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Original poster

Being shared

42 replies

RosieBenenden · 09/12/2019 10:36

DH is 56 and I am 44 and been together since 1999. We have sex usually twice each week and talk openly about things with each other. DH has for a couple of years wanted to watch another man making love to me and he has shown me films on porn sites on the subject. His fantasy is simply to be in the same room while I have sex with someone else and him to watch but NOT participate. I am considering agreeing to do this over Christmas and wondered if any others have had either negative or positive experiences? Advice welcome.

OP posts:
MilliiMoo · 09/12/2019 14:03

You can't go back to the innocence that your marriage is now once you have crossed that line. I think in fantasy is good but to actually physically watch my spouse making love with another would be disturbing in many ways. I know they would not want to see me with another either.

xpc316e · 09/12/2019 15:23

I was recruited by an older friend to have sex with his younger wife in his presence. This was about 17 years ago and the situation lasted for about a year, until I moved away from the area. Had I still lived there, it would have continued for much longer as it was enjoyable for all concerned.

There were times when the husband would join in with us to make a threesome, occasions when he would watch and verbally encourage us, and sometimes he would leave the room and let us have some privacy.

He had been sharing his wife for years and there was no element of jealousy in their marriage. I have dropped in unannounced to visit when in the area on a few occasions since the wife-share finished and have always been warmly welcomed. I do think that it takes a special kind of person to be able to share his wife, but if you are both happy to try the arrangement and are confident about the strength of your relationship, then why not give it a go.

When this arrangement ended I did have a one-off gang bang experience with a wife and husband who enjoyed sharing her. In order that they remained anonymous he had a friend make all the arrangements for the meetings which were then held at the friend's house. Nobody was ever invited twice and the couple never became aware of anybody's contact details. The husband, though happy to share his wife sexually, wanted to prevent any possibility of an emotional attachment. Again, this was a situation that had taken place regularly and was one that the couple were very happy with.

rwalker · 09/12/2019 19:49

I think you would be best trying a swingers club you can go and explore not do anything but if you do go through with this there is anonymity .

Justaordinarybloke · 09/12/2019 20:02

Fantasy and actually doing it are two separate feelings. Me personally I wouldn't dream of another man near partner, I think once you cross that boundary things will be different, he'll either resent you for going along with it (especially if the other guy performs better which will destroy your husband's own performance) or he'll want it more often.

Stuckinarut81 · 09/12/2019 20:54

Me and my partner have done this many times and it’s great fun! He’s not interested in having sex with anyone else and just likes to watch me. If you have any specific questions ask away.

Zzzz19 · 10/12/2019 08:10

Cuckolding is certainly a common sexual fantasy for men. Most keep it fantasy but I do know someone who has done this regularly and they all seem to be fine with it.

The key thing is is it what you want too or are you just going along with it?

Namechanged1010 · 10/12/2019 08:21

@RosieBenenden

I think it is something you need to think carefully about as once done you can't go back. It may be his real fantasy but will it be once he has watched, and if you are relaxed had pleasure from it.

My husband has a similar fantasy. He only developed/admitted it when he found out that in a previous relationship I had a foursome. Nothing sleazy, just with ex bf on holiday with another couple sharing a villa. Too much wine one lunch and game playing resulted in a fairly wild afternoon together. Looking back I don't regret doing and my bf was by my side whilst the other guy had me as well as his gf helping out, and yes it was very exciting and made me orgasm loads.

DH loves being in bed and us imagining it happening with him being there and seeing it. Loves describing what he is seeing to me and what the other guy would do. I must admit I find it exciting in bed but I'm really not sure about taking the leap and fulfilling his fantasy so probably having the thoughts Im recommending you do and think about.

And not being married last time did make it all easier...younger and wilder lol

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 10/12/2019 12:25

I am genuinely interested in the idea and know it is a big step. It wouldn't ever involve another woman as I have zero lesbian feelings of any kind. It is over 20 years since i shagged anyone except DH but I am leaning towards agreeing to try this as long as in safe and relaxed environment.

OP posts:
Namechanged1010 · 10/12/2019 12:49

@RosieBenenden

Well if you are genuinely interested, maybe you should reflect how you may feel afterwards. 20 years is a long time and you may feel some bad emotions having another man. Likewise, explore with your DH how he really thinks he will feel in reality the moment another man goes inside his wife.

