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Original poster

New guy doesn't go down on me. How to broach?

46 replies

Maria53 · 16/10/2021 19:59

Slept with each other three times now and he hasn't gone down on me once.

The second time we slept together he suggested doing '69' & the third time again no oral, although he did briefly stop to kiss my vagina between positions.

It is worth saying I have given oral each time although I don't feel as confident about it as I have with other men. This is because he is huge and I simply can't give a decent blowjob the way I have in the past. I get the impression it is probably an issue he encounters a lot.

Intercourse feels great & he fingers/rubs my clit a lot but I LOVE oral and I'm starting to feel resentful. The only time I have experienced this before was with an ex who didn't like it but did it for me after a talk - could always feel his heady wasn't in it.

How to broach without being like 'why aren't you doing this??"

OP posts:
Cuntness · 16/10/2021 20:21

How did you do 69 without him doing it?!

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 20:22

@Cuntness

How did you do 69 without him doing it?!
I wondered that! Confused
Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 20:23

Anyway you absolutely cannot ‘talk someone into’ doing something they’re not comfortable with - if the sexes were reversed here this post would read a bit Confused

You could ask if they don’t like doing it, but if they don’t for whatever reason, you have to either respect that or walk away.

Bananarama21 · 16/10/2021 20:23

There is a sex section op.

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/10/2021 20:24

RE 69 - it's not the same as the guy enthusiastically going down on you though is it?

I don't mind it in the heat of the moment. But it isn't the same as the guy going down on you where you can completely relax and enjoy. It seems like he doesn't like it or avoiding it imo

OP posts:
RagzReturnsRebooted · 16/10/2021 20:28

You've only slept together 3 times, I'd wait until you're both a bit more comfortable with each other's bodies (and in general) before you start asking for more/criticising. Not all guys feel confident giving oral and may feel a bit put on the spot. The same way you find it more difficult to do the same (I'm sure you'll find a technique to accommodate his size in time). I'd relax and let it come naturally. If it's still an issue months down the line, maybe bring it up then.

kittenkipping · 16/10/2021 20:28

Why without being like "why aren't you doing this?" You're fucking. So you should be confident enough to be upfront about fucking.

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/10/2021 20:32

I see what you mean @RagzReturnsRebooted. I would also not want to get far down the line to find out he doesn't do it which I would find off putting.

I've already considered stopping giving him oral until he reciprocates. Maybe not a great idea. I hope I find a better technique because I enjoy giving blowjobs & have always been good at it (from feedback! Smile). Might continue on without bringing it up for now.

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 16/10/2021 20:38

You're resentful that he's not given you oral (even though he technically has) only 3 shags in. I think you are either very nitpicky or he's just not the one for you!

tiredandmardy · 16/10/2021 20:40

@Maria53

RE 69 - it's not the same as the guy enthusiastically going down on you though is it?

I don't mind it in the heat of the moment. But it isn't the same as the guy going down on you where you can completely relax and enjoy. It seems like he doesn't like it or avoiding it imo

I really love giving oral to a woman, but that’s me.

How about when you are kissing him and lying on top of him - instead of letting him enter you then, just slide up his body so that you are sitting astride his face and your vagina is in exactly the right place. This is how an ex first got me started on giving her oral and it really worked… Wink

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/10/2021 20:43

@TheVolturi I can only orgasm sometimes from intercourse. He always orgasms from it.

A guy going down on me is one of the best and fastest ways to ensure I do too. Maybe I am being OTT early on. Willing to wait a bit.

But my experience shows that men who are into it give it to you from the word go. That said, I knew one guy who loved giving me oral who barely ever touched my breasts. The current guy is crazy about my boobs which I adore!

OP posts:
Bearnecessity · 16/10/2021 20:59

Stop obliging him with oral....you'll soon see a shift...

Bbub · 16/10/2021 21:00

As he has gone down even if not in the best way you like, it's clearly not because it's a total no go zone at least. I had one guy said he never tried it and never planned on doing it because the pee hole is there. So that was a non starter for me..

I'd just say to him "I'd love to come while you're going down on me" or "going down on me is the quickest way to get me off" then it's not complaining, it's just a way to open the conversation.

