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Sex on Friday for first time with FWB

49 replies

letsgototown · 05/01/2022 22:47

So, I have been married for about 15 years. Most of those years were sexless. This summer I decided enough was enough and called a halt to our relationship. We are still living together in separate rooms and have kids. Not sure quite what will happen but probably maintain this for a bjt whilst we figure out. Not many people know.

A guy I knew before my DH has come back into my life via social media. We have been in touch over email etc for a few months and it has got progressively filthier. He is definitely one that got away at the time. It has given me back a libido I thought has died... A relationship isn't on the cards but FWB is. And exploring what that might mean. We are meeting up on Friday. I am beyond excited/nervous that he won't fancy me after all this time. And also I can't believe that I am at the very end of my period. So there may well be a bit of blood there.

My question. Would you have sex knowing this even though he is older then me (I'm mid forties and he is early 50s). Arguably we've both had kids and been around the block but I still feel ridiculously embarrassed to bring it up in potentially heat of moment. Ugh. That's if the sex even happens!

People who have FWB - do you have an 'evening' or is it a couple of hours of fucking and then see you later type thing? I am quite open to this as an adventure but also worried about protecting myself emotionally.

OP posts:
Abbo552 · 05/01/2022 23:05

So, I have recently seeing someone in an FWB type situation, we don’t meet that often, but tend to make a weekend of it, book hotel room overnight, meet somewhere for a nice lunch, retire to the hotel room for some fun, go out later for an evening meal, more fun, then maybe again in the morning.

Both of us have done STI tests so we can go condom free ( her request not mine), I’m early 50’s, she is couple of years older

SortingItOut · 06/01/2022 07:09

When I had FB and FWB I generally just went over for sex and left after a short while.
Very occasionally I might have gone out for a meal with them but I only really wanted sex and meals out felt too relationship like.

Speak to this man and agree it between you. There is no right or wrong.

Whatever you do keep your emotions in check, I can have sex without emotion being involved but I know a lot of people can't.

AverageGuy · 06/01/2022 11:34

@letsgototown - I have a FWB, and the "Friends" bit is as important as the "Benefits" bit.

We usually see each other twice a week.

We get together mid week for a meal, a chat, and sex - we're normally together for four or five hours, and then at the weekend, when we have longer together, and might do something like go out for a meal, to the cinema etc, and sometimes it's an overnight stay, so we might go to hotel. We're thinking about going on holiday together later this year, which would be a large step for both of us.

As a pp has said there is no right or wrong - the relationship is what you make of it. Decide on what you want out of it (just sex, then imho, thats a FB, not FWB - casual sex and someone to chat to, go out with, etc - FWB), agree that with your potential partner, and go for it" Grin

Do watch out for catching the "feels"...

Notconfident · 06/01/2022 15:13

We meet up as often as we can which can be tricky with his work/other commitments and sometimes means we don't see each other for a few weeks/months but always worth it when we have chance to hook up again Grin

We usually hang out for a bit or go for a meal or something before having 'fun' to catch up and generally just enjoy each other's company, we chat for a little bit after and then go our separate ways with lots of texting/sexting etc in between. We plan at some point to make a weekend of it or do an overnight, it just hasn't been possible yet. Neither of us want a relationship so this works for both of us at the moment.

Definitely watch out for the feels as you already have an emotional connection there.

letsgototown · 06/01/2022 17:42

I suppose I feel a bit on back foot as this is my first FWB experience and he is in an open marriage so I am the newbie here. How would you approach the fact I am at end of cycle??? For some reason this is really stressing me out.

OP posts:
Notconfident · 06/01/2022 17:49

@letsgototown

I suppose I feel a bit on back foot as this is my first FWB experience and he is in an open marriage so I am the newbie here. How would you approach the fact I am at end of cycle??? For some reason this is really stressing me out.
Talk to him. Communication is key regardless of whether or not you're going to have sex. Sex in the shower? If you feel confident enough, maybe suggest some alternative naughty ideas that don't involve sex. Teasing each other within the boundaries of what you're both comfortable with is amazing

My FWB is my first one too, I'm not particularly experienced in this area but we talked a lot before going down the FWB route about any concerns etc with a view of if it happened, it happened, if it didn't that was more than okay too.

letsgototown · 06/01/2022 17:54

We haven't seen each other for a long time in the flesh so despite the messages tomorrow is a test to see if it's still there... so god knows!!!

