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Original poster

Huff over intimate photo

34 replies

spacecadet · 14/12/2021 14:55

Started seeing someone in the summer and it's been a LDR since October. We had a few great weeks before I had to leave for a job in another country but have been whatsapping pretty regularly since and have planned a trip away together after Christmas.
The problem has arisen that he's very insistent about me trusting him enough to send him pictures. I've been fine with just the odd topless pic and even did a video call the other night. He wants more and has asked for a v-pic - sending me an example from the Internet as a reference point 🙄. When I said I wasn't happy to do it and had some boundaries he took the huff and said he wouldn't expect boundaries between him and his gf. I'm shocked because it now looks like our trip is off and the relationship is over.
He tried to justify his actions by saying I obviously don't love him as much as he loves me and has now gone silent. My question is, is there anything to salvage here or is this terminal and we are seriously going to break up over a v-pic?!

OP posts:
desperatehousewife21 · 14/12/2021 15:13

It’s not just a v pic, it’s him not accepting your boundaries which you have clearly expressed. If he wants to get huffy and potentially lose you over that then his loss!! He sounds like a pushy tosser.

ReadyforTakeOff · 14/12/2021 16:40

Dump the twat. What a stone cold loser.

"Oooh you don't love me". Does he have the mental age of a 5 year old?

Cut him out and run far far away.

ImprovingHusband · 14/12/2021 16:44

The thought of intimate photos on digital devices scares me - way too many cases in the press and public domain of photos and videos taken in good faith ending up in wider circulation. Just don't go there please!

Periods of separation happen, it's a test of faithfulness; not supposed to be easy. The month I spent apart from my wife early in our marriage (due to an overseas work trip) was really tough. She rightly insisted on a daily phone call, and we were deliberate about keeping the tone positive whatever was going on. No cheeky pics would have been a substitute for the actual reunification!

What has he been doing in return I wonder?

dogfishman · 14/12/2021 17:23

I agree he sounds like a dork. There's nothing wrong with intimate pics with people you completely trust, but the only acceptable response from him if you don't want to send that kind of pic is to accept graciously. And sending an example photo from the internet is just weird.
Personally ImprovingHusband I've rarely found temporary separation from partners all that hard, but that's probably why I've never got married ;-)

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 14/12/2021 17:25

That picture he sent as a reference is awful. It doesn’t sound like you’ve actually spent much time physically with this guy and he sounds like a twat. Run for the hills, he’s treated you like a porn doll asking for certain pictures.

Original poster
spacecadet · 14/12/2021 17:45

I agree with you all. I suppose I just wanted to check this isn't what everyone else is doing first. I knew that wasn't the case but he made me feel like some kind of repressed prude. He's way more experienced than me and I've sort of let him take the lead so far. I thought I was in control and just having a bit of fun but now the whole thing just gives me the ick...

OP posts:
Sparkybloke · 14/12/2021 17:50

Run for the hills! He sounds awful.

PinotPony · 14/12/2021 18:12

It's not the request for the picture which is the issue here. It's his reaction to your refusal.

He's a dick. Throw this one back.

Tal45 · 14/12/2021 18:55

He's trying to control and coerce you into v-pics by saying you mustn't love him as much as he loves you and ignoring you. He has zero respect for your boundaries and expects you not to have any. Huge red flags, he got abuser written all over him. Please run for the hills.

StrawberryJamSandwiches · 14/12/2021 19:06

@PinotPony

It's not the request for the picture which is the issue here. It's his reaction to your refusal.

He's a dick. Throw this one back.

I agree with this. What a twat.
DaftLiz · 14/12/2021 19:08

It’s a very intimate thing to ask of someone. It’s not acceptable to pressurise you at all

Freddy12 · 14/12/2021 19:51

Clearly fuck him off
No respect and pushing, not attractive at all
Not interested in what you want
What a wanker

Lovemusic33 · 14/12/2021 20:55

Dump him. No man should pester you to do something you feel uncomfortable with. No way would I be sending some bloke a photo of my vulva knowing he could share it with others.

hazelgrey · 15/12/2021 06:07

This is a huge red flag
Run

Please respect your own boundaries

Namechangednorth · 15/12/2021 06:11

Photos like he suggested are a lovely thing to have of your partner and shows trust and their enjoyment of seeing you most intimately. Fun taking as well. But sorry in this dangerous digital age I wouldn't risk it and his reaction to you saying no sums him up

MrsJackWhicher · 15/12/2021 06:27

How about requesting a lovely picture of your face????? Would definitely throw this one back.

Danceswithwhippets · 15/12/2021 06:55

A man's point of view here -
The problem is him and not your boundaries.
Once you send him an intimate image it is completely out of your control. Would you be comfortable him sending it to his mates, and his mates sending it to their mates, and ....?

mags1862 · 15/12/2021 10:26

telling him he can find plenty of such pictures on the net and send him packing .

Flatbellyfella · 15/12/2021 15:37

Forget him quickly, move on to a better relationship with someone else.

GeorgeOhWell · 15/12/2021 20:33

If he wants a picture of a twat tell have to take a selfie.

Ladywholoveswine · 15/12/2021 20:40

I have sent pictures to an ex before, not too intimate but naked without a close up of my vag. A few weeks after we split up, his friend started messaging me, he then told me my ex had shown him my pictures and asked if I was up for some fun.
Oh how young and naive I was 🤦🏻‍♀️

Rocaille · 15/12/2021 22:11

Never send intimate pictures, never entertain men who infringe your boundaries.

Notconfident · 15/12/2021 22:24

Dump him. He doesn't respect your boundaries and tries to guilt trip you to boot!

Didimum · 16/12/2021 08:01

Excuse me. He wouldn’t expect boundaries between him and a girlfriend? What in the hell …

Look up ‘the no test’. A simple tool used to identify potentially abusive partners that looks at their reaction upon being told ‘no’.

cosmicbabe · 16/12/2021 14:43

Brilliant. I would have sent him a picture of a massive dick from the internet and left it there...

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