Is it just me?

[theheartofthematter]

This is just some musings I have had and so I apologise if it is a bit rambling. I was watching an episode of The Affair this week. I have always liked the programme and one of the things I like/appreciate is the fact the sex scenes are more real, it's not all soft lighting and soft music, it's raw and real. But it got me thinking. Most of the scenes it is straight into PIV with no foreplay at all and this episode the male character commented that the female hadn't orgasmed and moved his hand to 'sort her out' after, she said it was ok and not to bother. Is this how sex is in most relationships? I haven't had many partners but my current partner would never move onto PIV until I have orgasmed through foreplay. He never has. Is this unusual, am I just lucky or is the sex on TV, even the more realistic looking, very far from real?

I also find it very odd how in many many televised sex scenes , foreplay is missed out and they go straight into pIV. I don't think this is representative of real life as I'd like to think most men know that women need warming up ( whether they know how to , is another discussion ). For me , pIV is as important as foreplay as that's how I like to orgasm but they both go hand in hand . I've had two partners . One partner would tease and spend a long time on foreplay which would mean I would be very ready for PIV and orgasm quickly through it . The second partner wasn't as skilled abs as dedicated to foreplay . . However , my personal chemistry with him and my attraction to him was far far greater and our intensely loving relationship meant a lot of foreplay wasn't always necessary as even merely kissing got me massively prepared . He was also more adventurous so into toys , playful but rough , more dirty talk . Sex is complex and different things can work well depending on the Chemistry between you .

So in a nutshell - I had prolonged foreplay with one partner . Shorter foreplay but more experimenting / playfulness and attraction to the second partner and I have to say I enjoy sex with the second partner more because it is emotionally satisfying more than anything else , due to the emotional connection we have .

I think sex on tv is even less realistic than porn

And neither is something I can relate to in real life. But then maybe I’m just a crap shag!

I try and make sure DW orgasms before PIV starts, but tbh she says she's happy either way.

Not quite sure what to make of that.

Not seen the program. In fact don't watch much TV....But love making with my partner. We have learned as time has gone by but it involves lots of foreplay and mutual touching. Does she orgasm every time before we finally move to PIV...honestly no....But she does most times...quite often more than once -or certainly seems to and is not someone who would fake it I don't think. She is utterly gorgeous but takes a while to become fully aroused so going straight to PIV just would not happen....and there have been rare times when after PIV she has obviously wanted to orgasm so has asked For my assistance...which I'm happy to provide.
For me, getting her off is almost the best part....sensing her as she lets go completely. She can orgasm during PIV but I would say probably only maybe a fifth of the time....hey even i don't always...I'm 56....and sometimes her oral techniques mean I come that way anyway so we don't even try PIV
So that's a male perspective based on real life if that helps....and it sounds different to the sex described in the program.....

In my experience most men want to get straight to sex

As someone who has been criticised by others on here, for saying that l won’t have sex with someone who will not go down on me, depictions such as the one described trouble me. This is one thing that people (wrongly) learn from.

Foreplay (not the ideal word for it) and sex are so often incorrectly seperated in language too, which does not help. Foreplay is as much sex as penetration.

In films/TV, I suspect it is done, at least in part, for speed. Foreplay can also appear more graphic on screen than the simulation of penetration.

By contrast “serious” (ie: not porn) show things very differently, particularly if there is a female director involved.

It’s also age / experience related, as a teen / younger man, it was all about the sex but age and experience taught me otherwise and the female cums 1st, the PIV sex was always better,.

Sometimes I was I could go back and tell that to my younger self.

In films/TV, I suspect it is done, at least in part, for speed. Foreplay can also appear more graphic on screen than the simulation of penetration.

I think this is a good point.

I also think that a lot women don’t press the point about their own orgasm because we’ve been socialised to think that the man’s pleasure is more important. When I was younger, I know I’ve said ‘that’s ok’ when my partner offered to sort me out after PIV because even though I would have liked an orgasm, I was worried it might take too long/wouldn’t happen/he’d get bored etc.

Fortunately, now I’m older and wiser this is no longer my experience!

