How to get over the best sex of your life?!

[AmayaJ]

My relationship ended a couple of months ago and as if that wasn't enough to deal with, it was the best sex of my life! Now it's gone. Forever 😭
I'm 99.9% sure nobody else is ever going to be able to fuck me like that. What do I do? I feel I will forever compare all future sex and it's just not going to come close. I feel like if I get into another relationship I'm just not going to be satisfied in the sex department. It makes me so sad to think I will have to settle for 'ok' sex.
Yes I am horny, antsy and a little drunk right now and this is a bit tongue in cheek, I know there is more to a relationship than sex, but at the same time this is a very real and genuine concern of mine.....

@AmayaJ

Don't despair. I don't think you can't predict or say nobody else will be so good. Someone else might even be better. Don't have a relationship with someone mediocre. There are so many men out there. You just need to choose carefully.

@AmayaJ
"it was the best sex of my life" - up till now!... Who knows what's next - you might find someone better.

Man here @AmayaJ.

I felt like that after a particular relationship ended a few years ago. Sadly, since then I’ve not managed to find another one as good in the bedroom department.

I’m currently in need of a new relationship, and I also need to buy a new (second-hand) car. I’m not sure how well the analogy works, but as far as both women and cars are concerned I’ve done a lot of research on line and (within the restrictions of covid) have viewed some at a distance. Test driving has not been possible.

The thing is that in practice relationships are more than -as well as- sex and it takes time to assess the other person in and out of bed. Relationships and sex are a compromise, like cars -the Porsche might be an exciting ride but may not be parked in the driveway very long, the Ford might only give you a comfortable ride but will reliably get you where you want to go.

I need to think about this analogy some more before I ask if you’ve thought about going hybrid or fully electric.

Don't go down the rental route. They tend to smell of old cigarette smoke.

If I seriously found someone better I don't think I'd be able to handle it 🤣 And thank you for the car analogy - rentals are not for me for sure! Haha!

He'd slept with a lot of women so had a lot of experience. He had a good knowledge base and lots of tips and tricks! He was so selfless in bed. He massively got off on my pleasure so a lot of the time it was all about me! And maybe because he took care of my needs so well, he's the only guy I've ever been desperate to give a blow job to. Usually it would be a bit of a chore but with him I really wanted to do it and got off on it too.
He kept things exciting, always introducing new things to blow my mind. He's the only guy I've been with that could go again straight away. We sometimes had sex for hours- I swear he could literally go allll night- that was a whole new experience for me.
And when we were apart, omg- he had a way with words. He was the best at sexting. I don't know how it did it. It was always the right tone, never cringe or awkward. And not just sexting either, he was good with words in the bedroom too. A few little whispered words at the right moment would send me over the edge. He gave me an orgasm through my nipples, no cliterol stimulation. I did not even know that was a thing-but wow!
I found him really attractive. He was fucking hot, so that always helps! He was also very tactile. So a lot of holding hands, hugs, always wanting to be touching me in some way, however subtle, hand on my knee, arm around my waist. And I found that hot too.

I guess because he has taught me so much, I am more confident and know more about what I want/like, so I can take that with me into my next relationship. But.... 😭 it just won't be the same will it.

Anyway... probably overshared...

No wisdom to share @AmayaJ, just wanted to send a hug. Depending on how naturally adventurous you are, maybe you could have some fun doing market research to see how other guys compare, now you know so much more about what works for you. Best cure for a bloke is another bloke... I expect well balanced, sensible people have other approaches but I wouldn't know about those.

I offer myself as tribute lol.
Seriously though, was it the best sex purely because of him or was it what it brought out in yourself also ? If so you are already 50% of the way there

Hey OP. That's a lovely post. I think you're quite all right to feel like you do.

I wish people didn't minimise the upset that breaking up causes, like denying how good the sex was when they can't possibly know.

This man was highly sexually compatible with you and in my (limited) experience, that's not easy to find! But it's definitely not impossible either and that's what you should focus on once you're less upset. There're many "ideal" people out there for each of us, not just one precious single man. Keep looking!

Good luck with things

Thanks everyone

Yes @ragnarson you are right- I think sex will be so much better going forward now he has shared his knowledge and opened my eyes!!

But it was also a lot about him too. I can't imagine having that with anyone else. Even though I know its probably best we're not together, I miss him ☹ (For lots of reasons, including that delicious feeling/ache the next day after a good fuck! 😳 haha!)

Aah, I feel your pain. It's a big thing to lose.

And thanks for helping me not feel completely shallow about it too! Sex was such a massive part of our relationship so it has left a big hole. Not really sure friends would take it that seriously if I start whining over the loss of my sex life! When I was with my ex husband I would definitely never have thought someone could be so devastated about the sex!

My dh & I are totally incompatible in lots of ways but my god we are so compatible naked!!
He is literally the only man I want to have sex with, I barely notice other men and this is after many years together.
He adores me and is completely obsessed with making sex amazing for me every time.
If we ever get a child free weekend or even day, we'd still choose to spend it in bed
We always have to pretend we've had a nice day out or weekend away somewhere when people ask what we did with our free time.....
Don't give up op, I didn't meet dh until I was older and my god it was almost worth waiting for the chemistry we have.
Fingers crossed you'll find the same again.

OMG @Littlefluffyclouds13 Yes! This is exactly it! I feel lucky to have found it once in my life, I don't hold out much hope for a second time... but we will see... everything happens for a reason!

