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Original poster

As bedsharers

44 replies

Dontknowowt · 11/05/2021 00:26

So my OH and I have an 11 month-old baby together. We bedshare with her and both in agreement that this is something we will continue to do. So no point on attempting to change our minds on this one!! She also contact naps.

Needless to say this has really impacted on our sex life and I think we're both struggling with this. I know I feel a disconnect for sure.

Any words of wisdom? And don't say don't bedshare!

Baby doesn't have her own room as I have two older sons (11 and 14).

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontknowowt · 15/05/2021 23:08

@pitcherscat My eldest goes to bed later than us...and his bedroom is downstairs!!!!
We joke that at least he'll be off to uni in four years, bless him 😁

OP posts:
Piptastic · 16/05/2021 00:26

There have been some good suggestions here. OP are you and your DH prepared actually do anything proactive to help your reconnection? That's not meant to sound rude (honestly) but every suggestion here has been met with a can't do that for XYZ reason...

MrsHaughty · 16/05/2021 06:18

Your eldest children are only with you EOW so you have plenty of opportunity surely?

Estherpologist · 16/05/2021 07:48

@Piptastic

There have been some good suggestions here. OP are you and your DH prepared actually do anything proactive to help your reconnection? That's not meant to sound rude (honestly) but every suggestion here has been met with a can't do that for XYZ reason...
+1 Have you considered just having sex with your daughter in the bed next to you? If you're dedicated to co-sleeping and self weaning, you obviously favour nature's ways and want your kids to grow up untraumatised by the misconceptions society has forced parents to accept. What better example is there for your kids than to know that their parents love each other and have a healthy sex life? Anyway, as @Piptastic alludes to, you may be running out of other options.
Original poster
Dontknowowt · 16/05/2021 10:47

@Piptastic I know it looks that way, but we don't have a spare room so those suggestions don't work, we both work ft (I'm only off in school hols), and we also have much older kids too.
I honestly don't know the answer!

OP posts:
MrsHaughty · 16/05/2021 10:52

How about when your older children are with their Dad?

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 16/05/2021 11:01

Currently (until court signs off) it's 50/50.
So it makes it slightly easier but not much!!

OP posts:
lfYouSaySo · 16/05/2021 18:32

The floor?

isitsummertimeyet · 18/05/2021 23:07

Do they not ever stay over at the grandparents, sleepovers at friends houses?

Nevermind21 · 19/05/2021 06:25

The OP says they are with their Dad 50% of the time so I don't see what the problem is 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 19/05/2021 20:59

@Nevermind21 The baby mainly! Grin

OP posts:
isitsummertimeyet · 21/05/2021 00:32

[quote Dontknowowt]@Nevermind21 The baby mainly! Grin[/quote]
pretty certain babys sleep 'a lot during the day and the evening' had a couple and i certainly remember those 2 hour sleeps they have after a feed..

sounds to me like you find an excuse why you cant whatever is suggested

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 21/05/2021 07:48

@isitsummertimeyet My baby is one - she isn't a newborn so definitely doesn't nap in the day!!

Moreover, I work ft!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontknowowt · 21/05/2021 07:51

I'm not a SAHM and I cannot WFH. Surely that's not unusual? I don't know if it is on MN?

OP posts:
Nevermind21 · 21/05/2021 10:07

Hmm I wonder how people manage to have more than one child if it is not possible to have sex with a baby in the house.
I agree with previous posters that you don't actually want to solve it

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 21/05/2021 12:53

@Nevermind21 See title of post. Not just in the house but As Bedsharers!

OP posts:
Nevermind21 · 21/05/2021 13:21

But you've been given lots of suggestions in this thread and your excuse for them not working is because of the older children who aren't always there!

Original poster
Dontknowowt · 21/05/2021 15:14

Our main issue is the baby?

OP posts:
Constancevariable · 23/05/2021 13:48

Ex h and I co-slept too. It’s a commitment for sure and it was something I found to be really lovely.

You’re not meant to co-sleep after drinking (I’m not a big drinker by any means but I did enjoy the odd night off) so as a compromise we bought a drop sided co-sleeping cot. It was perfect, the DC was still next to us fast asleep and we could still enjoy alone time, or the odd drink. We just popped the cot side up for the night.

In terms of co-sleeping with a bedside cot the baby is still really close by. You only other alternative is buying an expensive pocket sprung bed in a 7’ size so the baby can’t feel you move! I do know people who do the massive mattress on the floor option which of course stops the baby/ toddler falling out of bed when they get more mobile.

Day to day my babies were in slings etc so really close to me...but I also love sex so I needed a compromise! I also know more than one couple who went through a really hard time relationship wise while, or even after co-sleeping for years.

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