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Original poster

Age guilt / dilemma

47 replies

RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 12:22

I am 46 and my DH is 55. We have lovely children and a comfortable lifestyle, boarding school, great house, both professional jobs. We have been married for 23 years now and a conventional sex life. Nothing amazing but caring and at weekends we will often have sex. I have found recently I am wanting sex however less and less with DH. I feel we are going through the motions and I am finding sex with him increasingly dull. My guilt is that I have no desire to try spicing things up as I am constantly thinking of a man 24 who has recently started working in my firm. I think of him every day. I want him. We have flirted and I am on the verge of making it clear I would have sex if asked. AGE GAP?? advice - is it odd/inappropriate age difference?

OP posts:
Bouldghirl · 13/10/2021 13:03

Please don’t go there. You have so much to lose for absolutely no gain. I’d start by talking to your husband. Be honest with him and tell him you would like a slightly more adventurous sex life. I suspect he will welcome the opportunity.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 13:18

I understand that but i think of this lad constantly. i really crave him. Theres something about him that is electric. So many boxes are ticked by him.

OP posts:
SueSaid · 13/10/2021 13:22

Oh op I'll say the same to you as I would to a 46yr old man flirting with a 24yr old. Grow up. Think of everything you have! If you're boring/bored in bed then it's up to find ways to shake it all up a bit.

I'm sure a 24yr old will be quite amused at a flirtation with a older married woman and yes would probably quite happily shag you, but then what? You would be competing for their attention with much younger women, it would be an unmitigated disaster. Maybe try swinging?!!

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 13:25

Hun. I am grown up. It is coz im grown up i can recognise i need more than DH can offer and recognize that the guy at work wants me even if superficially.

OP posts:
Exiledmancguy · 13/10/2021 13:32

Don't see an issue with age gap but whilst its perfectly normal and healthy to fantasise about someone else you could end up messing everything up and hurting your husband. Getting involved with a work colleague too could backfire.

Can you not use the sexual energy this younger colleague has unleashed to spice up your own sex life with husband?

Finally, there are a few topics on this and other forums on how to suggest and navigate open relationships which may be worth looking at if you want to explore this - would imagine open frank discussions and setting boundaries are important.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 13:39

great answer. I am not really wanting to spice up with DH. We work seven days a week and long hours and i am fine with just saturday night sex a couple of times each month with him.. Its about my needs outside of this and i plan on total discretion. DH is lovely but ever since marriage has lacked the spark i require sexually.

OP posts:
SueSaid · 13/10/2021 13:40

@RosieBenenden

Hun. I am grown up. It is coz im grown up i can recognise i need more than DH can offer and recognize that the guy at work wants me even if superficially.
Yes and maybe your dh will 'recognise' he needs someone 20 years younger too. Lovely.

The 24 yr old will find it all very hilarious I'm sure.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 13:46

The 24 year old will i am sure find a high-achieving, boarding school/cambridge woman more than acceptable. He wont cross into my private life/marriage - simply a mutual excitement. I see nothing wrong in that as long as understood beforehand. I have put my DH at the forefront of our marriage but i need and deserve my own needs to be 100% met without him needing to be involved in any way. I can already sense the guy wants this.

OP posts:
SueSaid · 13/10/2021 13:50

'would imagine open frank discussions and setting boundaries are important.'

Absolutely. I can see how many people enjoy open relationships, swinging seems very popular. The open frank discussions are surely imperative to allow him to have some fun with a 24 yr old too.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 13/10/2021 13:53

I am fine if he wants to have sex outside of marriage. I dont want to be involved but he is welcome. As i say - DH is a great guy but not what i seek in bed.

OP posts:
HoneyRose87 · 13/10/2021 15:10

Well you sound charming OP.
Maybe you have too much time on your hands….

BasicDad · 13/10/2021 16:22

You should have the discussion about an open marriage with your DH before betraying his trust.

Anaphylaxis · 13/10/2021 16:47

The 24 year old will i am sure find a high-achieving, boarding school/cambridge woman more than acceptable.

No offence OP but this is so hilarious that it made my day!!!

HoneyRose87 · 13/10/2021 17:36

@Anaphylaxis

The 24 year old will i am sure find a high-achieving, boarding school/cambridge woman more than acceptable.

No offence OP but this is so hilarious that it made my day!!!

👍🏻

Well done OP, it’s a shame they didn’t teach you morals.

brittleheadgirl · 13/10/2021 18:00

My adult ds (very good looking, extremely popular with women) thinks you sound awful.
HTH

SueSaid · 13/10/2021 18:20

@BasicDad

You should have the discussion about an open marriage with your DH before betraying his trust.
Oh no no, never mind discussing it like a grown up with the poor dh , It's the age gap of the poor new starter at work that she is perving over that she needs advice on Grin

'No offence OP but this is so hilarious that it made my day!!!'

Yes I too sniggered at the 'boarding/school cambridge woman' comment.

brittleheadgirl · 13/10/2021 18:33

@RosieBenenden
Just out of interest, would you be happy with your dh having sex with a 24 yr old colleague?
I'd bet good money that he's bored to tears of having sex with you as well!

Let him have a little bit of fun eh? Bet he'd love a bit of fun and excitement!

user911 · 13/10/2021 18:41

What did I just read ?

Catullus5 · 13/10/2021 19:46

How long have you been married for?

Catullus5 · 13/10/2021 19:47

Oh.. 23 years... ignore.

Otterhound · 13/10/2021 20:18

MN has a very useful search function…. and whilst dear old Rosie has been posting for years, there are, dare I say it, considerable inconsistency’s in her posts regarding all things sex

So I take her posts with large doses of salt…

cosmicbabe · 13/10/2021 20:27

Haha imagine this the other way round of the OP was a guy..... Popcorn at the ready

LadShropshire · 13/10/2021 20:29

@RosieBenenden

I am 46 and my DH is 55. We have lovely children and a comfortable lifestyle, boarding school, great house, both professional jobs. We have been married for 23 years now and a conventional sex life. Nothing amazing but caring and at weekends we will often have sex. I have found recently I am wanting sex however less and less with DH. I feel we are going through the motions and I am finding sex with him increasingly dull. My guilt is that I have no desire to try spicing things up as I am constantly thinking of a man 24 who has recently started working in my firm. I think of him every day. I want him. We have flirted and I am on the verge of making it clear I would have sex if asked. AGE GAP?? advice - is it odd/inappropriate age difference?
I maybe incorrect (but not sure how to search previous posts) but I’m sure you’ve waxed lyrical about coked up sex and threesomes with your ‘DH’ in the past.

What happened?

SueSaid · 13/10/2021 20:31

'MN has a very useful search function…. and whilst dear old Rosie has been posting for years, there are, dare I say it, considerable inconsistency’s in her posts regarding all things sex'

Yes I noted a thread from Sep where Rosie was correctly saying older folk shagging their much younger juniors was an abuse of power. I mean really, follow your own advice op! Grin

Motnight · 13/10/2021 22:08

I'm sure that Rosie also regaled us with tales of her new partner after a sexless marriage.

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