I absolutely get this OP. My FWB and I are coming to the end of our dalliance, which under normal circumstances wouldn’t bother me that much, but the chemistry and compatibility! Neither of us knew we would spark like that, we’d been friends for years and always had an attraction for each other but more an idle attraction or so .I thought.
But you can’t make up that kind of chemistry...that mind blowing chemistry where each time you see each other it gets better and better, just because you are both open and on the same page, both affectionate and caring, compassionate. Totally precious.
I’ve had plenty of LT satisfying relationships but this connection has blown me away, sexually speaking that is. It’s not just the mind blowing sex though. It’s the combo of his amazing consideration (If only most partners realised how important it is to give, rather than just take! So much more fulfilling for both) and then intuition, Wow! that has been insane and unexpected, to both be so intuitive sexually. And then weirdly, this deep emotional connection as well.
And then there’s the chemistry itself. Those pheromones match mine, pure and simple. I adore this man’s smell. It’s the most perfect mind blowing mixture, 2 parts hot sex turn me on anywhere smell, and 1 part comfort. Such a heady mixture. And I just find him really beautiful, inside and out. (I’m well aware of all his annoying characteristics too mind you!)
I’m so grumpy and devastated at the moment, because I’m pretty sure I won’t find this combo in another future partner. I have enough experience to know this is a rare find for me. Totally bummed that timing is so off in our lives, although we are also FWB for a reason (cos we’d probably kill each other in a normal relationship lol).
It’s just so damn hard to let go of such amazing sexual compatibility. And I’m well aware it’s not everything in life, but when those planets align, wow! So I’m really sad about it and I know he is too. I’m so grateful we got to know each other in that way, but man, it’s going to be so hard to give up! I never thought I would have to go through a grieving process but here I am. Grateful, grumpy, devastated and frustrated 😆

@Vegiepatch is there no way it could work as a relationship? You both sound very much like dh & I when we first met, totally incompatible eg massive age gap, totally different life plans and situations. I had kids, massive baggage he had none, literally the world was his oyster etc but we have made it work because we just couldn't walk away from the huge love & connection we have.
I totally get what you're saying about pheromones, smell etc I still find dh completely intoxicating after all these years and yes, yes why do so many men not realise how much fun it it is to make a women feel good? My god I had to wade through some selfish, crappy lovers to find dh!!!

@AmayaJ

OMG *@Littlefluffyclouds13* Yes! This is exactly it! I feel lucky to have found it once in my life, I don't hold out much hope for a second time... but we will see... everything happens for a reason!

Please don't give up! I really had given up when I met dh, I was divorced, very down about life and just coasting along. You never know what's around the corner

@Littlefluffyclouds13 no I can’t see us in a relationship now but maybe when he is older and a bit wiser. Such a waste! 😏😭

I remember having an 'out of this world' sexual experience with someone once, I thought after it that it would be a tall order for that to happen again. However, I was glad that I experienced such an amazing thing, even if just the once in lifetime opportunity, otherwise I never have known.
But as you will know, it takes more than sex to have a great relationship and other things are important too. My last fella was pretty good, and really, good sex is still a great thing in my book and it's pointless to chase something from the past. Good sex is not that hard to find, and if you are getting good sex, which you will one day, even if it doesn't quite match your last experience, you will find the memory will fade into the background - with maybe just a smile about it now & then to yourself.

I think the only thing you can do is take everything you have learned from this guy and keep it in your back pocket until you meet a new person, then bring your new skills out one at a time

I feel pretty sad reading this thread and remembering what I’m missing from my present relationship . Good sex 😭
My ex partner and I had an amazing sex life . If we didn’t have sex for a while I was climbing the walls , begging him for it but now I don’t think I would be bothered if myself and my now partner never had sex ever again . I’ve completely lost my sex drive coz sex is so shit :(
We’ve been together 3 years and I don’t think we’ve ever had sex more than once in a day ... my ex partner would be up for 2 /3 / 4 rounds . I remember that aching well like a pp mentioned . I miss having a sex life !!! 😭

Awww sending hugs @Blackcountrychik
Not filling me with hope for the future, this is exactly what I'm worried about!

I actually saw him the other night for the first time in months. First night out in 100 years, having a few drinks to try and forget about him and there he is, at the same fucking place as me! We kissed, (cos I'm weak and aparently have no self respect!) he said he misses me and then whispered a few tormenting things in my ear 😭 The smell of him, the taste of him, the way he had his fingers in my hair 😭 I wanted him so much. I hate that he has that hold over me- he knows exactly what he does to me. I could easily have got naked and fucked him right there in public had his mate not dragged him away.
Arghhhh- why is he such a tormenting, hot, sexy, mind fucking, prick. And why am I so weak and needy for him 😥

Total tmi... but even after doing it myself, I'm still not satisfied after. It's just not the same is it! I'm still left empty and wanting him.

In other news... I have started getting back into running again in the hope that it would help with my sexual frustration!

It hasn't 🤣

@AmayaJ Why can’t it work between you?

@Sacredspace
We were in a crazy cycle of hurting each other then making up, on repeat. When we argued things could get pretty heated. Then I would push him away after an argument when I knew that would make him mad but I needed space. He needed me close, he always wanted to resolve it and make up (have sex!) but I would shut him out. So things would escalate. We a bit on/off for a while but eventually he was the one to walk away for good.
I love him. The good times were honestly some of the best times of my life. I don't know why I behaved the way I did because I really hate drama and everything became a massive drama in our relationship. It was exhausting and emotionally draining. And as everyone always tells me- relationships shouldn't be that hard work.
😭

Oh my word. Never have I read a thread and nodded my head so many times.

Feel like I am grieving for the amazing sex. He taught me things and helped me explore my body. Only has to stroke my arm and I'm wet. Mind blowing orgasmic states for hours. Fuck I'm missing it. Can't tell you when it gets better...

I totally feel you OP. I had the best sex of my life way back in my late teens early 20s and have not had any better since I will be 50 soon. And I have had many partners since then but nothing has come close in comparison. I’m so sad because I now know that that was it for me and I just have to accept it.