Help me have this conversation

[NameChangeAgainForThis]

Apologies if this is tmi but I need some advice - hopefully from some men as well.

I want to ask DH if he would use a penis extender - he is of average size but since having DC I just feel like I'd like a bit more inside me. I've had a look on love honey and there seem to be a few that have good ratings and I would like to get one to try.

What I don't want to do though is to in anyway make DH feel inadequate or not enough.

So, what I'm asking is if you have had that conversation with your DP or they have had it with you - how did it go? And if you have tried an extender what did you think, would you recommend one?

We do use sex toys and to me it would just be another one but I want to make sure he does too....

No advice, but in theory it should be, as you said, just another toy. Good luck!

Could you call it something other than a penis extender? Maybe start the conversation by talking about how you feel after having children, and say you've seen a few different toys which might help? And then describe the toy?

I'm just not sure the toy name really helps much in terms of potentially preserving his feelings, as it seems to imply insufficiency on his part... it would be less sensitive if you could keep that out of it maybe?!

Yes @isastillgame that is a great thought - and probably why I am finding it difficult to think of a way to talk to him about it - thank you!

The top and bottom of it is i'm afraid is that he's not big enough for you or you wouldn't be considering it.

You're not doing anything wrong at all and the reasons you've explained are perfectly understandable.

I think it might be better though to be straight forward and honest here - he's not stupid when all's said and done.

Having children has altered things slightly (you were perfectly satisfied prior) but now you're finding things a bit more difficult. This way, you are being honest but bringing the reasoning onto yourself rather than onto him. I don't think that trying to make out it's just another sex toy is going to wash with him at all. I don't know your relationship of course and he might agree if you make up reasons. The problem then, is that he will almost certainly know full well in his own mind that he is inadequate (he will be extremely unlikely to share that information with you though) and who knows how will affect him psychologically?

Being completely straight forward with the honest reasons is unlikely to affect him in a negative way. It's more likely to trigger the response of 'what can we do about it?' Then perhaps you could look through lovehoney for some toys together and 'stumble' upon the penis extenders that way?

Honestly I don't think there a way of putting this without offending him .

How would you feel if he said you have massive fanny

@rwalker

Honestly I don't think there a way of putting this without offending him .

How would you feel if he said you have massive fanny

I wish he would, and then I could say....."what about one of these?"

But in all seriousness, this is what worries me.

@rwalker

Honestly I don't think there a way of putting this without offending him .

How would you feel if he said you have massive fanny

I agree with this.

BUT, OP - if you 'wish he would' say this to you, then why don't you just say it? After having this child, I feel different inside. I used to love your xxx and it was perfect, but now do you think we could try this toy because I might like it?

Him: OMG you're saying my dick is now too small?!

OK, yeah - I think whatever you say, he's going to say/feel that. But just frame it that you have changed. Which is the case. And you just want to talk about an option for maybe fixing this.

TBH, you've given birth to your (joint) child. If he's a nice guy, and not worried generally about himself, then he should be able to empathise/sympathise a bit and say oh blimey, how awful for you - you've given birth to our beautiful baby and gone through all this all by yourself and now you feel different and can't enjoy sex the same way? I'm so sorry ... come here and let me give you a big kiss and multiple orgasms straight away, and then I'll pop out to get the cock extender. No problem. Hang on in there.

Or something along those lines .... : )

Order a box load of toys from LH and then slip this on the order. Discard the packing list on arrival and then pass the extender off as a freebie.... Maybe your surprise/intrigue could rub off onto him and you could broach him using it more easily? He wouldn't think then it was your idea.... win, win!

I have zero hang ups with this. My wife has given birth naturally to my two beautiful children and as such at certain times of the month her anatomy reacts well to a fuller member. Nothing wrong with that.

I also use it solo and have had some of the best orgasms due to the slight suction/vacuum it can create.

Order it. With some lube.

Get rid of the box.

Tell him it’s your new dildo. One to use together. It’s like a flesh light so wank him with it on. Squeeze all the air out with your hand and it’ll pull him in with the suction. Lots of lube on him and plenty inside all the way to the end.

