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Original poster

As bedsharers

44 replies

Dontknowowt · 11/05/2021 00:26

So my OH and I have an 11 month-old baby together. We bedshare with her and both in agreement that this is something we will continue to do. So no point on attempting to change our minds on this one!! She also contact naps.

Needless to say this has really impacted on our sex life and I think we're both struggling with this. I know I feel a disconnect for sure.

Any words of wisdom? And don't say don't bedshare!

Baby doesn't have her own room as I have two older sons (11 and 14).

OP posts:
Justa47 · 11/05/2021 03:24

@Dontknowowt

Fun in the shower?

Estherpologist · 11/05/2021 06:10
  1. Different times of day.
  2. Different rooms.
  3. Read all the posts about how sexless marriages are dysfunctional and think how many kids grow up well adjusted and good sleepers without co-sleeping. Being earth parents is great. Being divorced parents is not.
Original poster
Dontknowowt · 11/05/2021 07:37

@Estherpologist We both work ft and have teenagers in the house!!!! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontknowowt · 11/05/2021 07:38

@Estherpologist It's not for me, but many couples have sexless marriages for all sorts of different reasons. I don't think they would agree with you.

OP posts:
Sassy14 · 11/05/2021 08:50

@Estherpologist I think it's wrong to assume just because a couple doesn't have sex means they will be divorced. Confused could be many reasons a couple doesn't have sex.

NameChangeForThis2 · 11/05/2021 09:29

If you want her to continue to share your bed, then really what options do you have left? There is none, you’ll just have to forego sex until you’re ready to put her into a cot to sleep.

Estherpologist · 11/05/2021 09:30

A lack of sex won't cause divorce.
The "disconnect" mentioned quite possibly would.
If a lack of sex wasn't a problem, this thread would be pointless.
Sure there a plenty of couples who have great sexless marriages and that's great but this is not one of those at the moment. Both the OP and their OH are "struggling" without sex. If there is one thing (sex, money, lifestyle whatever) that undermines a couple's connection and it is not dealt with promptly, other cracks frequently appear.
I hope for the OP and their OH's sake I'm reading too much between the lines.

Fruititty · 11/05/2021 12:48

What about one of those cots that is an extension to the bed, or a really big bed? Get baby settled on one side and go to town on the other side.

Justcashnosweets · 11/05/2021 17:10

We still co sleep with DD, we have sex in the spare room, or wait til she is at school when we have a free morning! Could you not get your teenagera to watch the baby while you have a quickie in the bathroom? Grin

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 11/05/2021 18:42

@Justcashnosweets I think my teenager might clock on to that one!!! We both work ft so never at home when the kids are at school.

OP posts:
cannotfindanickname · 12/05/2021 15:48

Get the teenager to mind the baby and go to a hotel? Just a suggestion because it is the only one i could think of. Or perhaps your teenager could take the baby out.

cannotfindanickname · 12/05/2021 15:48

Get the teenager to mind the baby and go to a hotel? Just a suggestion because it is the only one i could think of. Or perhaps your teenager could take the baby out.

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 12/05/2021 18:14

@cannotfindanickname He's only just turned 14 so that isn't a option! And I don't think it fair on him to look after baby just so that my partner and I can have sex 😁

OP posts:
wejammin · 12/05/2021 19:38

We bed share, have done with all 3 DC, and it is tricky especially now that oldest DC is 9 and stays up later than I would prefer. I can't relax into it if I know the kids are awake.
At the moment we are very much taking advantage of working from home on some days and try and match up 'home days' at least once a fortnight to get a full lunchtime session in. Before lockdown we used to have to both book half days of annual leave every few months to have a full relaxed couple of hours, otherwise we were limited to a quick blowjob/handjob on the sofa if we were lucky and the kids were all asleep.

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 12/05/2021 19:59

@wejammin That would be a plan for us too, but I'm a teacher so working from home isn't possible!! Grin

OP posts:
wejammin · 12/05/2021 20:29

@Dontknowowt aahh, that's a shame. I suppose the kids are even there when you get your annual leave then?
Not sure what else to suggest to be honest! We bought a bigger house so our current bed sharer (age 2) starts the night in his own room and we at least get until midnight without him toddling in, but that might be quite an expensive solution to your problem.

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 12/05/2021 22:41

@wejammin The house we rent is a three-bed so no spare room and no money to rent bigger!!
Teacher holidays are of course all when the kids are on holiday too and (quite rightly) you are not entitled to take any time away during term-time.

OP posts:
wejammin · 12/05/2021 22:58

As if he's read this thread the 2 year old has just gone back to sleep in our bed after disturbing some particularly enjoyable intimacy. Thankfully tomorrow we are both off with no children...but clearly I am in no place to advise!

cannotfindanickname · 14/05/2021 12:12

I really sympathise, it sounds like you really have a problem without a solution at the moment. Although at some point the teenager will be old enough to mind the baby, that is obviously a year or two off. I have older teenage children (but no partner - so no sex here either!).

cannotfindanickname · 14/05/2021 12:14

I just realised you did say in original post that the oldest was 14. Apologies for not reading that properly.

Tootshoots · 14/05/2021 12:24

@NameChangeForThis2

If you want her to continue to share your bed, then really what options do you have left? There is none, you’ll just have to forego sex until you’re ready to put her into a cot to sleep.
This . If your adamant on her sleeping in your bed, then that's the price you pay.
DixonD · 14/05/2021 23:11

We were in your situation and actually still are, as I still co-sleep with our daughter.

We were lucky in that we have a spare room, where DH sleeps. So once daughter is asleep we go in there! It’s great fun and not sharing a bed has not impacted our relationship at all.

Estherpologist · 15/05/2021 08:14

@dixonD
Why not turn your spare room into a room for your daughter? Do you prefer sleeping with her than your DH? How does he feel?

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 15/05/2021 08:32

@Estherpologist Our personal situation is that we don't have a spare room. My OH, myself and our daughter bedshare together.
However, even if we had a spare room like @dixonD we would still make this choice!
The decision to bedshare was made both my by myself and my OH equally. We both support it for many, many reasons.
He also supports my decision to continue to breastfeed until our daughter self-weans. For my older two children this was at three years.

OP posts:
pitcherscat · 15/05/2021 23:05

We're in a similar situation, but mine are younger and neither can open the baby gate, I guess late night sofa sex wouldn't be an option for you in case your eldest wakes and ventures downstairs?

Perhaps you could wait until your youngest is fast asleep and then make a floor nest next to your bed and have sex down there. As long as your quiet there won't be any movement that could wake her?

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