Is it OK for me to see an escort?

[TTA123]

Me and my wife are both 45. She went through early menopause about 6 years ago. We both love each other very much. We haven't had any sort of sex for 5 years because of pain due to vaginal atrophy and her low libido. HRT is out of the question due to history of breast cancer. We have two children (adults now). It doesn't look like our sex-life is ever going to get back on track and she's told me the same as we've discussed this at length in the past and I don't want to keep pestering her so we just don't talk about it any more.

The problem is I am still young(ish) and have a fairly high sex-drive. I would never emotionally betray her by having an affair, but I am considering seeing an escort - not a street-worker, but a professional self-employed business woman who charges £300-£400 per hour. I have plenty of money (sorry!) so I'm not going to be depriving my family financially. Before I take this step I just thought I'd put it out there on Mumsnet. What do you all think? Don't worry, I'm expecting to get an extremely wide range of responses to this! Speak your minds.

Oh, for god sale, I can't believe some of the answers here. Of course you can find sex elsewhere, OP. It's not acceptable to expect you to end your sex life just because your wife isn't willing or able to engage with sex anymore. Sorry, everyone, but it's not.

Do it discreetly and go to whatever lengths you need to ensure your wife doesn't find out. Then focus on loving her. You might find you'll love her even more when you the resentment for your lack of sex goes.

And, for those pearl-clutches out there - you can love your partner and still want a sex life outside of marriage, given these circumstances.

Err.. nope.

Sounds tricky!

if she really can’t / won’t have any form of intimacy then it isn’t realistic or reasonable to expect you to live like a monk.

Seeing a sex worker feels preferable to getting a friend with benefits, or to having an affair. Both involve emotional intimacy in a way an escort doesn’t.

Preferable overall though is to tell her how you really feel. Have you really done that?

If you go ahead you should work on the basis it’s when, not if she finds out.

I can’t say if it’s right or wrong but I suspect a lot of men think the same- keep it emotion free, limit risk and keep quiet.

Just realised this is a zombie thread 😳

You need to talk to her

I personally don’t believe that seeing an escort is ethically or morally right, but in your situation I’d leave.

If your wife refuses to compromise or discuss/explore solutions you’re out of options. Without sex, you’re just friends. Which is fine, friends are lovely, but intimacy is what sets your spouse apart from others. It wouldn’t be good enough for me.

You are better off getting a divorce and finding someone more sexually compatible with you. Happens a lot. Seeing a prostitute isn't the same as having someone who wants a physical relationship with you.

Who cares?

I think you should split up.
Also it doesn't matter if an 'escort' is £400 or £40 , she's still selling sex.

She probably doesn't fancy yuu anymore
Nor would I after reading your posts
All about you
Yuk

You think the issue is him and not the wife who has unilaterally decided they are now celibate and has zero interest or intention in investigating ways of stimulating her libido? Just coz she doesn't want to. Where is the commitment from her I might ask? Where is the effort and interest in maintaining a happy physical union? Nah. She just doesn't want to and he has to suck it up. Geez. He's 45 not 85

This is an old thread. Why has it been resurrected?

However,@kaboomy, she hasn’t just ‘decided’. I think it’s likely she’s had a very tough time going through an early menopause and HRT isn’t an option. She may feel very pissed herself thsg she’s lost her sex life due to health issues.

The question is whether it’s ok for him to see a sex worker. Apart from the ethics of that which would make me say absolutely not, my answer would be that if he’s going to have sex with someone else, his wife must know and be ok with it. Doing it behind your partners back isn’t ok. That’s making your partner live a lie.

If a compromise can’t be found and this is a dealbreaker for OP, which is his choice, he needs to tell his wife and split up.

Any man that thought hiring women for sex was an option would be out if my house and life very quickly. It shows a lack of respect for all women and is a huge 🚩

£300/400 an hour, WOW !!! how do I become an Escort?