Why doesn't he want sex !!

[lollipoprainbow]

I have spent the night with someone three times now and he never wants sex just happy for me to give him a hand job while he fingers me !! I'm wondering if he has ED as I have to get him hard it doesn't seem to happen spontaneously, although he woke up yesterday morning ready for action and still didn't initiate sex just guided my hand over ! He talks about doing it but it never happens!

Well, he's a bit of a lazy bugger isn't he?!

I think there is something very wrong here... Is he married, have you both been STD tested ?

Very strange

He's definitely not married not sure about the std thing

Yeah, that’s a bit odd OP. I don’t think he’s a keeper.

Do you think it could be ED ? !

Have you discussed contraception and std’s?

If not I wouldn’t be risking anything either.

Maybe he enjoys that more than PIV?

OP,
If he gets hard enough for you to give him a hand job, then he's hard enough for PIV.

Has he ever asked for / suggested oral, or is it always, er, manual?

Just thinking out loud here - could he be gay?

@AverageGuy the thought had crossed my mind when I first met him I thought he was but he has had numerous relationships with women including 2 long term ones so I don't know.

@AverageGuy no he's never asked for a blow job and I wouldn't be happy with that level of intimacy at the moment anyway he's very happy with my hand tells me I'm the best at it he's ever had. Praise indeed !

@lollipoprainbow
IMHO, I'd say PIV is a LOT more intimate than oral, but that's just my 2p's worth...

Do you know if he had PIV with these other women? Maybe he's just saying so..

You don't say how old he is, so ED could be a possibility - don't discount it.

Maybe next time tell him outright that you want PIV, and see how he reacts? I certainly wouldn't refuse, unless as a pp has suggested, I had an STD, or I was gay / unsure sexually.

I was wondering about contraception; maybe he isn’t comfortable with condoms and perhaps isn’t at the stage of wanting to get tested/commit.

I’m the same regarding oral.. I find it way more intimate than sex so can understand that.

If there are mutual climaxes, maybe see where it goes for a little while.

How old is he? I’m not an expert on ED but I’d suspect that if he did suffer, a hand job wouldn’t be successful either? It could be he’s body/self conscious and isn’t comfortable yet given you’ve only slept together 3 times - it’s not just women who suffer with body image.

@AverageGuy he's 55, I assume he has PIV with this women but maybe he didn't! He had a fling before we met so I wonder if he is worried about an STD.

@Kinkybutkind he's 55 and drinks a lot, smokes and has a heart condition which he is on medication for. He is quite insecure so that could be it. I did make reference to doing the deed on the night and he said yes in the morning. Lo and behold that didn't happen !!

@lollipoprainbow ~ definitely sounds like a little bit of insecurity, is he waiting for you to take the lead perhaps? I guess your best option is talking but you said he does talk about doing it... why did you think he was gay originally?

@Kinkybutkind just the way he came across when I first met him.

If he’s getting erections and ejaculations then it’s not ED. He may have problems maintaining erections, or with premature ejaculations with PIV, or a previous bad experience has given him some kind of aversion. But, like everyone else, I’m speculating - it sounds like he’s happy to talk about sex so hopefully he will get the courage to explain soon.

My exh was like this..he is gay

@joystir59 really ?! Oh but I dressed up in sexy stockings and he loved it ! He's also had long term girlfriends and has a son.

@lollipoprainbow
But did you dtd when you dressed up? I suspect not. Just fyi, there are quite a few men that like dressing similarly themselves (no, not me!)... Keep an eye on your stockings & suspenders.. Just saying!

I'm afraid to say that none of the "evidence" means he is heterosexual. It's quite possible he is gay, or at least bi.

I'm a single guy, of a similar age, and if I was in a relationship with someone that (obviously!) wanted a sexual relationship, a team of wild horses wouldn't stop me dtd, so I'd say there is definitely something going on.

You really need to talk to him about it.

Maybe start out with "You know when I dressed up for you", and lead him gently down the path.

@AverageGuy we were both very drunk! He spent a weekend with a girl before we met and said they only managed it once ! Puzzling that's for sure.

@lollipoprainbow
He says once in a weekend? - well that seems to gel with what you are experiencing.

Ask yourself where you see this relationship going. Do you like him enough to not worry too much about the lack of PIV / DTD, or is that a deal breaker?

If you think it's worth progressing, then you need to discuss this with him. Tell him what you want!

If not, then maybe it's time to move on. There are plenty of single men like me out there able to perform

@AverageGuy yes she seems to have had the same issue at least I know it's not me! I was only looking for a bit of fun to be honest, we met when I wasn't even looking for anyone and he charmed me and pursued me so the whole thing confuses me somewhat. I have a ASD daughter so can't commit to anything serious or long term anyway so it doesn't really matter I guess ! I might take you up on your kind offer by the way

he's 55 and drinks a lot, smokes and has a heart condition which he is on medication for.

He might find missionary too exhausting to reach orgasm especially if his arms are out of shape as well. Perhaps try you on top as then he won’t have to exert any effort?