He fantasies about watching me

[dohelome]

Have sex with other men... I go along with talk of it because it does turn me on. But part of me wonders can he really love me if he wouldn't mind this ? Don't really understand why he wouldn't get jealous ?

I find many of these messages very arousing and should love to participate sometime especially with a bi male

dohelome My wife and I watch each other and participate in having sex with both men and woman, it's a massive turn on and we just don't get jealous in any way, I think maybe because we have a string loving relationship and we know we will not go off with the other person.

I've seen her many times sucking on a man's dick and then fucking him and it just gets me very hard. Sometimes I join in and sometimes I just 'help my self.

I have mentioned on here before that as well as FwBs we have a couple with benefits who we see most weeks and did this bank holiday weekend and we all had intimate sex with each other at some stage in every combination of threesomes,

I would love to watch DH with another woman. I've asked him, even suggested a swingers club but it's not his thing.

I spoke to my DH about it last night…

He said that he’d like the idea of a FFM (shock horror) but thinks I would get too jealous, and he said there’s no way he’d consider a MMF as he said he just couldn’t watch me with another man.

Sounds like double standards to me…..

That's different to what's mentioned in the OP though. The way you described it you're not fantasising about watching her, rather thinking about what she's done in the past. That's totally different.

And it is a porn thing in almost all cases, with a healthy side order of insecurity (and racism in a lot of cases as well), and it creates problems in relationships for three reasons.

Firstly, thanks to porn, many men are totally dependent on watching and not participating to achieve arousal, and have forgotten that real life lovemaking involves mutual participation and pleasure on both sides. That's not good.

Secondly, porn allows men to 'programme' their ideal sexual encounter through the various keywords and categories, and think they can do the same in a real life relationship by ordering their partner to perform in a way that turns them on only, as if they were a robot or a lapdancer. That's not good

Thirdly, it's a manifestation of a desire to control. Desire to watch partners often comes from a place of insecurity, so men think that if they're in control (key word bolded) of how their wife is unfaithful, that makes it easier to handle. That's not good either.

You talk about wanting your wife to have the 'best sex she can', but this is for your benefit, not for hers

You sound like either you have had a bad experience or no experience whatsoever. I can’t quite decide which.

I don’t see how my doing is different from the OP. Her partner wants to watch her with other men. Same as myself. Sounds the same to me.

Plus you can’t just say men this and men that. You do know that there’s several billions of us aren’t all the same.

I also certainly don’t “order my wife around” and at no point have I ever put pressure on her to “perform”. I was open about my fetish when it came around and she was open to it as well.

We are both consenting adults and your talk about insecurities is way off. The only reason we can play the way we do it because we are a strong couple without insecurities. Do you really think letting my partner sleep with other would work if we were insecure.

I think it’s obvious your lacking in experience and/or knowledge. You clearly have pre conceived ideas about things I.e porn, sex and men. I think you should do some research that not inline with your agendas before you make any more ridiculous comments.

No I wouldn’t want this and nor would my husband the thought of him with another women is not a turn on

DP loves watching me with other guys, as long as he feels involved in some way, either playing with me in a MFM set up or soft/full swapping with another couple.

He says it turns him on to see me enjoying myself and makes him feel proud that other men find me desirable.

I don't think that has anything to do with how much he loves me. Our relationship is so much more than physical sex so I think we separate those aspects quite easily. Both of us can find another human being attractive and want to have sex with them, it doesn't mean anything more than that.

Excellent post PinotPony. Sums up my wife's and my feelings about this.

We can easily separate the sex we have with others.

I don't always have to be involved when watching my wife with another man (or indeed a woman) I'm happy to watch and masturbate.

She currently has two different men she fucks. I've had intimate MMF sex with both of them(both with my wife and with one of the men's wife) and my wife is asking how I would feel if she had them both at the same time.

I'd find it a massive turn on and we are thinking about arranging it.

ladypink1, don't ever feel pressurised into doing anything you don't want to or would make you in anyway uncomfortable.

Bedtimeisthebest,I am so envious !

I have the same arrangement with my fwb and my partner's fwb - mfm, ffm

It is very comfortable and less stressful with people you can trust and no pressure.

Yiu do realise that “kinks” including 3somes and watching existed a long time before internet “ porn?

chocolateonmyface Of course. We have all seen the sculptures and read about Roman Orgies.

Nothing is ever new. Just keeping history alive.

I’d like history lessons like that!😀

Can I ask how/where you meet people willing to participate?
This is something my husband and I talk about and are “tentatively” considering. However we wouldn’t want it to be with anyone too close.
Genuinely wondering how people come across other people they would like to have sex with their spouse and how they then drop that into conversation. Websites seem a little seedy to me, I don’t know why. Also I like an older man, websites I’ve looked at seem to all be young men. 20s/30s.

We joined Killing Kittens and hung around on the newbies chat group to get our confidence with other couples who were just starting out. Made a group of really nice friends, had non-play socials. Then jumped in the deep end with a few parties and private meets. All very chilled out and no pressure.

Personally I wanted to get to know couples before playing with them and chatting in a community setting was a good way of doing that.

We stay in contact with a handful of people and meet up occasionally. In January we're having a weekend away with 14 of us including some "friends of friends" so that's a relaxed way of meeting new people too. Would much rather have an introduction than meet a random online stranger.

Might be better if it does remain a fantasy.

It's very risky, when you share someone with someone else there's always a risk it might split the relationship up.

There are sites and one is FS - not sure if I can name it but use at own risk it is the biggest.
We joined it, mostly very randy men there the vast majority and ones I spoke with were wiht OH's but they said their OH was ok about them being on that site but they were not interested.

Lots of couple with pics

We met a couple of guys via video link not like their pics, so we never met.
Others were as nice as pie until you asked probing questions.

I guess meeting people on the web may be a bit safer than just meeting a radmon in a pub/etc

Always be careful, careful re your details and if meeting someone new tell your mate/etc and give them as much detail as you can.

There are many nice people there as well but like anything these days you always have to be careful

I knew a guy that supervised a naturist club about 30 years ago he told me most of the men aged 30+ had though about sharing their wife with another bloke watching etc but only 30 odd percent went all the way. Women often will enjoy being watched but rarely seeing their man with anaother woma so I can say its a man thing wanting to watch your OH with another guy.

We are too old for this stuff but hoping to ease selfs into nature beaches in the summer as it is easy ie keep clothes on find a secluded area in dunes and undress if you wish or partially so on an appropriate beach. Some really nice people there to chat to etc.

@girlfriend44

One can reduce the "risk" by ensuring your OH is not left alone with the other person and ideally, you only meet once.

IMHO, if a couple agree to a threesome it actually makes stronger their bond as sex is part of life so why cheat when you have your OH and extra material fun with consent.

Open relationships can lead to divorce why risk what you've got for a cheap thrill.

girlfriend44

It's clear this kind of relationship is not for you and you're right to warn of the dangers.

My wife and I have had an open marriage for about 10 years now. We spoke about it open and honestly before going ahead with it.

I can 100% say that there has never once been any jealously, whether we're apart or together when having sex with others #.

Neither of will ever leave for someone else, we just know that's the case.

I find it intensely arousing watching my wife with another or others.

We said right at the start if either of us ever had doubts then we would stop and neither of us had ever had to do that.

We are both looking forward to tomorrow when our couple with benefits spend two nights with us.