NC but long-standing member, just posting as I think I need a sense check before I find I’m too far into something too weird.
I’m in the early stages of seeing someone I matched with through OLD. This follows a 20+ year marriage and then separation of over a year. It’s the first sexual encounter I’ve had since STBXH. Sex with STBXH was pretty vanilla. Before STBXH I was a bit more adventurous but not much. I’m pretty open-minded generally though and in the context of a trusting relationship I would be fairly open to trying most things.
The person I’ve started to see has been quite upfront quite early on about sexual fantasies involving him and his partner (ie me in this case) capturing, torturing and killing someone. His view is it’s just fantasy, for talking and mutual turn-on in a safe space between us. But in his fantasies ‘I’ am very proactive in the torturing etc and he has me doing quite graphic and brutal things.
This particular kind of fantasy is absolutely all new to me and I’m currently not comfortable, although in a general sense of course I get that fantasies are usually very different from something you actually expect to happen or would carry out.
I guess my question is whether I should be running for the hills now, early doors, or whether something like this is acceptable within a healthy adult sex life?