He fantasies about watching me

[dohelome]

Have sex with other men... I go along with talk of it because it does turn me on. But part of me wonders can he really love me if he wouldn't mind this ? Don't really understand why he wouldn't get jealous ?

I have a similar fantasy of Dw, and she has similar of me, but wants to watch me with a man. I think, being honest, we are very unlikely to follow up on this, but if we did it would be a one off for each of us. We enjoy the talk and "planning" of it tho.

It’s just a fantasy and not reality. We all have fantasies but many remain just fantasies.

I have the same fantasy about my wife (m here). And she has similar misgivings to you I think.

From my point of view the jealousy thing doesn't come into it as that is part of the excitement of the idea - doing something that is a little taboo and out of the usual. Also for me, the thought of seeing my wife enjoy herself with another man is part of the fantasy, I love her and love to see her have fun. I fully acknowledge that may not be the reality and that it will never happen however.

We all have different ideas and things that excite us, not necessarily always the same. Sometimes they need to remain in one person's head and sometimes they can be shared, but it is difficult exploring these ideas together especially when both parties do not share the same fantasy.

You might be surprised just how common a fantasy this is for men. Well, maybe not common, but certainly far from unusual.
Not all men are possessive or jealous of their partners.
Personally speaking, as a man, I love the idea of my partner having sex with other men. I don't necessarily have to watch them together. Hearing them have sex is just as exciting. Or even knowing that she's going to meet someone in a hotel.
I don't mean that I want her to go out every weekend and pick up some guy. But if she met someone and there was a spark between them I wouldn't discourage her from letting it lead to a sexual encounter.
I love my partner and I want her to have as much pleasure in life as she can. Especially sexual pleasure. Her happiness is very, very important to me. Having sex with a different man wouldn't make me love her any less.
I've never discussed it with her because she's not shown any inclination to be interested in other men. And in general we don't discuss our fantasies.
Obviously, I'd be concerned that she could develop feelings for anyone else that she had sex with. That is the only real worry I'd have.
Given that we've never talked about this, it's extremely unlikely it'll ever happen. However, it remains an incredibly intense fantasy for me.

People find different things exiting. And sex doesn’t always have anything to do with love and emotions.
Jealousy is often about the fear of losing your partner - and it is often driven by the deceit, not the actual sexual act.
Meaning - same man who would find watching his W having sex with another guy without feeling jealous - would feel jealous and hurt if his W would break their agreed boundaries and started an affair.

If you and your H are thinking of ways to spice things up - maybe go to a strip club; sex show; swingers club? See how the atmosphere makes you feel?
Maybe you’ll get into some mood to experiment?

That's an excellent point, @josuk.

While I get extremely turned on by the thought of seeing my partner have sex with another man; or being in an adjacent room and hearing them having sex; the thought of her going behind my back and cheating would be devastating.
I'd definitely feel jealous and hurt in that scenario.

Her having sex with a different guy would have to be done within agreed boundaries and going beyond that would be unacceptable.

However, as I said previously, she's never given any inclination that this would be of interest to her, so it's just a theoretical exercise.
It will in all probability remain a fantasy that will never be fulfilled and I am fine with that.

My partner fantasies about watching me with another woman.
I'm bi and have a female fwb but he doesn't know so I could make his fantasy true anytime 😂
I think I will keep her all for me lol

Oh you sneaky thing , enjoy 😉

I love watching my wife have sex with other men. (well mainly just two other men).

We both have FwBs and the first time I watched her with another man was thrilling. I have also participated with them in both non MM intimacy and sexual MM intimacy.

I know she has sex with him when I'm not there and that thrills me too. She describes what they do.

We also have a couple with benefits that we are now meeting with almost weekly and hearing her having sex with him/her or them always thrills me as much as when I'm actively involved too.

I had this fantasy about my wife for a lot of years. Don't know why or where it came from. I love her very much, I am fundamentally monogamous and I would never want it to happen in real life..

