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Out of control

19 replies

Hormonesat40 · 06/02/2020 09:37

Hi all

Namechanged for this.

Ok, recently turned 40, married for 10 years, 3 primary aged kids.

I've been on sertraline (100mg) for 2 years and have a history of anxiety/depression, with 3 cases of PND after each child, which I was also prescribed citalopram for. I guess you could say the last decade has been a little mental hormone wise with pregnancies/births/breastfeeding etc.

Before I married I had a pretty high sex drive. Sex was what cemented my relationship with my now husband. He was the first person I had both that sexual connection and emotional pull to...as well as humour etc. We still have that sexual spark and he still turns me on.

However. Obviously sex and urges have waned at times over the years as work/kids/life takes over. I've especially felt numb on the sertraline and felt I had to make an effort sexually at times.

The past few months I've slowly come off the ADs. I am over the moon but shocked at the side effects. My temper is lost a bit more, I'm more emotional I'd say and well, am obsessed with sexual thoughts.

My husband is delighted but I'm a bit all over the place. I'm a 40 year old mum, not a student who can have sex whenever she wants.

The most worrying thing is I've been thinking about men from the past, and fantasising about threesomesBlush.

Almost 3 years ago, I had a connection with someone through work. I was surprised as I've never even looked at anyone else. It was disconcerting and I distanced myself. I've seen him a few times since and the tension is still there. It's worried me so I have held back from being too chatty etc. I've probably come across as a bit haughty...but the reality is when he's there I get a bit lightheaded. It's a physical reaction. When he kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye once I forgot to breathe. Again- wtf. I'm past all this surely?

Nothing has ever happened with this man, although I can't deny I've thought about him. I don't see him at all, though he is in the public eye and I do think about him again when I see him.

It just feels incredibly disloyal. Add to that a school dad recently has been in my head when I'm having sex, and an old flame liked a pic of me and some old mates on instagram, and I began thinking about him...

I hate it. I'm going as far as to suggest an open relationship for the next couple of years so I can get it out my system. Have sex with the work guy and put it to bed..excuse the pun. I'd never cheat. Either that or go back on the ads, or something to control hormones. Is this normal? Does it pass? It's driving me fucking mad.

OP posts:
PantsToThis · 06/02/2020 09:52

I really wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like coming off the ADs has had a big impact on your sex drive. It could also be the peri menopausal sex surge. It's a real thing, google it! There is a thread on the menopause on MN (hopefully someone more savvy than me can link to it). It's totally normal and something A LOT of women experience. Just go with the flow and enjoy it! I'm 45 and it's actually pretty great once you get used to it!
I wouldn't be in a rush to ask for an open relationship unless you're absolutely sure it's what you want. It's perfectly normal to fantasise about other people, particularly during this kind of sex surge. Please just read some stuff and reassure yourself you're not alone! It might be a great opportunity to get closer to your partner, share some sexual fantasies and so on.
Good luck, don't worry and enjoy it while it lasts, if you can.

PantsToThis · 06/02/2020 09:52

The thread is in the "Menopause" topic I mean

Hormonesat40 · 06/02/2020 12:03

Thanks for your reply 😘

It really is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I will check out the thread, thank you.

Do more people have affairs etc. during this phase? Because I honestly feel sorry for people whose lives that are ruined by betrayal etc. But it is like I am on drugs. For the first time I would understand the reasoning behind someone having an affair if they felt like this. And I say that as someone who has never cheated, but has been cheated on when I was younger.

I don't particularly think I want an open relationship. Nor do I want to leave my husband for anyone else. But I do want to go to bed with this guy.... Im sure he could make me faint on command like some dodgy heroine in a bad romance novel, based on the one brief physical incident of contact... a bloody peck on the cheek.

I hadn't thought of him for ages until the ads stopped.

Hanging in there hoping for this wanton lust to vacate my groin!

OP posts:
Hormonesat40 · 06/02/2020 12:05

Would also (really) welcome more reassuring stories of women who have surfed this wave and are on calmer waters!

