Bloke name change does have a point. It's better to distill this situation into the actual choices. This probably also involves going through the process of accepting the futility of his option 3, Lamenting that there isn't another choice/that things are like this.
From a female perspective, I don't like the pressure to orgasm. And I would really be put off by some elaborate and earnest trying for 40 minutes. I also find it hard to understand, as judicious technique would usually result in a much swifter conclusion.
Which is why my advice would be:
Consider 2. Take action - but in a more exhaustive way than just cancelling the relationship due to sexual incompatibility.
And if you find no acceptable way to improve things, then revert to 1. Just get on with it.
On the exploration of 2., I will say again:
I think this has a strong chance of being psychological on her part.
Woman are notoriously affected by their feelings. And why is it that I could catch a glimpse of one lurid sexual depiction and be clamping my legs together in horror and feeling almost inverted with revulsion (or just bored and not interested at all), whereas another depiction, that hits the spot for my imagination, would have quite the opposite effect on me?
You have to work with her mind on this. If she doesn't want sex or orgasms then she is probably in one of the following stares of mind:
Previous trauma / forcing and has closed down in self-protection
Can't cope with the pressure from you
Has really gone off you (sorry but needs to be considered)
Is angry with you?
Is scared or blocked for some other reason (maybe to do with childbirth)
Just depressed, despairing, bad self image, hopeless
It comes back to what I said before. She isn't happy, in those bogginses. Find out why. At least try, if you love her properly.