I've shared it with her and occasionally she's been very turned on by the idea. Most other times she's found it a bit off-putting so I've mostly kept it to myself when we've been having sex. Plus I didn't want her to think I wanted to do it for real or that "normal" sex with her wasn't enough.

Where did it come from? Maybe the idea of watching her having sexy fun and just enjoying herself without me necessarily being involved. Also pride in her that other men find her sexy and exciting, and "sharing her" was striking some deeply primeval chord of eroticism. Jealousy (in the fantasy) just didn't feature. I just found the idea very arousing. Yet, as I say I'd hate it happening for real.

I guess sex can be such a powerful and basic urge that it can drive the imagination into some rather wild places you would never go to in real life.

As it happens this particular scenario has faded over the last few years and I enjoy good sex with my wife without it popping into my mind as it used to.

Another man here who likes the idea of it but DP isn't interested so it will remain a fantasy.

For me the appeal of it it watching my DP get sexual enjoyment, without me being directly involved. So, similar to the appeal of watching her masturbate.

Jealousy wouldn't really come into it for me, because I'm still a part of the situation. If she went off and started sleeping with someone behind my back without my knowledge, that would make me extremely jealous.

I also have a similar fantasy about my DP watching me have sex with another woman, and it turning her on. Again, the fact I'm having sex with another woman isnt the important part of the fantasy, its the fact that my DP is getting off on it.

This sounds like a lot of fun!!!!!

I love my husband very much but the idea of having sex with someone new does have its appeal.

Can he really love you if he want to watch you with someone else? That question assumes a certain type of connection between love, sex and jealousy, and that's not the same for everyone. He might be able to, or he might not. Same for you. Unfortunately there's only one way to find out, and it's a one way trip. An MNer said to me ages ago that you need to figure out if you're emotionally monogamous before you try FWBs / 3somes / swinging. I think that's good advice.

Is it possible he wants to "watch" as much as he wants to watch you? Perhaps if you try watching some good porn together (try Erica Lust) you might get a better idea of what you're both comfortable with.

Good luck.

I did this with my ex partner. Weekend away with another couple, some friends of ours. Too much drink and a foursome type situation started which became very much the guys sharing each one of us in turn. I must admit incredibly arousing being centre of attention and the feeling of being so naughty.

My ex admitted how much a fantasy this had been. We did split up but not because of that.

My husband also loves the fantasy in bed....so knowing how powerful it is I join in the dirty talk and a bit of role play with him which works well...he has extremely strong orgasms when we role play this.

I think a lot of guys have a bit of this as a fantasy...not sure why really. I wouldn't do for real again with DH as would be too worried about causing issues in our marriage etc

As I've stated above my wife and I have threesomes with FwBs and also enjoy watching each other having sex with others and hearing about it when we're not there.

I love my wife deeply and do not feel one single pang of jealously over this. We love sharing ourselves with others.

We have a couple with benefits who we spend at least one night a week with most weeks and talking dirty is also part of it, we talk about 'fucking your husband/wife' and assorted others and this adds to the intense feelings and orgasms we've all had with each other this weekend.

Providing everyone is comfortable with it go ahead.

This was my OHs fantasies (still is) and when he first told me I was shocked and worried and like you thinking how could he love me but still want to see me with other men (plural). Now, this is a big part of both of our dirty talk and really gets us both turned out. We tell eachother how we'd like the event to play out etc...

Right now, it's not something we'd consider acting on in real life, however we have been thinking about visiting a swingers event to watch and come home turned on, so you never know 😉

This was my OHs fantasies (still is) and when he first told me I was shocked and worried and like you thinking how could he love me but still want to see me with other men (plural)

I guess your reaction would be quite common among women whose partners suggested this as a fantasy they'd like to fulfill.
However, while a lot of men equate love with possessiveness and jealousy and would hate the thought of their wife/girlfriend having sex with another man (or men), there are clearly also men out there who derive a great deal of pleasure from it.

