Can't face having sex or dating again thanks to stretch marks

[Maria53]

I put on a significant amount of weight after a bad break up. I ended up with these horrible stretch marks covering half my stomach (biggest one is 7 inches) - this time last year, they were more red/purple but I feel my stomach is wrecked.

I'm in my late 20s and cant even say this was due to pregnancy because it wasnt. I've more or less got over knowing I might never feel as confident in bed again. I have lovely boobs and a nice bum but the stomach is crap.

I always had a lovely hourglass figure, always had a little extra on my stomach but not much. I've lost 4 pounds since I started healthy eating and cutting snacks 2 weeks ago.

But look.at.me. How will I ever be able to feel uninhibited in bed again? I'll be 30 soon and although i'd like to date again, I'm worried I'll be a major turn off to men. I hate the thought if being on top and them looking at my strech marks. Especially as I look decent on the outside.

I know I cant get rid of them. So what can I do to get over it? I feel mentally stuck.

Hi @Maria53. I think it can be really hard when we are insecure about something on our bodies, my tummy is horrible and wobbly and I hate it. Like you said when I have clothes on I don’t look so bad. I had my first sexual encounter with someone last year after being married for 23 years and I was terrified but we had massive sexual chemistry and all those fears went out the window it gave my confidence a massive boost. I really and truly believe that men just don’t think like us and won’t be worried about your stretch marks.
They will fade over time too. Have you tried some of the nice moisturisers like dove that have a bit of colour in them, just to make them less noticeable, I use it on my legs where I have a few purple veins I don’t like. I think you have a great figure btw.

Try to think about it this way - if you really fancied a guy and he had the exact same marks, would it make you not want to have sex with him? I bet the answer is no. You'd still want to have sex with him if you fancied him. That's the case the other way round too!

@Kat2000 do you mean a Dove tanning kind of moisturiser? It has been about a decade since I've used one. The smell really put me off. But I could try it to see if it helps. Thanks for your kind words as well. Maybe I will get lost in the moment but even the thought of the man taking a good look at me makes me cringe massively in a way it never used to

No @youvegottenminuteslynn - I last dated a guy who had bad acne scarring on his back. I didn't care.

I suppose I have been used to having a great figure and it still isnt bad but not like it was. It is quite hard to accept and get used to that. I've also carried a lot of guilt around for gaining the weight in the first place - i was cheated on and I simply ate too much. Had never eaten emotionally like that before over a break up or anything. I almost feel like I let him beat me by ruining my self esteem in more ways than one

I really wouldn't worry. I don't think many blokes would care at all and if you're are looking for a long term partner then surely you need a man who loves you just the way you are. If you do have kids you hardly want him to have a hang up about a few stretch marks.
Many men have body hang ups too, bellies, hairy backs etc.
If someone doesn't like you as as you are then fine, move on and find someone who does.
Have confidence in your lovely body and hunt out someone who fancies the pants off you, never mind the fickle fellas!

@Maria53 any man lucky enough to get you into bed would be delighted to do so. You have a great figure.

While they might not ever say so, most men will have insecurities of their own and would not want a woman to mention- balding, belly, height, teeth, having an old car!

@saleorbouy has put it very well.

As a man I can honestly say that you are not a turn off. Most women(and men) have them. Just get out there and enjoy yourself!

Most men really wouldn’t care if you were about to hop into bed with them, we would be too worried about our body insecurities

You have a gorgeous figure! Look at your waist! 😍

Really, don't give stretch marks a second thought. Soooo many people have them... men and women. If somebody likes you, they won't care. And if they do care, they're a dick who you don't want in your life.

If you want to try to reduce them, Bio Oil is meant to be very effective.

Good luck dating. Get out there and enjoy yourself!

I have a really loose tummy with stretch marks - thanks to two children and yo yo dieting. I split up with my husband of ten years back in November, I remember crying to my friend when I downloaded Tinder recently because I couldn't imagine ever getting physical with anyone else ..atleast my husband knew why my stomach was this way (and it was his kids that did most of it haha!). BUT let me tell you .... Men don't care!! Obviously some will, just as some prefer big boobs over small or whatever. I've slept with three people in the past two months..I've even warned them about my tummy and each one has told me to shut up, that they don't care, to embrace it, even moving my hand away during sex if I try and cover up. Dont let your insecurities tell you men won't want you. You're sexy....believe it whether you've got some stretch marks or to havent. Get some body butter on so you're nice and smooth and I promise they won't give a hoot xxx

From a male viewpoint it would not put me off at all.

