrible in bed actually thought they were a porn star haha.

Iv orgasmed driving down a cobbled street before.
Another problem is what I'm describing in this thread. When I'm having sex....its like a fog sets in and I'm so focused on cumming as much as possible. Think of it like an itch that you are desperately trying to scratch.

OP posts:
Runaround50 · 22/11/2022 21:26

I think you have a medical condition,

It's not normal to orgasm whilst driving down a cobbled street?

Runaround50 · 22/11/2022 21:30

Just looked it up. You definitely have a medical condition. Are you getting treatment?

Original poster
Samantha87 · 22/11/2022 23:23

Runaround50 · 22/11/2022 21:30

Just looked it up. You definitely have a medical condition. Are you getting treatment?

Yes I know I do and no...Dr said I have a mild form of it. I don't get nerve pain etc which alot of people do. It's a psychological condition but iv leant to live with it as best I can.
My bf struggles with it more than I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samantha87 · 22/11/2022 23:28

Oldtadger · 22/11/2022 16:38

Try having a few sessions where you completely focus on him and his pleasure - oral, hands, massage and maybe penetration with you on top. Watch his reactions and learn what really turns him on. Let him orgasm and then go to sleep. Doing this may help break your routine/expectations.

Once you have done this you can then let him do the same for you. Then go back to making love/sex for mutual satisfaction ensuring that he gets off before you hit your limit.

Remember he'll likely have one O to several of yours......

And talk about it both during sex and not during sex.

I give him a bj until he cums nearly every morning. Its just once we start having sex, I couldn't care less at the time if he cums or not...its all about me. It sounds awful but I just can't help it.

OP posts:
Runaround50 · 23/11/2022 07:24

Based oh this condition you have, stimulation doesn't even seem necessary? Thick your bf may struggle with this going forward, I don't know.

Original poster
Samantha87 · 23/11/2022 08:59

Runaround50 · 23/11/2022 07:24

Based oh this condition you have, stimulation doesn't even seem necessary? Thick your bf may struggle with this going forward, I don't know.

Yes he does abit. Only because my brain is always focused on sex. He can keep up with me in the bedroom. When we are out socialising and I'm constantly groping him etc. Plus I'm the biggest perve going. Always looking at a guy or girls ass or tits. Some people think I'm just bring a bitch but I honestly can't help it. I would never cheat on him as he keeps me happy and satisfied.

OP posts:
LaraMargot · 23/11/2022 15:13

Well obviously if he's patiently serviced you so well the least you can do is let him cum in your mouth; you're happy to do it in the morning!

Original poster
Samantha87 · 23/11/2022 16:58

LaraMargot · 23/11/2022 15:13

Well obviously if he's patiently serviced you so well the least you can do is let him cum in your mouth; you're happy to do it in the morning!

Yes I agree. I can give him pleasure no problem when it's not mutual. Once we start having sex, Its all about me. I will work on it as much as I can....its not easy and its difficult to explain. It brings me to tears at times.

OP posts:
EmilyGilmoresSass · 23/11/2022 17:28

Beginning to wonder if this is a wind up or troll tbh

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