OP posts:
Notconfident · 06/01/2022 18:26

@letsgototown

We haven't seen each other for a long time in the flesh so despite the messages tomorrow is a test to see if it's still there... so god knows!!!
Similar story with me and my FWB XD We hadn't seen each other in years, the first time we just hung out together and to be honest I went really shy and didn't try anything and he was totally respectful and didn't either. Try not to stress, it doesn't have to happen, getting reacquainted can be just as much fun, just do what feels right for you :)
Mooncats · 06/01/2022 18:46

A bit dubious that someone from your past , 'the one that got away' , is now back in your life but in an open marriage ? Strangely convenient

letsgototown · 06/01/2022 18:46

You may be right @Mooncats we will see

OP posts:
letsgototown · 06/01/2022 18:47

I know quite a lot of detail so I don't think it's bollocks

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 06/01/2022 19:42

Have you checked with his wife he's in an open marriage?
People in open marriages are very open so I'm sure she'd be happy to confirm.....

letsgototown · 06/01/2022 21:37

In the nicest possible way, my OP was not to do with rubber stamping his relationship.

OP posts:
MsInsomniac · 07/01/2022 01:51

First time this happened for me I just said to him, I hope you are ok with blood, while we were still at the kissing stage. He was fine with blood!

HelpMeTree · 07/01/2022 15:04

If you’re worried about blood, you could try a SoftCup or similar. They are flat cups you wear that seal off the cervix but allow penetration.

Or, you could shower, put in a fresh tampon, cut off the string. He could still go down on you then you can whip the tampon out and carry on. This might be a bit much for first time.

BootySOS · 07/01/2022 16:21

I maybe wouldn't say anything until you have met, reconnected and started kissing.. it might well feel like that is enough for an initial meet up. Saving it might make it even more of a rush for next time.
And you might then be more relaxed = better sex.

letsgototown · 07/01/2022 18:52

Oh my god it was amazing. ☺️☺️☺️

OP posts:
BootySOS · 07/01/2022 22:36

Yay!!! That's fantastic Grin what were the highlights?

whylieandpretend · 07/01/2022 22:58

But you refer to your husband as " DH"
Nice 🤦‍♀️

Lifeispassingby · 08/01/2022 07:54

@letsgototown

Oh my god it was amazing. ☺️☺️☺️
So do tell........
Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 08/01/2022 10:15

@whylieandpretend

But you refer to your husband as " DH" Nice 🤦‍♀️
What's wrong with that? Are you trying to shame her lifestyle choices on a sex positive forum?
letsgototown · 08/01/2022 10:20

I was Ridiculously nervous we met up and had a few glasses of wine and went to a hotel for hours of doing absolutely everything. I feel completely different today. Just lighter. I can't explain it.

I used term DH out of habit not significance. Not looking for judgement here so do one pls.

OP posts:
Lifeispassingby · 08/01/2022 17:39

@letsgototown

I was Ridiculously nervous we met up and had a few glasses of wine and went to a hotel for hours of doing absolutely everything. I feel completely different today. Just lighter. I can't explain it.

I used term DH out of habit not significance. Not looking for judgement here so do one pls.

Sounds like you didn’t have any reason to worry! Do you have plans to meet again?
letsgototown · 08/01/2022 17:51

Definitely. The idea is to explore and do all the things we both want to... we had a few funny moments and now the nerves are out of the way it will be even better I expect.

I did anal douching beforehand which was good although it gave me cramp on the way to meet him which was NOT good!!!! Maybe I did too much.

Sex clubs - KK for eg. Have you been? What to expect?

OP posts:
whylieandpretend · 08/01/2022 17:53

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