Then if he’s anything like me, he’ll want to penetrate you with it on to see how you react to a larger penis.

You may be disappointed as to how effective they are.Sorry to be cautious. Not from personal experience just from reviews.

As a man I don't think that this is a conversation you can have without hurting his feelings. If he said that, post birth, you had a "bucket fanny" I imagine that would be hurtful.
Have you considered Kegel exercises to "tighten everything up". They may help you get the sex you want.
Good luck, I hope you find a way through this.

If he is genuinely of average size then why is the issue in your eyes one of not wanting to make him feel inadequate?
I think the best approach is, as other posters has suggested, to make the conversation about how childbirth has expanded you and how that can be addressed.
This is assuming he is genuinely of average size and wasn’t inadequate before your childbirth in which case it’s a trickier situation.

I have one of these from Love Honey in my naughty box. To be fair I've only ever met one lady who's enjoyed it. Most will try it but from their reaction they don't enjoy it.

It's a bit of fun. I've no hang ups about using it. Give people what they want form life is my motto.

I’m sorry to say that I find it almost unbelievable what you are thinking of saying to him. He may either not want have sex again or may be unable to because of a lack of erection

How would you feel if you were quite content but he complained of a lack of sensation?

Only my view but please tread carefully

As others say, tread carefully, but I think an honest discussion should be okay, something along the lines of ‘ can we try one of these sometime “

Apologies if I’m stating the obvious, but have you thought of strengthening up your pelvic floor? There’s an nhs app called Squeezy that is very helpful x

Some really good points to consider. I think that the pelvic floor exercises are probably a really good idea, and if I'm honest I can't believe that I hadn't thought of that myself.

So I think I will focus on tightening my pelvic floor and see what difference that makes, I can always come back to considering the extender if things don't improve for me.

I knew I would get some great and honest advice on here - thank you all so much!

Definitely do your pelvic floor exercises. This will help tighten your internal muscles but also stop you leaking urine when you cough, laugh or sneeze.
There are gadgets on Amazon which will help.

I've never given birth but I had quite the thing for fisting. What effect that has I don't know, I just mention it for background.
Anyway my DP bought (without telling me in advance) an enormous dildo. Huge. It's fantastic. My DP is on the smaller side of normal (but is amazing with it) and in no way feels inadequate. Maybe the key is 'trying something different ' and seeing where it Leads you?

The Perifit pelvic floor exerciser is brilliant. It Bluetooths to your phone & you play games on an app with it, eg squeeze to drive a racecar, fly a spaceship or a bird. I used to use an Elvie device which also worked via Bluetooth but this is much better. It's good fun and my pelvic floor is now in great shape. I've got a lot of kids and they were big babies... This is a result! It ended up costing £92 with a discount code. I've got a referral code which gives a friend 20% off and me USD 10 - pm me if you'd like it

@rwalker

Honestly I don't think there a way of putting this without offending him .

How would you feel if he said you have massive fanny

🤭 😂🙊 everything does stretch out after childbirth so perhaps it's not his manhood? Just adding another perspective. DH about average but I notice a difference with sex before and after DC🤷 not enough to cause an issue, it's just, well, different.

Try pelvic floor exercises. I can’t see asking him to wear a cock extender is going to go down well 😬

So...a hollow strap-on has become a regular part of our sessions. It was me who suggested it, she'd never made any noises of complaint but did sometimes comment about how big an actor was while watching porn. I'm just about average.

Me suggesting it and using it has led to some incredibly open and intimate conversations which have made us even closer.

And since then, she now orgasms through penetration, something she'd never done with me.

Best thing I've ever bought.

Maybe you could try 'accidently' slipping a finger inside too when he is inside, for that fuller feeling, I bet he will try if you do!

@saleorbouy

Order a box load of toys from LH and then slip this on the order. Discard the packing list on arrival and then pass the extender off as a freebie.... Maybe your surprise/intrigue could rub off onto him and you could broach him using it more easily? He wouldn't think then it was your idea.... win, win!

Great idea.