Do we just get sluttier as we get older?

[notevenat20]

(Please excuse the title if it offends anyone. It's just meant to be fun.)

Let me explain.

When I was a teenager it was all kissing, fingering (usually v. bad) and giving blow jobs. The first and third I enjoyed. Once I had given a few blow jobs, I couldn't see a reason not to give a blow job to any new boyfriend, so that is what I did.

Later I started having sex and that was good too. After a few years, if I was kissing a new man and fancied him, I couldn't see any reason not to have sex with him straight away especially if we were in a relationship but not exclusively. So that is what I did.

Later on I had a boyfriend who said he didn't want a blow job unless I swallowed. So I decided to give it a go and now that is what I always do (it's better than I feared). So whenever I give a blow job, I always swallow, unless he really wants to cum on my body for some reason.

Later on, I had anal sex with a new man and, after a number of not-much-fun-attempts I got really good at it. Now I have done this a lot I can't really see a reason not to have anal sex straight away with any new man who wants to if I start a new relationship. So that is what I do.

And so on...

So if I start a new relationship, from day one I am happy to do any of the above and maybe a little more. If I think of what I would have said about such a woman when I was 20, I think I would have called her a slut. I imagine if I dated a young man, he might be quite shocked too.

Do we all just get sluttier as we get older? Or do some women reset when they start every relationship and start again from the kissing stage?

I should add that I have no complaints about anything I have done. I am very comfortable with saying no. I had one boyfriend who really wanted me to wax (intimately). I tried it once and hated it and will never do that again.

@SenselessUbiquity apologies for tagging you in a thread a month after you commented on it, but your post has really stayed with me and I was hoping I could ask about your ‘year of sex’.

I feel I have some things to explore and I feel quite held back by both knowing how to pursue something like this and a fear of (and this sounds daft for an adult!) people finding out. I’m also worried that I’m not physically what people are after.

What did you write on tinder to find people? Did you try sex clubs too? I look at killing kittens but fear I’m not cool or hot enough.

I have a bit of a prim face! And I’m someone people seem to pigeon hole as sensible and competent so I’m not one of life’s gorgeous extroverts who everyone flirts with (though I do seem to be catnip to a certain kind of under confident man - not what I’m looking for!)

I’m not slutty I’m experienced! I was an absolute animal when younger, enjoy sex more now.

More experienced I think. I transitioned 5 years ago so it was like learning all over again tbh definitely now I'm more comfortable and adventurous which might border on slut behaviour!

Loved reading your post Senseless because I had a similar year though sadly not quite the same ending... however I look back to my previous sex life and it seems to have been a different person. I learned something I think from every person I met that year.

@ChchchchchangesAreComing You really don't have to be cool or model material to join Kittens! Yes there are lots of pretty young things on there but there's an equal number of women in their 40s rocking their experience and knowledge!
My profile sets out my sexual likes and interests and what I'm looking for. Although I do scroll through and "like" people's profiles, I spend more time on the group chats getting to know people as part of a community first. There's a wealth of "slutty" knowledge to be shared and people range from fairly "vanilla" folk looking to explore their sexuality to more hardcore kinksters.
If you want to check it out drop me a DM and I'll hold your hand!

@PinotPony that’s really kind, thank you. I find that quite reassuring and I kinda assume that people on those chats etc are more sexually intelligent and would be ok with someone feeling their way. I feel a bit daft to not really be able to explain my sexuality, likes and dislikes at 36, but I figure better late than never!

The new experiences you describe all seem to be things that your boyfriends wanted you to do, for their pleasure, and which you ' can't think of a reason not to do' and is ' better than you feared.'

I have had the opposite experience. In my 40's I had a relationship with a guy who completely changed my idea about what sex could be like. The connection, the looking, the eroticism, the slowing down, the touching and stroking. It was amazing. I now want to go deeper into this type of sex and have found a new partner who wants to explore this with me too. I recommend looking up Layla Martin, OMG yes and I've also started reading Barbara Carrellas.

