Is it just me?

[theheartofthematter]

This is just some musings I have had and so I apologise if it is a bit rambling. I was watching an episode of The Affair this week. I have always liked the programme and one of the things I like/appreciate is the fact the sex scenes are more real, it's not all soft lighting and soft music, it's raw and real. But it got me thinking. Most of the scenes it is straight into PIV with no foreplay at all and this episode the male character commented that the female hadn't orgasmed and moved his hand to 'sort her out' after, she said it was ok and not to bother. Is this how sex is in most relationships? I haven't had many partners but my current partner would never move onto PIV until I have orgasmed through foreplay. He never has. Is this unusual, am I just lucky or is the sex on TV, even the more realistic looking, very far from real?

@Blokenamechangesexboard

I try and make sure DW orgasms before PIV starts, but tbh she says she's happy either way.

Not quite sure what to make of that.

I don't totally like the idea that I have to be 'satisfied' before PIV. I know - I understand. If he's worrying about me, then he can't just do what feels natural to him.

Personally I am happy if sometimes he just goes for it : ) Without worrying!

@Parkerwhereareyou Yes, I let him go straight in if that's what he wants. Usually in the morning when there's often less time to be leisurely. And I get wet very quickly as well so there are no issues with that side of things.

[quote Annwen]@Parkerwhereareyou Yes, I let him go straight in if that's what he wants. Usually in the morning when there's often less time to be leisurely. And I get wet very quickly as well so there are no issues with that side of things.[/quote]
Ditto. It's a pretty nice way to be woken up 🤗

I would rather have sex than the foreplay so the quicker we get down to it the better for me.

I've only watched the first series but I think 'The Affair' is mainly a study of his desire. His mistake. I don't think he's portrayed in a particularly sympathetic way (I personally disliked him and wouldn't have touched him with a barge pole - far preferred the husband!)

It's a creative construct. Someone presented it that way for a reason.

I think the idea was that his desire was such that he 'just had to have her'. She was somehow subordinate to his desire and they both knew this wasn't totally healthy but what the heck. It was almost self-harm for her as far as I could see (well maybe because I didn't like him!).

So: a non-caring, purely sexual connection results in the man 'taking' the woman and her pleasure deriving from 'satisfying' him. Her pleasure is not important, and she even says this.

A caring relationship is less sexual.

It's a fucked up way of seeing things. That's why I didn't like the actual affair. Truly addictive sex involves equals, or, at least, a deal with equal respect for both sides.

Answer: no, in a nice sexual relationship, men don't usually just blunder in there - they want their partner to feel max pleasure too.