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Original poster

Foreskin help

32 replies

foreskinforearmed · 25/08/2019 19:42

Potential new partner recently told me he has an issue with his foreskin - it's very sensitive and doesn't pull back without significant pain or discomfort and he's telling me in case it led to sex. He said he's not sure he's able to have sex with it (never tried!) but it doesn't matter as we can do other stuff.

I don't know what to think as this isn't something I've ever heard of before! Obviously don't want him hurting himself but sex is a pretty big deal to me and it sounds like he's ruling it out? Has anyone experienced this? Are there ways around it? He's not slept with anyone before so has no experience of it in action but says masturbation can be uncomfortable. I'm not sure what to do!

OP posts:
SpringtimeSun · 25/08/2019 19:47

It sounds really painful if it's enough to have prevented him having sex, I'd be asking if he'd ever been to the doctor about it and if not if be encouraging him to do so.

noego · 25/08/2019 20:35

He needs circumcising. Simples

lovesmarties · 25/08/2019 20:37

Phimosis?
www.nhs.uk/conditions/phimosis/

GrannyHaddock · 25/08/2019 20:46

It it painful for him when he has an erection? Would a condom cover the tip of his penis and prevent the foreskin being pulled back?

Hopoindown31 · 25/08/2019 20:55

He needs to see the go to discuss treatment or management options.

Joey7t8 · 25/08/2019 21:29

He needs to get circumcised. I imagine no prospect of penetrative sex would be a deal breaker for any any potential partner.

NameChangedToAnswer · 25/08/2019 23:16

I suffer from a similar problem.
I've got a tight foreskin which doesn't usually retract and when it does its pretty painfull. I still manage to have enjoyable penetrative sex though (without pain). Lots of lubrication helps as do condoms. However I've never found masturbation painfully so it may be his problem is more severe than mine.
It's probably something I should have sorted out when I was younger, but now in my 50's I've just got used to it, but if Id had to my time again I would have sorted it out. Your partner should see his GP to see what the treatment options are, it might not require full circumcision.

MisterT373 · 26/08/2019 01:25

Could be balanitis.

Blackwaterboy66 · 26/08/2019 08:44

I've got the same problem now and waiting to go to hospital with it .I have creams to try and help but the problem is when fully erect it gets very tight around my helmet and restricts it getting bigger .I've not had sex yet due to losing my wife but it only started after and thought it started due to lack of use .

Original poster
foreskinforearmed · 26/08/2019 09:08

Thanks so much everyone for your replies
He said he doesn't need to see a doctor which is crazy!
I'm worried it'll be painful for him and frustrating for me and just not sure how to proceed to be honest. I'm quite a sexual person and don't want to be shallow but it's a bit of deal breaker for me if we could never have penetrative sex.
He said we could 'try' sex but he's not sure so it's very confusing

OP posts:
Blackwaterboy66 · 26/08/2019 09:45

If he has a rash under the foreskin that needs to be checked out as can be cansurious.

Namechanged1010 · 26/08/2019 10:23

@foreskinforearmed . How old is he? He clearly understands he has a significant problem in that he has not been able to have full sex before and has mentioned it to you already.

Personally unless you have a lot invested in him I suggest you pull back as he needs medical help. As @noego has said, he probably needs a circumcision. If it is a tight foreskin, depending on how bad they might try stretching it but the best solution seems to be circumcision. If he goes down that route he would be better finding a Dr that regularly does them rather than occasionally!

Oh...what I would say is that if he does have it done and you progress to sex, then once he has recovered enjoy it. Circumcised is not only really nice to look at, but play with and feel inside so there may be an upside to it!! My DH is cut and I really like it

SpringtimeSun · 26/08/2019 18:42

foreskinforearmed if he really can't see that a doctor could help here then I'd be walking away.
Like you I need PIV sex in a relationship, can you imagine never getting that again?

Even if you do try, neither of you will be able to relax and enjoy it. Your first few months with someone new, you want to be at it like rabbits and swinging from the lights.

I'd really encourage him to look at the doctors again. If he doesn't 'need' it then the gp will soon tell him. But I doubt that'll be the case

Arnoldthecat · 27/08/2019 22:07

He needs to see a doctor. Apart from the pain and discomfort there is a real danger it could tear,also the issue of him not being able to clean under/behind it.

Namechanged1010 · 28/08/2019 09:19

@foreskinforearmed

I suggest you just stay friends then and leave him to his sex free life if he won't get help.

Original poster
foreskinforearmed · 28/08/2019 09:50

I've been trying to convince him to go to the gp but he's adamant he doesn't need to. I've also suggested we stay friends and he's pretty annoyed saying I'm shallow and he didn't think I'd be like this. Oh well, never mind!

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 28/08/2019 11:04

@foreskinforearmed He seems deluded to some extent. Why throw his medical problems to you, wanting to have a relationship when he probably can't give you a fulfilling full sexual relationship.

Why won't he see his GP. If there isn't a problem then he will be reassured but as he told you...he does have a problem.

The reality is circumcision is a potential solution so if he decides to go he can research it before and different options.

I wouldn't waste any more time with him tbh

Clappingforjoy · 28/08/2019 16:00

My ex had this problem and condoms where our best friend

labazsisgoingmad · 28/08/2019 16:24

my partner gets this its part of his diabetes he needs to see his GP

harjulhar · 29/08/2019 10:37

I had to be circumcised when I was 55, due to lichen sclerosis, it was the best thing I ever did, no more pain and a great deal more pleasure.

j712adrian · 29/08/2019 20:43

Mine didn't go back until I was 25, and then it did fine. A lubricant might help.

Namechanged1010 · 30/08/2019 10:11

@harjulhar My DH was circumcised by choice as an adult as well and is really pleased with the result. Not to say me lol

I think the OP is wasting her time as he seems in denial he has a problem

Sparkybloke · 30/08/2019 12:12

I would agree with others....something he needs to sort. I was circumcised as a child and no complaintsSmile. It is important that he be referred to a specialist...there was an awful story on the beeb site recently about a man in his twenties with what was a similar issue. He was operated on (in Canada I think). Catastrophic damage was caused and he took his own life a year later due to excruciating pain. Just maybe the OP's partner saw the story and has been put off....no surgery is entirely without risk.

joystir59 · 30/08/2019 20:15

Well done for dealing with this and not just lingering on with him when he doesn't see a problem.and isn't prepared to seek help.

Original poster
foreskinforearmed · 31/08/2019 00:13

I really like him and the messages have been really positive and he seems keen to try other things but it's so irritating.
He said he doesn't think there's a medical issue just that he's sensitive but he's never had sex, very rarely masturbates and says that it really hurts if he's not using a lot of lube. I don't want to feel like anything I do might hurt him. Also a lot of pressure on me being his first! I've tried to step back a bit but he's trying to convince me to meet up and see how it goes so who knows

OP posts:
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