Bbub · 16/10/2021 21:01

He might not be that confident in it but try encouraging him. If he turns out to be a lazy shit then you can withhold your end..

BraveGoldie · 16/10/2021 21:10

Maybe say "by the way, I love it when a man goes down on me, if you are up for that"..... even "there are a couple of specific things I can show you that I adore and tend to make me cum".... if you think he's nervous he won't succeed.

Don't need to make it negative about 'why haven't you.... not fair'.... etc

MadameMonk · 16/10/2021 22:35

‘Waiting a few months to see if he goes there’ is ridiculous. Can’t believe it’s been suggested. Oral isn’t a ‘special treat at Christmas’ activity any more (if it ever was). Either it’s on the menu, or it’s not. If it’s not, I’m out.

Would guys ‘wait it out’ if the activity was the only reliable way to come? Nope. Of course it’s nice (and common) for it to be offered quickly and done well. When you find yourself in any other situation, it must be addressed. As with any deal-breaker. With a bit of luck, his last girlfriend wasn’t into it (I hear they exist) and he’s operating a bit out of habit?

If he says ‘it’s not really my thing’, I’d be out of there. And I’d let him know that it was likely to bring his sex life in a modern age to somewhat of a halt. It smacks of seriously deprioritising the woman’s pleasure, and that’s not a winning strategy!

Frankly I’d set it up so he really wanted a BJ, and moved towards that act. Then I’d shimmy up face to face, smile and say ‘Ladies first!’

honeylulu · 17/10/2021 00:38

Have you had an orgasm with him at all so far?

labazslovesliving · 17/10/2021 03:50

next time before you give a bj say well you know what I am going to do so how about giving me some oral sex or words to that effect afterwards? that way if he says no you can ask why but if you are lucky he will say fair enough

StarlightLady · 17/10/2021 07:06

OP, I certainly don’t think this is something that should wait. It’s too important. This is a conversation l have before someone crosses the bedroom threshold for the first time. I simply ask (and it is simple) what their attitude to oral is and on that basis l decide whether to go for next base. No oral, no entry!

I would heed the words of @MadameMonk although l don’t think it was ever a rare thing long term in history, l think the UK had a prude’s spell. There is lots of evidence in sculptures and carvings that it was a big thing in ancient Greece and ancient Rome.

As for his size, it’s not an endurance test or a competition, but a different approach is required; think ice lolly!

xpc316e · 17/10/2021 09:27

I think that you ought to be able to coach him in what you need him to do if you are to have a satisfying sexual experience with him. I do not think that it is in any way coercive for you to tell him about your desire for oral.

To me, it sounds rather like he has 'big cock syndrome': something inside him makes him think that the mere fact that he is well-endowed is going to send you into paroxysms of delight, and he therefore does not have to do anything else to satisfy you.

Coach him; see if things improve. If they don't, then part exchange him for someone with a smaller cock, smaller ego, and a bigger desire to please his partner.

brassmonkeywife · 17/10/2021 09:36

Oral on a woman is the most intimate sexual activity in my book, and he may well not feel he should rush in and risk rejection or embarrassment. Unless you make it clear to him that you are ready and willing, you might have to wait a long time! My current partner was slow to go down and when I gently asked why, he said “I don’t ask for dessert before I’ve enjoyed the starter and the main, and you might not have it on offer!!” He soon spent a lot of time down below ….

Namechangednorth · 17/10/2021 09:54

I agree it is pretty essential. However, perhaps talking about it might reveal the reason...ie one being is if you are hairy below he might not like it. I know I wouldn't fancy a mouthful of pubes but sucking a man doesn't result in that even if he is hairy unlike for women.

Frankly from my dating days, if a guy didn't get down there quickly enough, making sure I was bare below seemed to do the trick, whether for the visual effect or not I don't know

StarlightLady · 17/10/2021 10:36

Re: Starter, mains and deserts. It really is the starter and maybe the main too!

BigButtons · 17/10/2021 14:39

I love oral- my fella doesn’t- giving or receiving. It makes me sad but he has a right not to like it. Not all people like it.

Dancingontheceiling1 · 17/10/2021 16:15

My experience is that guys who don't like doing at least try the first few times to impress then stop. Not a good sign OP, I learned the hard way and would run a mile if you like oral.

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