It's been interesting reading comments from women who have incorporated the notion into their sex lives by way of dirty talk, yet are unsure or reluctant about actually doing it in real life. Even though they admit getting very turned on by it.
But I suppose that's the nature of fantasies.
Many will never be enacted for various reasons.

I had an ex who was very much into the idea of this, although more from a cuckolding perspective. We did take the fantasy into RL a couple of times, but it then made him want more of it, rather than satisfying the fantasy.

Were you excited at the prospect, @MaryJoLisa, or did you just do it in real life to please your ex?

I'd see this fantasy as something to enhance our sex life rather than to replace the regular sex.
Maybe coming from a cuckolding perspective, your ex saw it in a different light.

While it's very much my fantasy, I'd want my partner to derive as much pleasure as she could, were it to ever happen.

I also have this fantasy and my wife and I sometimes fantasise about it during sex. Particularly if alcohol has been consumed. We even bought one of those dildos that stick to the wall so we could roleplay it. I do think we might eventually one day do it for real, but it would have to be a stranger. Probably at some sex club.

I also have a more extreme version of the fantasy that I've never shared with her where I give her an occasional hall pass to dress really inappropriately and go 'on the pull' when she is away at a works conference. She is allowed to flirt and kiss and a good bit more without going all the way, then she comes home and tells me all about it before and while we have sex.

I guess I get off on the idea of her acting very filthy in both scenarios. I'd never actually want the second scenario to happen, so much so that when I fantasise about it, while I am married to the woman in the fantasy. She's not played by my real life wife, but instead by another woman from my past who will have no idea she is playing this role. I assume this is down to me feeling embarrassment or shame about the whole thing.

Fantasies are weird.

I haven't read the responses but just my advice. A friend of mine did this but with a woman. Her man went on and on about watching her with another woman and she agreed. She said it opened a Pandora's box of jealousy, insecurity and resentment. She was jealous he found the other woman more attractive, he was jealous of the other woman, they both ended up insecure and resentful as she felt she was 'made to do it' and he resented her for doing it. It went from a planned excited Saturday night to a toxic nightmare by the Monday. They split up about a year later. She said that incident was the turning point of hell. If it was me I would keep it in your heads as a fantasy. My hubby likes the thought of us having sex with other couples, not sharing but if another couple were laying next to us say or we were in a room of people having sex. I am not down with that at all but I will talk dirty sometimes about it if I'm wanking him. Doesn't make me wet in the slightest to say (I actually cringe) imagine a couple doing a 69ner there but he loves it. It's five and take, I love a fantasy of being spit roasted so we've got a suction cock I will suck whilst we are having sex, we would never get a real man. But as long as it's legal and you get off who cares 😜

@Thorninhisside I was excited initially, but he was trying to orchestrate it and direct it for his fantasy rather than my pleasure which got a bit tedious. I'm more than happy to make a partner happy, but it ended up that I'd shag someone to get him going, rather than because I wanted to iyswim.

It's a porn thing. Too much porn

You can't just say it's a porn thing. Thats ridiculous.

I have this fetish about my OH. Mine definitely didn't come about from porn.
Mine was more organic. We had a small break early on in our marriage. I found out she had slept with a few other men in that time. At first i felt the usual jealousy but over time i the thoughts of her sleeping with other men started to creep in and turn me on.

During the odd "personal time" the thought of her with someone else crept into my mind and at first i would shake it off and think "whats wrong with you?"
but it happened more and more. To the stage where this is my go to thoughts.

we eventually spoke about it and she even confessed that one of the guys she slept with was the best she ever had (even better than me). Again i felt jealous at first but also again i this eventually this turned me on. She told me all about their times together and honestly i had never been so hard.

Long story short i now long for her to find the best sex she can. Something about the better sex she has more i enjoy it.

In this modern day why cant we have a fantastic relationship as well as her having fantastic sex.

I find this very arousing….