I've surprised myself

[Jumpking]

DP ended things very unexpectedly this morning after a year together. We were getting on really well, but he's now decided he needs some space. Who knows? 🤷

So I've surprised myself by shedding a few tears and going online to see what's out there and I've now got a date on Friday.

Logical me knows it's too soon, but hell I want some fun to get over him.

What is it they say? The best way to get over one man is to get under another!

though I’m not sure on that myself :/

Exactly!

Particularly as i recently started a thread on here describing DPs ED.

Maybe that's why he ended it? Didn't want to keep feeling crap about being unable to fuck me?

All I know is I'm looking forward to Friday. Too soon I know, but will see what happens

@Jumpking not quite the same, but my FWB, who I have been seeing for eighteen months ended things suddenly last week.

I thought things were going well, but she has decided she needs something more. I'm surprised at how shit I'm feeling about it. I obviously had more feelings for her than I'd realised!

However, I arranged a date for last Friday with someone I'd matched with on POF - nothing happened, and we won't be seeing each other again, but at least I got back out there!

Maybe we should date each other...

I hope your date went better than mine!

good for you!

@Jumpking Don’t jump into things too quickly, allow yourself time and when you’re ready, you can explore something with someone else, you won’t be emotionally ready.

@AverageGuy Is it worth moving to a relationship with your FWB if you have feelings for her and she wants more?

@SparklingStars10 Unfortunately, I think it may be too late... She hadn't discussed her thoughts about our existing relationship with me, and I've kinda been presented with a "fait accompli"

I'm meeting her on Wednesday, but I don't hold out any hope.

Similar again. I got dumped by text. We'd been on holiday together and had the most amazing time, despite the ED. I then went away, he then went away. An issue came up which couldn't wait until we were both home and he's choosing to end things rather than have a conversation about how to move forward from it. Crazy.

He's refusing to meet up to discuss anything.

Another fait accompli-his head had clearly decided. I've known him for years prior to dating him, so this behaviour is not unexpected from him. He very much buries his head in the sand over anything difficult. Easier to bin me off than to have a tricky conversation. Which in itself tells me a lot about how he feels about me.

Average guy...if things don't work out for you Wednesday and my date is rubbish on Friday, you're on!

@Jumpking "if things don't work out for you Wednesday and my date is rubbish on Friday, you're on!"

lol.. so now I don't know whether to hope that we're both successful, or failures... I'll be too old, ugly, and too far away for you

At least my FWB had the decency to tell me face to face. After I'd made us both a meal at her place, that is...

We're meeting in a public place so that there is "no temptation" - I'm not quite sure who that's aimed at - we both have similar, er, appetites . The week before she dropped the bombshell, we'd had an amazing evening. Suffice to say ED was never an issue...

Sorry to hear this @AverageGuy. It sounded like a good arrangement. Glad you're getting back out there.

@PinotPony - thanks.
I thought so. We'd seen each other at least twice a week, had weekends away, been on holiday together, pushed each others boundaries, explored & experimented, but never discussed feelings... that's definitely down to me, because I believed I wanted something casual...

I just wish she had said something...

Sorry @Jumpking don't mean to hijack your thread!

Maybe she thought the FWB would lead to a relationship but you maybe didn’t give off the right signs you possibly wanted more. It’s never too late though, as you’re meeting Weds, be honest with her and perhaps see where things go.

No apology necessary 😁

@AverageGuy not sure whether you have considered this, but could your (ex) FWB have developed feelings and want more from you? Could that be why she has suddenly ended it when it seemed to be going well? It’s surprisingly common. Would you consider a relationship with her?

@Onlinetherapist - I would consider a relationship with her, and I've told her that, but she had already decided to make a go of things with this other guy.

I'm not playing the"pick me" dance. I'll simply tell her exactly how I feel (I've written it all down - five pages!), and leave it to her.

As I say, I'm assuming we're over, am back on the dating apps and I'm going to a social event on Friday (yes @PinotPony one of those social events).

@AverageGuy ah ok, I got it all wrong. (If the other guy exists).

@Onlinetherapist oh,I'm pretty sure he exists. She was seeing him before the split (I knew, it was part of our agreement)

This post has been playing on my brain.

How can you have done all these things together and it not be a relationship? Seeing each other, nights away, fair enough, but going on holiday together? That feels relationship to me.

Genuinely trying to understand here.

@Jumpking - and that's the crux of it, isn't it?

You are absolutely right, we did have a relationship - I was just too blind to see it.

I see now that I was fooling myself that we just had something casual, and didn't perhaps allow myself to recognise / accept / realise that we had transitioned into something more until it was too late.

I've been a complete and utter (insert favourite swear word) idiot, and may have lost the best thing that has happened to me in a very very long time because of it. Anyone have a time machine I can borrow?

But we came here to talk about you, not me... How did you meet the guy you are seeing on Friday? Are you looking forward to it?

5 pages?? Front and back?? 😉

@Allthegoodnamesaregoneffs No, only two and a half (nearly three) front & back...

It was a FRIENDS reference just in case you'd never seen it 😁

@Allthegoodnamesaregoneffs Despite my pain, I couldn't help sneaking in a "life isn't like Friends, and we aren't Ross & Rachel" comment in it...

I wanted to put that earlier, but didn't want to explain the Friends bit!!!!

How did the five pages go down today @AverageGuy ?

Good morning all. Thanks for being interested in my life - I'd like to apologise again to @Jumpking for hi-jacking her thread - Sorry!

The five pages didn't change anything, but I didn't expect it too. I just wanted her to know how I felt. We talked for a couple of hours, and I can see why she pulled away from me, and the (many and varied!) mistakes I made during our relationship - some of them situational, and some just plain stupidity on my part.

The meeting wasn't as emotional or painful as I had thought it might be. Talking through things helped, and I feel much better this morning.

So it's onward & upward. Lessons have been learnt (do we ever stop learning?), and today is a new day.

I may be risking falling into a "rebound" relationship, but I'm going back on the dating apps, have a friends birthday party tomorrow, where there will be a mixture of singles & couples, and am planning a couple of other things, so who knows.

And of course, if @Jumpking 's date doesn't work out tomorrow, we can always get together, and cry on each others shoulders or something