How did you learn how to have sex?

[itsswelltime]

This is really embarrassing but I have been with my fiance for 7/8 years. He was my first boyfriend and so I didn't come to him experienced. We have children and live together. Great life. But I don't know how to have sex without just taking it.
I'm sorry this is too much info for sure but I feel really bad. He will do all the work and I just lay there, basically.

I have tried to 'take control' but I can't go as fast as he can and he usually just starts doing it himself after a bit. I want to be a generous lover but I don't know how to.

Is it normal for the woman to be slow and steady? Or do I need to work harder? I don't have anyone to ask in real life.

Sometimes he will refuse sex because he is too tired to do all the work again. I have said I will try but I feel clumsy and like I can't satisfy him when he just grabs me and and starts going faster. He had a few relationships before me so I'm thinking it's partly down to experience and it's not really something I can practice alone. Oh I'm so embarrassed but google comes up with seedy sites, probably all written by men.

A couple of years ago I somehow realised I'd been doing 'woman on top' position 'wrong' or making it harder than it needed to be for 20 years.

Instead of going deliberately up and down, it's perfectly acceptable to go kind of backwards and forwards, which is much less knackering. Maybe you've been trying to do the bouncing up and down thing? Change to backwards and forwards and you can keep at it. I still find it hard to get into and keep a rhythm on top. IMO we can try our best but it's like everything in life- there's no point beating ourselves up if we're trying our best.

You can also practice- get a dildo with a sucker on one end and stick it to the floor (doable with a carpet-free area) and practice going on it. You might want a pillow under your knees, so it takes a bit of arranging, but can be done. You don't really need this practice though- backwards and forwards is the trick.

You can also lean backwards and rest on your hands behind you, or forwards and hold your partner''s hands etc.

It's also perfectly acceptable for the bloke to have to/want to do a bit of thrusting.

But as you can say, you can also do some sort of cardio workout- probably especially horse riding if you can find somewhere!

Ask your partner to have some patience while you're experimenting with trying these things.

Whichever way it goes, if he continues telling you off for not doing something that you can't do, that's unreasonable and tough shit- you cn only try your best and no point him having a go at you if it's still not to his liking.

That reddit thread 😅😅😅