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Original poster

Casual sex and haemmorhoid

31 replies

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 15:45

After a 16 year marriage and 2 years of single life I’ve started getting back out there in terms of sex….have lost 11lbs, dropped a dress size and generally feeling pretty good and ready to have some fun. I’ve got a date on Friday, he’s younger than me, won’t be anything more than a casual thing. All good.

Except, on Friday I noticed that I’ve got a massive haemmorhoid that has sprung up out of nowhere! WTF?! I’ve never suffered from these except when I was pregnant. My diet is the best it’s ever been, I exercise every day, no constipation. I’ve been celibate for 2 years with a perfectly smooth asshole and now this. I feel like god is trying to cockblock me.

What should I do? Do I cancel? Style it out and hope he doesn’t notice (he almost certainly will). Anyone had casual sex with piles and the guy didn’t notice?

any magic cures welcome 😭 it’s not at all painful, just there ruining my life.

OP posts:
LancashireLad · 06/07/2022 16:25

When I was 24 I had a brief "thing" with an older lady (42). It wasn't going to go into anything longer-term and we both knew that. But we really enjoyed each other's company and we ended up having some really phenomenal sex. All I could think about was that I was with this sexy, experienced and bright lady and I had a really good time.

The thing is she had a haemorrhoid. I barely noticed it at the time and I'd entirely forgotten about it until I read your post. All I have in my memory is the love!y woman she was and the great time we had together.

I'd just go for it. He most probably won't think anything less of you for it if he even notices.

EndersGame · 06/07/2022 18:45

You are worrying needlessly. He won't notice, if he does he won't say anything. If he says anything you tell him to do one and clear off.

Estherpologist · 06/07/2022 19:09

Unless you've actively planned to have sex together, or have booked a hotel room, you don't have to shag him on the first date.
If it was me, I'd wait till it was healed so I wasn't feeling self conscious and could enjoy myself.
If you already feel comfortable with him, tell him. If he's a dick about it, you've lost nothing. If he's OK with it, maybe he could be a long term FWB?
(And if God hadn't actively wanted you to enjoy sex, She wouldn't have given you a clit! 😁)

Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 20:15

We are planning to have sex yes. I just don’t know how long it will take to go away. Could be weeks. Leaning towards styling it out then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 20:19

Any tips on how to get rid quickly? Currently doing Epsom salt baths and smearing on hydrocortisone cream like there’s no tomorrow

OP posts:
Estherpologist · 06/07/2022 20:28

See your GP. Tell them it's been a couple of weeks, and they might give you something industrial strength.

Siameasy · 06/07/2022 20:29

No idea how to get rid but I honestly can’t imagine him declining because of a pile. It’s not like your under carriage is entering a competition! Loads of women have them especially if they’ve had kids. I had a rather elaborate delivery and have got lots of scars downstairs and my DH doesn’t care.

Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 20:33

Well maybe skip receiving oral?! I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with a pile just right there in full view, his face that close.

But if it was me I'd definitely still go ahead with sex, just make sure he warms me up with fingers instead. And I'd probably limit positions to ones where my ass in not on show

Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 20:53

Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 20:33

Well maybe skip receiving oral?! I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with a pile just right there in full view, his face that close.

But if it was me I'd definitely still go ahead with sex, just make sure he warms me up with fingers instead. And I'd probably limit positions to ones where my ass in not on show

No oral 😭

OP posts:
Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 21:02

Up to you but he'll be looking it in the eye Grin

Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 21:03

Could you just use a finger to pop it back inside your butt? After a nice warm bath

Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 21:17

Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 21:03

Could you just use a finger to pop it back inside your butt? After a nice warm bath

It’s an external dick head one. Won’t go inside, I tried

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/07/2022 21:17

WHY NOW

OP posts:
LancashireLad · 06/07/2022 21:42

As a man I'll butt out now (sorry!) but just finally to say that if he is anything like me it would be pretty much irrelevant to the pleasure being given/received. .

In the experience I mentioned I was really close up and personal at times - and I mean REALLY close up and personal. She was squeaky clean and it was all sensual orgasmic pleasure. Haemorrhoid totally irrelevant.

Given, there's self-consciousness to be overcome, but as a man (if he's anything like me) he's really not going to worry over much.

altmember · 06/07/2022 23:36

Kitten2 · 06/07/2022 21:02

Up to you but he'll be looking it in the eye Grin

He probably won't even see it whilst giving you oral, unless he's doing it from behind or 69. Lay on your back and it's out of view. Much more likely to feel it with his hands, but don't worry about it because I doubt it'll put off any decent bloke.

Opentooffers · 07/07/2022 00:30

It can be surprising how effective haemorrhoid cream is - like anusol etc. An ex showed me a huge one once, I was convinced it would need surgical removal, but a couple of days of the cream and no sign of it.
He was also a gym bunny, so may have been straining too hard pulling weights, maybe it's the exercise you are doing?

DillonPanthersTexas · 07/07/2022 09:26

It’s an external dick head one. Won’t go inside, I tried

"To defeat the hemorrhoid you must become the hemorrhoid"

Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 07/07/2022 15:47

DillonPanthersTexas · 07/07/2022 09:26

It’s an external dick head one. Won’t go inside, I tried

"To defeat the hemorrhoid you must become the hemorrhoid"

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 07/07/2022 15:48

Opentooffers · 07/07/2022 00:30

It can be surprising how effective haemorrhoid cream is - like anusol etc. An ex showed me a huge one once, I was convinced it would need surgical removal, but a couple of days of the cream and no sign of it.
He was also a gym bunny, so may have been straining too hard pulling weights, maybe it's the exercise you are doing?

Am going nuts with the germaloids. So far nothing 😞

OP posts:
Pandorapitstop · 07/07/2022 20:15

Anusol suppositories will do the trick ( from supermarket tonight!)

Flyinggeese1234 · 07/07/2022 21:55

How about not showing him your arse hole on the first date?!

Memyselfandfood · 07/07/2022 22:32

Anusol suppositories will do the trick ( from supermarket tonight!)
only work well for internal ones, cream is better for external ones

Memyselfandfood · 07/07/2022 22:33

Flyinggeese1234 · 07/07/2022 21:55

How about not showing him your arse hole on the first date?!

How about not being judgemental?

Original poster
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 07/07/2022 23:04

Flyinggeese1234 · 07/07/2022 21:55

How about not showing him your arse hole on the first date?!

Did you miss the part where I’ve been single for 2 years? At this point I’ll gladly show you my asshole

OP posts:
rwalker · 08/07/2022 14:18

Just don't go flashing your backdoor and you'll be fine .

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