How to stop using condoms

[superwoman232]

Want to go exclusive with someone. He does too. We met online. How do you stop using condoms? Do you get tested and show each other a clean bill of health? Do you just do it (ensuring you use other contraception of course) and hope they're clean? What's the "etiquette" (been out of the game for ten years).

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If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

I would both get tested...but that needs to go hand in hand with you trusting him completely

But yes I get it...me and DH hated using condoms and quickly moved to stop using them....nothing as nice as feeling him come in me and feel it there...so much more intimate I think.

Ask for a full STI check. But agree with @namechanged1010 - level of trust is also needed

Both tested. If you canr get an appointment there are some areas you can get home tests.

Yes always feels completely pointless to me with condoms. For all the most important reasons.

I suppose knowing something of both your recent sexual histories is also something I'd feel better knowing.

STI tests can be ordered on line in the UK very easily from several reputable suppliers to do at home....you pin prick a finger and fill a small vial with a couple of milliliters of blood and post it off in the package supplied. They then email/text the results in a week or so. Depending on what you ask them to test for the service is from around £40-£200+. Usually they test for chlamydia, gonnorhoea, syphilis, HIV and hepatitis B....Costs around £120....easy and confidential. Obviously if you get a positive result you must seek advice from your GP or sexual health practitioner. If all is good then bin the condoms providing you are in an exclusive and trusting relationship....and take other precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancy of course....

@Sparkybloke You don't have to pay for them. Free kits are available in most areas via NHS supported services. Plus there is always the Sexual Health Clinic option - I would think they are still operating . Just check your nearest large hospital.

Just one thing, herpes will only show up during an outbreak and some people never have an outbreak...we were both clear of everything then I had an outbreak. Partner was devastated to know they had given me it, more so that it will be here for the rest of my life. That said, condoms don't necessarily stop the transmission of it either.

@Damnloginpopup

Just one thing, herpes will only show up during an outbreak and some people never have an outbreak...we were both clear of everything then I had an outbreak. Partner was devastated to know they had given me it, more so that it will be here for the rest of my life. That said, condoms don't necessarily stop the transmission of it either.

Herpes isn't the big deal many people think ; most people who have herpes will never know, if they miss the initial outbreak. By age 25, about 6 out of 10 people in the UK carry Type 1 and 1 out of 10 carries Type 2. Although genital herpes is more likely to recur with type 2, it can be caused by either type. 2 out of 3 people who carry it don't know they have it. It's really just a cold sore. The Herpes Viruses Association site is worth a read. A friend works for them and it was really interesting to find out about. May be worth a look, @Damnloginpopup.

He had had an sti test shortly before we met, I hadn't slept with anyone recently and knew I was clean from a test months before so we decided to trust each other.

Oh believe me I read upon it! Unfortunately one of the triggers is being run down which is part and parcel of my job. I'd say I have an outbreak half a dozen times a year. And it is a very big deal for me i can assure you! Home bargains do a very effective cream which I always keep in stick for those first tingles though, that seems to be very good.

Have a conversation about testing before you stop using condoms.

You can get postal tests from most NHS Trusts now - they've been necessary during lockdown. Or look here..
sh24.org.uk/

Finger prick to get vial of blood (tip- have a shower first so you're warm and bleed better!) and a vaginal or penile swab. Chuck it in the post and get results by text. Easy.

@Damnloginpopup

Oh believe me I read upon it! Unfortunately one of the triggers is being run down which is part and parcel of my job. I'd say I have an outbreak half a dozen times a year. And it is a very big deal for me i can assure you! Home bargains do a very effective cream which I always keep in stick for those first tingles though, that seems to be very good.

Ah that's rough @Damnloginpopup, I'm sorry to hear that. I was thinking more in terms of it physically being the same condition as lip cold sores and yet attitudes can be so different. But regardless of attitude, it sucks when it's affecting your life that much.

As mentioned STI postal kits are available free of charge. Try doing a search for your local Sexual Health clinic online and there will probably be details on there.

Depending on when you both last had sex with someone else keep in mind that STIs have different window periods (the time between contracting an STI and it showing up on a test)

Just a note to the OP and also to @cookiecreampie - you might find this helpful in not referring to "clean" as regards STIs and it infers someone with one is dirty - personally I shower regularly . This will give you an idea... www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/std-awareness-stigma-and-sexually-transmitted-diseases

Oh it's only physically an issue for me, in that it's either painful or very irritating, and of course moving in in future to a new partner I need to consider this. I don't view an sti as 'worse' than any other infection you pick up and never have so it was very much a case of annoyance rather than anger. Could have been worse, it's not a killer.

Agree with others, STD test first and when you’re both clear you can stop using contraception.
Although contraception is generally very reliable, I fell pregnant with a coil and 7 months later, I had my baby girl

Sorry that should say you can stop using condoms

Thanks for raising this @superwoman232 I’m in a similar predicament and would be grateful for some advice too

My situ is both of us have only had two partners in last decade. Neither of us has had sex for a couple of years. I think I’m menopausal. On HRT and no periods other than very occasional small bleed. He’s always used condoms, I didn’t in my last relationship. I got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea after that last relationship and all clear. That last partner had been more sexually active and had an aversion to condoms hence me testing.

With new partner I don’t want to use condoms, he thinks we should though it’s early days and we’ve not fully discussed it in detail yet. I wouldn’t use any other form of contraception either. I’m early 50s. Am I being silly and irresponsible? And how much of a difference does it make to the man’s enjoyment?

@OutTheGame

Thanks for raising this *@superwoman232* I’m in a similar predicament and would be grateful for some advice too

My situ is both of us have only had two partners in last decade. Neither of us has had sex for a couple of years. I think I’m menopausal. On HRT and no periods other than very occasional small bleed. He’s always used condoms, I didn’t in my last relationship. I got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea after that last relationship and all clear. That last partner had been more sexually active and had an aversion to condoms hence me testing.

With new partner I don’t want to use condoms, he thinks we should though it’s early days and we’ve not fully discussed it in detail yet. I wouldn’t use any other form of contraception either. I’m early 50s. Am I being silly and irresponsible? And how much of a difference does it make to the man’s enjoyment?

@OutTheGame, best suggestion would be for you both to get tested for all STIs, especially before ditching the condoms. Menopause and thinner membranes in the vagina can make it easier to contract an STI if present and it's better to know, for reassurance as much as anything?

As mentioned above, it's easy enough to do via postal kits

Thanks @HIVpos for the suggestion. I will do that. I have a feeling he may prefer just to use condoms but will talk to him. Hadn’t thought about the thinner membranes part of it. It’s early stages for us, still talking about it rather than doing it! He isn’t yet aware of the menopause thing and may be thinking contraception is a factor too.