In my dating days it would, quite often, be a matter of moving quickly to PIV and I rarely had the chance to orgasm through foreplay. But the circumstances weren't always the best for leisurely lovemaking - shared student flats etc. But a guy ejaculating in me (even if in a condom) has always been a frequent trigger for my orgasm, so I can't complain too much! In my present relationship I get the best of both worlds - quite often an orgasm during foreplay and again after he cums in me

well..I find it difficult to enjoy PIV after I've orgasmed ,much prefer to orgasm after my partner .

Sure it's not "just me" but so far seems to be a minority approach in this thread.

We climax together 95% of the time. If my wife climaxed regularly before piv I’d be concerned she’d be laying back and thinking of England. Having said that, variety is a good thing.

@peridito Why don't you enjoy PIV after you've already had an orgasm? find I relax a bit if I've orgasmed during foreplay and then it just builds up again when he's in me. But cumming just after he's ejaculated is definitely the best. We're TTC at the moment so it feels super exciting. X

@Longsight2019 no lying back thinking of England here. Lots of women don't orgasm through PIV alone so if that happens too it's a happy bonus. I'm glad though that I was right and the sex that I thought was more realistic is in fact not! I do think it is portrayed well and is more 'real' than a lot I have seen but really isn't my experience

I usually orgamsm through piv so on nights when we're both tired and want to get down to it, we'll just kiss and touch for a short time then go straight for it. Sometimes he will spend more time doing foreplay if we're not tired ( 4 young kids) but I feel lucky that I orgasm easily through piv as I know lots of women don't and it's only with my DH that I am able to.

@peridito - I often feel the same. When someone is good at penetration - ie not just pounding away for their own pleasure, but willing to change it up and take their time, it is one of my favourite parts and I love being fucked. But I find if I have come first, my arousal can die off quite quickly. Generally, I prefer to come during penetration - using a hand or a vibe - or for my partner to bring me to orgasm after. And sometimes I’m happy to just not come - I don’t orgasm that easily sometimes, and I can generally tell if it’s not gonna happen.

Though, the feeling of being fucked just after you come is amazing too - I just can’t handle penetration for a long time after that, so the guy needs to be pretty close to the brink.

I can't imagine I'd enjoy orgasming before piv; after I orgasm my whole area is throbbing and overly sensitive , almost too painful to handle further touch or stimulation . It's like I shut down. Am usually trembling and shaking all over and switch off . If I orgasm mid pIV that's ok as we're already at it but I don't think I can handle initial penetration closely after orgasming .

wishfuldreamer and Mydarkside yes ,you've both described how I feel !
Glad it's not just me .Though I'm sure it's fine if I were !

@wishfuldreamer I agree that there's guys who just seem to use your vagina to get off themselves and there are those who really want you to get the best out of the fuck as well. When I've been with a guy like that who's caring and takes his time the feeling when he finally enters me has just been amazing and, yes, I can enjoy without cumming myself as well.

Where do you find such men @Annwen? 🤣

@BlackSabbath I have found a few here in Wales

Yup @peridito - i think this is the thing we often forget. there are as many different ways of enjoying sex as there are people. What works for one person, will not work for another. i think having multiple partners at once really drove that home for me - i enjoy different things with different partners, and they are definitely very different from each other. all those articles in women's mags - '10 things to drive him wild' etc - they are good ideas, but definitely not guarantees. one of my partners hates oral sex, for example. he's too sensitive, and it just doesn't feel good for him. we've tried a few different things, but he would just prefer not to. some women hate penetration, some love it. some hate oral, some love it, but everyone likes it a different way.

That said, back to the original scenario of the OP - I'm not sure I know too many people who want to/can go straight to PIV without any kind of other action first. and whoever said up thread that we shouldn't call it 'foreplay' - because it's all sex, and all play - I agree. I don't think to think of sex as just PIV, or orgasm. It's the whole thing.

@Annwen - missed your post, sorry. yes, exactly! god, I love that feeling of just being really desperate for them. feels so good when it finally happens. this thread is making me a bit horny, oops!

@wishfuldreamer Takes me back to my teenage days. I'd really fancied this guy for ages and then I finally got to be with him at a friend's party. Her parents were away, so we were able to find a room. and he was just amazing - did everything so lovingly and spent what seemed like ages on the foreplay. But by the end I just pleaded 'Please, I just want you in me!' and I was literally shaking as I helped him roll his condom on. We went out for a while over the summer vac. Unforgettable!

Sometimes we do foreplay but more often than not, we go straight to PIV

What is foreplay? Frankly i think youre very lucky!