OP posts:
PantsToThis · 06/02/2020 13:43

Find the thread! Loads of experiences and reassurance on there! I wish I could find it and link but I'm on my phone. It certainly sounds like "the surge". If you can manage it within your relationship then that's probably the least disruptive Grin but please be reassured you certainly aren't alone.

Hormonesat40 · 06/02/2020 14:06

Off to find it now. Already feel reassured tbh. Really thought I was going insane...

OP posts:
Hormonesat40 · 06/02/2020 16:05

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/menopause/3129245-Perimenopause-and-Sex-Surge

Feel a LOT better. I wish this was talked about more..

OP posts:
PantsToThis · 06/02/2020 16:49

So glad you've found it! Makes sense now?

Lordfrontpaw · 06/02/2020 20:22

I have never heard of this! 😈

Guiltypleasures001 · 06/02/2020 22:11

Hi op

I've always had a huge sex drive , but a few years ago it went it to overdrive
I was rampant, like off the scale lunatic. I actually went down the doctors because I don't want to appear crude, but I was literally throbbing downstairs all the time.m

The GP bless him didnt know what to say or do, honestly? I sat there staring at him wondering how he's stack up in the trouser dept Blush

It did last a couple of months then settled down, thank feck
You are not alone

Summerhillsquare · 07/02/2020 08:09

It's a useful thread, thank you for the link. But not much info about how, if and when this feeling goes away!

Lordfrontpaw · 07/02/2020 19:25

Just asking for a friend... where could an older lady buy some fetching undercrackers and wincyette nightgowns. Talking comfort and quality here...

These new fangled garments make you look like porridge in a string bag, not to mention the cheese wire knickers.

Marshmello · 08/02/2020 20:22

This is just being 40. It gets even crazier. So hold on.

StrawberryTot · 08/02/2020 23:26

I have been prescribed sertraline in the past and in the nicest way possible fuck me it was a rollercoaster! I really didn’t take to it and less so when coming off. I was all over the place.

I’ve not used it in over 2 years, I still suffer from anxiety and to be honest I struggle with my hormones. For me when they (hormones) take over it’s as if I’m sat in the back seat watching, if that makes sense?

Sadly I’m still in and out the doctors trying to find something that balances me out, but nothing yet. I’ve not lost hope though, I know I’ll get there.

As for your sexual thoughts, they are thoughts, don’t feel guilty.

Viviene · 12/02/2020 20:16

I'm 39 and exactly the same!! Either it is a perimenopause or all the hormones from losing weight... Ugh, it's horrible especially as I don't have anyone to have sex with.

Hormonesat40 · 08/03/2020 18:18

Hi again

Ok, looking at last posts it's clear it's this time of month when the surge starts.

Trouble is I am on dangerous ground. School dad is getting divorced and I had a drink with him at a school social thing last week. There is chemistry there and I can't stop thinking about him.

I think I am going to broach an open relationship with my husband because the thoughts are dominating constantly and I feel like I'm going mad. At least if I get it out my system one week a month...?

Has anyone ever done this? I couldn't have an affair. I cherish the honesty and frankness we have in our marriage.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 08/03/2020 21:37

I think I am going to broach an open relationship with my husband because the thoughts are dominating constantly and I feel like I'm going mad. At least if I get it out my system one week a month...?

If Lady Gawain suggested this, (which she won't), the only open thing would be the door for one of us to leave!

PhilCornwall1 · 09/03/2020 04:21

@SirGawain completely agree. If Mrs PC suggested this (I know she wouldn't and would be shocked if she did), I would be gone without any questions asked, never to return.

otterhound · 11/03/2020 13:33

Hormones- dont.

How would he feel - at the very least that he is not man enough for you. You might do irreparable damage.
Also what happens when your libido is gone - the genie will be out of the bottle!

Secondly even if he does agree it will be significantly easier for you shag someone than your husband.
On most hook up sites men out number women 50-1 or worse
Plenty of posts on other forums where this dynamic causes problems, ie you’re getting it , he isnt. To be honest You'd be better off swinging.

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