In the end, if you have both thought it through, reassured each other then try it out. Don't go for anyone you know well...suggest you find someone for it but get to know them a little first and don't compromise in what you want

In the end, I can't deny that my experience was incredibly exciting and intense and I do feel good when I recall the day.

Best of luck and let us know/DM how you got on

xpc316e · 10/12/2019 15:49

The OP is obviously carefully weighing the idea of being shared, otherwise she'd never have posted here asking for personal experiences. She and her husband are mature enough to have thought through the possible drawbacks to such a situation and to have reflected on whether they would cope with the possible emotions arising from such an encounter.

Some posters do mention that once she has been shared, there is no going back. I do not think that this is really the case: if outcomes have been intelligently explored and discussed beforehand and the end result is not what was hoped for then one can simply say that the adventure did not work out as planned and that it ought not to be repeated. The OP seems to have the emotional maturity to do that.

Many people find great difficulty in being able to consider that other relationships are different to theirs and that the persons in those relationships will have emotions totally unlike theirs. Vanilla is not the only flavour of ice cream.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 10/12/2019 15:59

Appreciate all these posts - all so kindly meant and helpful. We have discussed for weeks now. My DH and i are totally in love and have lovely family. I share his curiosity. Our ideal would be a guy mid 50s who is not a close friend but a mature kind man who we could trust. DH would watch him making love to me and were hoping that if everyone reflected afterwards and found it positive maybe we could repeat it. Our children are all at boarding school so we can be discrete in our home. I guess Im 80% in favour of having sex with another man as long as DH always in the room and supporting me afterwards

OP posts:
Namechanged1010 · 10/12/2019 17:33

@RosieBenenden

You do sound like you have thought it out so all the best. I hope you have a really exciting and intense experience with it. Come back and let us know how it was for you all

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 10/12/2019 18:07

thank you. i will

OP posts:
workfup · 10/12/2019 18:57

I'd be interested in this - but I wouldn't do it at home - hotel all the way!

wherearemymarbles · 10/12/2019 21:53

Rosie rosie rosie
Such a fantastist

MilliiMoo · 11/12/2019 01:31

Wheresmymarbles ???

noego · 13/12/2019 08:44

Chatting to a GF about this last night. She'd like to be shared, but it has to be a specific scenario and as a one off with clean and tested for STI's men.
IT seems it's a fantasy that needs to be fulfilled and is on her list of must do's

Ringdonna · 14/12/2019 09:04

We have had open marriage for over 20 years done many a 3some together and apart. We also swing.

ArabellaJane · 01/01/2020 23:25

My FWB likes this sharing idea but he would probably join in too. His view is he likes other men wanting me/having me but he gets to go home with me. Why not try swingers places as a starting point. I'd say you need to be very clear on your relationship boundaries. My FWB has done many a threesome, orgies and I know he wouldn't feel jealous in that situation.

KissNum99 · 02/01/2020 00:19

It is something that should be discussed thoroughly but it’s not something that should be done in your maritial home in my opinion.
I had a threesome when I was 18 with an ex and his friend, it happened after a drunken night out but it did however ruin our relationship, after his friend admitted he had feelings for me and shortly after we all went our separate ways.

BethPorter · 27/01/2020 03:01

I think you should at least explore the idea. It seems that you are both on the same page. Both being in the same room sounds important to you both, so stick to that.

Original poster
RosieBenenden · 27/01/2020 13:34

We have gone for it and i enjoyed the experience - same room and DH watched throughout and we are discussing a second try.

OP posts:
Namechanged1010 · 27/01/2020 15:44

Congrats. I'm glad it worked well

How did you find/decide on the other guy?How were the nerves? Did you use a hotel?

Sorry for being nosey lol

Cantbelieveit101 · 28/01/2020 06:28

Excellent!!!
So glad it went well for you.

Loveablers · 28/01/2020 15:59

Let’s be honest though this other guy wasn’t making love to you he was shagging you. Don’t dress it up as something it isn’t. There’s nothing romantic about it. There was no making love.

Glad it went well for you but just call it what it was - cheap sex not making love

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