Bloke here. That wouldn't put me off. You look like you've got a great figure from that photo, curves in the right places. Stretch marks are just part of the parcel.

You have a great figure! and I’m pretty sure the gaze of any man you’re on top of will be fixed on your boobs bouncing about like a pair of naughty Labrador puppies.

I think your lack of confidence is as much to do with being cheated on.

Clarins to a range of creams for stretch marks they are about £40 for 175ml so not cheap!

OP “I have lovely boobs and a nice bum”. That’s positive. You have mentioned 2 positives but one negative. Focus on the positives.

I’m early 40s. My boobs aren’t as pert as they were. I still go topless at the beach. They are me!

Stretch marks are part of living. Nobody cares how they got there.

And, sorry to say, your next bed mate may not be perfect either. Celebrate being you!

You are beautiful! No real man would be bothered about a few stretch marks.

I sympathise but I also think sometimes we have a tendency to make a huge deal out of things that actually aren’t that big a deal.

When I met DH I was self conscious because I was a little overweight and had a belly, it meant I really didn’t have much confidence sexually, I preferred the lights off etc.

Now, 3 kids later, I long for my old body and can see how utterly silly I was back then!
I weigh more than 5 stone now than I did back then and can see now that I actually had a perfectly acceptable body.

I have rambled on but what I mean to say is what we see as flaws often aren’t and in time we often look back on what we had and wish it back!
You have a beautiful figure in your photo, try not to be self conscious

@DiddlyWiddly I think it is hard to see your body change after years of seeing a reflection you are fairly comfortable with. A PP mentioned what it could be like if have kids and that is true - it will only get worse! My mother didnt get stretch marks - so much for genetics!

Thanks everyone for the uplifting words. It has helped some. I know I need to get over it but I think will be dreading my first sexual encounter since the marks. I think I will I it hard to project my old confidence but maybe the sexual chemistry in the moment will help. That and mood lighting....

@Wherearemymarbles I hadn't thought about that. The cheating did knock my confidence.

Don't dread....remember any man fortunate enough to get far enough to see is going to be very lucky. You are you. Sure my D P would say bits of me have changed or got a bit more wobbly! And I have several scars after nasty surgery a few years back....It's life...Bits of her have too...her boobs are different...but even more sexy IMO...and any man who makes negative comments about you...show him the door and politely tell him to jog on....

@Maria53 - I did reply with an image of faded stretch marks I had on my bum, which I got when I was a teen but I asked for the post to be deleted, as I was worried someone may identify me.
Myn used to be red/purple but have since faded to white and aren’t really recognisable now, yours will do the same.
Remember to love yourself for who you are (easier said than done, I know!)
You have a lovely figure.

I've said this before elsewhere, we'll eat a 3 day old pizza like it's the finest food on earth. Your body is nothing that other people need to worry about. People are always harder on themselves than others are, seems to be almost a way of preparing for rejection or hurt.
It's pretty uncommon to meet someone near 30 without a body that tells a story so don't believe social media

@ragnarson I think social media has a lot to answer for. I'm glad I didn't grow up with it.

I actually deleted the instagram app yesterday because i realised all these airbrushed ideals being shoved at me every day arent doing any good.

@NameChangeForThis2 I see, no problem. I did see the pic before deletion.

I have stretch marks like that from being an early teen - they had faded to silver on my hips and breasts by the time I became sexually active. The silvery marks I can 100% cope with. It is the ugly red and purple ones that are unsightly that is harder to accept. I need to work on accepting them.

Another man who thinks you have really nothing about. You look lovely. The stretch marks just show that you have lived a life, and I think lots of men would enjoy kissing them.

I think you are being very hard on yourself.

You have a beautiful figure with a tiny waist!

I had breast reduction surgery years ago which has resulted in a fair amount of scarring. Not one man has ever recoiled in horror! Most are just happy to get their hands on them!