Orgasm time

[PuffPuffSea]

Reading another post has got me thinking that maybe I'm not alone. How long does it take you to orgasm? Do you orgasm from sex alone?

It takes me nearly an hour from my partner going down on me and it's sometimes gotten so bad I've told him we should just call it a night before getting there... The trouble is I'm lying there and my bloody head thinks about everything APART from sexy stuff. I'll add that he's actually good and is the only partner I've had who has taken the trouble to find out what I actually enjoy in bed, so it's not a case of me not getting there because he is rubbish.

Maybe move this over to the sex thread? I'm sure you'll get plenty of response there.

Any reason why you've not posted this in the sex topic?

Orgasm from sex alone? As opposed to....???

Maybe your partner needs to try new moves. I used to like oral but got bored. Mix it up?

There's a sex topic? I had no idea! I'll see if I can get this moved, thanks.

I guess whatever he’s doing doesn’t do it for you?

Anything down to three minutes from ready, half an hour from cold. Always tongue/fingers, PIV doesn't hit the spot, even when it's hitting the spot!

But everyone's different. Sounds like you've got him well educated on what works for you, but you need to keep yourself more engaged - I'm not surprised it takes longer if you're thinking about birds, butterflies, and whether you got the washing in! Your horn graph must be a wavy wavy line rather than a nice ramp.

I can't give any tips on that as it's not a problem I have - except when the bloody cats get in and start yowping, at which point we have to call it off, get rid, and pretty much start again. Which isn't all bad.

OK, I’ll bite!

Depends what else has been going on that day, how attentive he’s been throughout the day/evening, how long since we last did it, time of the month etc

Best case scenario, it’s more or less instant - if I haven’t seen him for a week, it’s the week before my period, he’s been affectionate in the preceding few hours, maybe a bit suggestive and very hands on, by the time he gets my knickers off I’m putty in his hands and I’ll have multiple orgasms for up to an hour.

If it’s the second time in a day, or he’s been distracted with work etc or just not so cuddly in the evening, or he’s pissed me off, if it’s the week after my period, or if I’m distracted then it can take longer.

Then he has to bring out the big guns in terms of talking dirty and slowing things right down. He can usually tell when I’m not getting there and reassures me that we’ve got all night and says let’s start again from the beginning, to take the pressure off. That works a treat.

Hi OP. We've moved this over to the Sex topic now, as you've requested. Hope you get some useful advice there.

For years it was literally an hour or more, even just masturbating. More recently it’s been quicker but that’s because I’m with someone who is more physically affectionate so it helps.

@AloneLonelyLoner physically affectionate in what way? Is it helpful as it puts you in the mood more?

Thanks @LouMumsnet

perhaps you should try yourself so you can know what does it for you then you can show your partner

I can masturbate at get there in minutes.. It seems to mostly be a mind block. It's happened with all my past relationships. The excitingness of everything being new wears off and I end up back here taking ages to orgasm and not ever feeling like my head is in the game.

Have you tried masturbating while your partner hokds you? It can be a lovely feeling?

Typo. Should have said “holds you”.

I just mean generally more ‘hands on’. So will stroke my back when I’m in front of him, regularly kiss me; just little things which make me more physically content, which I suppose in turn makes me more likely to orgasm when having sex. For what it’s worth when things have been bad I’ve lost my orgasm completely for years! I could masturbate for hours if I wanted and no peak. It’s veey frustrating.

Since you can get yourself off without problems, go for masturbating with/for each other, and/or self-diddling while PIV - gives you something far more interesting to do rather than lie back and think of England and drift away!

Also whenever you do start to mentally stray, switch positions or actively do something different. Don't just do nothing while he's having a long day at the orifice.

Thanks for all the advice, I'm happy to give anything a try. I think we need to start being more physically affectionate in general. Our two young kids have taken over everything and we're probably neglecting each other a bit too much.

@SpoonBlender long day at the orifice i had to read that a few times and then burst out laughing.

I take no credit - I got it from a friend at University (lamenting that her boyf wasn't very good at it) and I've been sharing the phrase ever since!