Doesn’t feel hard

[Ladybirdbutton]

can anyone tell me the obvious difference between a full erection and semi please?
i don’t have much experience of sex but my partner never feels hard during and sometimes I can’t feel him at all. I can’t find much online and I don’t want to end up in porn territory finding comparison pictures so if anyone could help I’d really appreciate it, worried about hurting his feelings but I want to enjoy sex too

A fully erect penis should be pretty much rock hard, anything less than and you might struggle with penetrative intercourse

I know it sounds really pathetic that I don’t know but should it feel like touching bone or should there be some squeeze to it? It’s never fully upright just straight ahead facing up if that makes sense. I feel so embarrassed to be asking this but I’m genuinely confused and don’t want to shame him by asking him directly if it’s normal for it to feel ‘squidgy’ thanks for not being judgemental

Well, not exactly bone – that really would be rock hard! More like hard rubber: stiff and upright, but with a small bit of give. Anything less isn't a full erection. Fairly sure 'semi-erect' and 'squidgy' would fall into the category of erectile dysfunction.

Agreed with the above. Bravo on the description 😂

There may be something going on in the physical/mental space that's stopping him getting there if you're both trying.

Thank you definitely only semi then

How old is he? Have you ever seen it fully hard as described above?

25 and no never

I'm not sure if you're expecting it to be pointing beyond horizontal. It can be fully erect but just pointing straight out from the body. Its still subject to the laws of physics.

I think laws of biology rather than physics.

Apparently erections can be horizontal as well as vertical (though I've never experienced that). So that's human biology. I don't think the laws of gravity would apply unless the item in question was several feet long.

The floppiness is the real issue, and that does sound like erectile dysfunction. If it doesn't bother either of you, no problem. But I think most couples would see it as a difficulty.

No, not like bone, when fully erect it should be stiff to the touch, but it’s full of blood so it won’t be “solid “ as such , if it’s squidgy, then he has an issue

www.coloplastmenshealth.com/erectile-dysfunction/how-does-an-erection-occur/

Man here - getting on a bit approaching 60.

When I was a young(er) man an erection was very hard (think bone with a thin layer of skin) and was easy to keep hard without too much squeezing of the kegels. The angle of attack was always pretty vertical and, I think, width was good.

Nowadays I have to squeeze the kegels much more, the "hardness" is not so good and the angle of attack is dropping despite how hard I squeeze. I suspect as a result of the reduced hardness width is not as good. The little blue pill helps a little bit.

I am (very) fit, healthy, trim and have very good blood pressure (ie low rather than high). I have a good sex drive and fit in with average size.

In my experience some men get harder than others, and for some the hardness varies from session to session, or even during a session. Again in my experience it is possible to still have satisfying PIV sex, and for the man to climax, even when he is not fully hard (as in almost bone hard).

So a few questions - do you enjoy the sex? Does he? And do either of you climax during the sex, or from other activities? (Not that this is the be all and end all, but still).

When you mentioned being unable to feel it, it did remind me of something a friend said - that when her partner was suffering erectile problems and couldn't get hard at all, he would sometimes just sort of act as if he was inside her, when she knew he actually wasn't. Which she understandably found difficult. Could this be what is happening OP?

No the sex is bad and as I can’t feel anything I feel like I’m being bumped. I have never orgasmed. Sometimes he will but struggles to get there. He usually loses what erection he does have half way through sex. I don’t think it’s hard enough for me to feel it or get pleasure even when I know it’s in. He acts like nothing is wrong so I feel terribly guilty for hating the sex and crying about it as I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

You're 25? Is he 25 too? How long have you been together?

Does he ever notice that you don't come? Is he at all concerned with your pleasure?? Everyone deserves good sex - you need to talk to him, tell him that you want to help you both to have better sex because you both deserve more. Don't go on pretending nothing is wrong, it's daft, it's clearly upsetting you. And if he doesn't care then you deserve better than him.

Perhaps you could use sex toys together? A previous partner was having a stressful time at work and our sex life took a hit for a while as he couldn't maintain an erection for long (it went from very stiff and big to half up and a bit squishy). He used a vibrator on me instead of just leaving me high and dry half way through a sex session. Not ideal but it was a work around and meant I didn't come away disappointed / unsatisfied.
He was confident and made the transition from dick to vibrator smooth and not awkward at all.
He was an amazing lover and v skilled at foreplay.
However it sounds like your guy might not be giving you pleasure in this way and that's ok to admit. Sexual satisfaction is important.

We're 6 or 7 years older than your partner so still quite young. ED isn't just for older chaps.

This makes me really sad for you.
You deserve to enjoy sex.
My real fear, as you are worried about talking to him about it is that he is unconcerned that you are not enjoying it and is unaware.
He should be.

At 25 this is concerning.
You cannot spend much more time on this without giving him the opportunity to discuss it and change the situation. Give him this chance, be honest, and if it doesn't improve then I would consider pastures new. Sorry.

If you are only 25, that’s terrible, I’m more than twice that age and my erections are still mostly okay

There's a physical or mental health thing on the go there. Testosterone and ge really heart health blood test should be explored st that age as a starter

Good luck

Thank you all
does anyone know if hayfever medication or strong pain killers can cause it or am I clutching at straws

Hay fever meds no, painkillers maybe, but would take years taking pain medication

Is the guy is 25 and in general good health and not a heavy drinker/ smoker / drug / pot user, the ED and 25 needs proper medical intervention

I hate to be that poster but apparently overuse of porn can influence this too. Not tarring all young chaps with the same brush but thought it was worth mentioning. Do you know if he masturbates/regularly and how that goes?

Being on antidepressants can cause issues in that department, of course...