Your post seemed that your sexual experiences are very much being shaped by the type of porn that is out there now, your description makes you sound like the passive partner, whose agency is limited to either accepting or rejecting what men want you to do for their pleasure. Your post made me wonder where your pleasure was in all this. What do yo want?

Your post seemed that your sexual experiences are very much being shaped by the type of porn that is out there now, your description makes you sound like the passive partner, whose agency is limited to either accepting or rejecting what men want you to do for their pleasure. Your post made me wonder where your pleasure was in all this. What do yo want?

The influence of porn has been indirectly through the men we all date. That is just a modern fact.

But apart from that I think you are right. I have never have had a burning desire to push sexual boundaries. That is not to say I don't enjoy it when a man does have this desire but it is led by him. I think I would have been quite content with a man who just wanted vanilla sex (+ oral for us both), that is definitely true.

I have had the opposite experience. In my 40's I had a relationship with a guy who completely changed my idea about what sex could be like.

Isn't this basically the same thing? You meet a guy, he introduces to new sexual things, you then do those new things with other guys in the future.

Isn't this basically the same thing? You meet a guy, he introduces to new sexual things, you then do those new things with other guys in the future

I see what you are saying here, but I don't think it is because I think what I was trying to communicate was the difference in the type of sexual experience. This guy showed me real mutual, respectful, slow, erotic sex based on both our pleasure. I guess one of the things he showed me is what it is like if MY pleasure is centred too. He didn't just want to do things which he was copying from (misogynistic) porn which centred his pleasure from my body.

I really would recommend looking up the things I mentioned. I think we are sold the lie that 'hot sex' is porn influenced sex, 'dirty' sex, kink sex, whatever. But really, oh my god, there is so much more to sex than that which is much more pleasurable, especially for women. I struggled to find a word for the sex with the previous guy, and then I realised that the word was 'beautiful.' There is so much more to sex than ' I couldn't think of a reason not to. At the very least I think looking up the resources I mentioned to see if it is your thing or not, is worth the time it would take you to do it.

The influence of porn has been indirectly through the men we all date. That is just a modern fact
Perhaps a bit less so at my age. I am also absolutely clear with new men that I will not do any of the acts which have been popularised by modern porn. I want to weed out the porn saturated guys. The sex would be too crap, and I wouldn't trust their attitude to me.

The experiences I am after are the absolute antithesis of a sex-life mediated through modern pornography.

For me it wasn’t age but down to my partner. I was very inexperienced with my ex, sex was good but it wasn’t exactly exciting anywhere else. Not much foreplay, dress up, sexy talk, dirty messages etc. However when I met my DH he opened a whole new me up, it was exciting and more. I can only hope we get older and dirtier.

I'm 50 and definitely has less inhibitions and more willing to try different things.

I am!

For me it was meeting the right person, in this case a FWB I found via a kink site. Prior to that sex was pretty vanilla and while not bad there was definitely something missing for me. I had a lot of unfulfilled, quite 'dirty' fantasies that I was to afraid to discuss with previous partners so it was refreshing to meet someone who was on the same page and who I could trust.

I don't like the word 'slut' to 'slutty' as a description of what the OP describes. More adventurous I would say, and no surprise with more body confidence/contentment.

Slut to me is a pejorative term.

I think instead of becoming 'sluttier' as I've got older I've just become more adverturous and comfortable trying new things. When I was young I would have died at the though of anal, swallowing etc... But I have grown to experiment with these things and have realised I actually enjoy them.
I have been with my Oh for 21yrs so if we weren't together and I was dating or something, I don't think I'd be adventurous and would probably be quite shy about the things I'd do with a new partner... Hoping I never have to experience that though.

Yes def more adventurous here and up for more experimenting. Also less body conscious and more pleasure driven.

I hate my body and am not confident at all, but I have a wonderful husband who is somehow still attracted to me which helps!

Sex is very normal and not being slut. I think the same is for men as well when I was in my 20s I never go down on girl but now in my 40s I love going down on woman making feel good.