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Original poster

Please help - partner slept with someone else & he may have STI

29 replies

reesesnlove · 06/01/2019 03:49

My partner told me tonight that he slept with an escort last Friday. He slept with me the next day knowing what he'd done. Since he slept with this other woman he's worried he's caught an STI even though they used a condom (so he says). I petrified that I might have something but also that my son may have something because I'm breastfeeding him 😢 I'm so so scared. I can't believe he's done this to us and of course we are over now but all I care about is my son being ok! Where can I go and what can I do to find out if we've got something? My now ex has had an STI test but the results will take weeks and I can't sleep just thinking about the possibility that he's passed something onto us. Please if you have any advice do share it.

OP posts:
MrsCatE · 06/01/2019 05:36

Hand hold Flowers. Sorry this has happened to you. I would assume the majority of sex workers are very clued up about sexual health and ensure condoms are used. Your husband was a pig. I would also seek advice from a sexual health clinic.

MarieG10 · 06/01/2019 08:05

So terrible for you. I can't advise. I would guess most sex workers are as above says are very clued up, but there will be always some who are not. Has your ex not told you whether he used a condom, but also whether she gave him oral sex with or without a condom?

Yes...you will need an STI check but you have an awful few weeks to get full results I believe

So sorry for you. At least you are shot of him now

Original poster
reesesnlove · 06/01/2019 08:13

Thank you for the advice. He said he did use a condom but I don't really believe him as he lies so much about everything and anything. He didn't specify if they did anything other than sex such as oral, I don't really want to go into the details with him but I will definitely get a check. He says he feels as if he has got something as he's been feverish and his penis hurts. But he didn't care about passing anything onto me obviously, and for the past week he's sat there watching me feed our son and hasn't said anything. He said he wasn't even going to tell me. Can't believe I trusted someone for 6 years and he's just thrown it away and is having a go at me for not forgiving him.

OP posts:
Original poster
reesesnlove · 06/01/2019 08:14

He seems to think I should just forgive him as it's 'only the once'. He's being a complete arse.

OP posts:
EmmaC78 · 06/01/2019 21:56

Sorry he has done this to you. As pp have said you need to book yourself into the sexual health clinic and get checked. You deserve to be treated better Flowers

xpc316e · 06/01/2019 22:09

It is often the case these days that clinics will only accept you if you have symptoms. If you want to be tested, but have no symptoms, then you need to order a kit online.

www.icash.nhs.uk/contraception-sexual-health/postal-self-test-kits

TinyMarie · 08/01/2019 06:28

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely awful. Most STD clinics do walk ins where you can get a full screen there and then and wait about a week for results.
It's worth noting that some may ask you to come back after 3 months as some STD's don't show up for that long although they tend to be the rarer ones.

FoxSake · 08/01/2019 17:34

Yes as above, it takes 2 weeks before his tests would become positive and 3 months for blood so he will need retesting as currently too soon, try not to worry too much about the baby as i’m sure the risk would be minimal. The situation he has put you in is despicable though Flowers

Original poster
reesesnlove · 09/01/2019 10:00

Thank you for the replies. It's such a shame it'll take so long for things to show up on a test if he has anything but we'll have to wait and see. I'm so gutted, never expected this but nobody does and it's part of life :(

OP posts:
PleaseJustSayNo · 09/01/2019 15:31

Your child will be fine. You're extremely unlikely to have anything that will be passed on via nipple conact.

He's a dick, just get yourself the all clear and move on in your own time and way

Original poster
reesesnlove · 09/01/2019 19:13

His results have come back negative from the STI tests but he has another appointment next week too.

OP posts:
blinkerss · 09/01/2019 20:20

So sorry this happened to you. What a wanker. I'm breastfeeding my baby at the moment and would have the same worries as you. He's awful op. Best wishes for the future to you and your baby

MassiveMug · 09/01/2019 22:41

I feel for you OP as my stbxh did the same. He had a ons and also thought he’d caught something, we also went to the sexual health clinic to get checked.

I remember you have to wait around 3 months for an accurate testing though. STD’s are not really a concern as they can be treated with antibiotics, it’s HIV that is the main concern and that’s why you are advised to get re-checked after the 3 month window.

Hand hold Flowers

MassiveMug · 09/01/2019 22:43

He also only told me about his ons because he thought he’d caught something!

Original poster
reesesnlove · 09/01/2019 23:28

Yeah it's the HIV I'm scared of, and the huge waiting time to find out if it could be that. I'm sorry that happened to you Massive, no one deserves this at all and it's so heartbreaking. Men can be so selfish and awful. Thinking of you Thanks

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Original poster
reesesnlove · 09/01/2019 23:29

Thank you blinkerss. Hope your breastfeeding journey is going well Thanks

OP posts:
Sonneedshelp · 10/01/2019 23:05

Men can be so selfish and awful. Thinking of you

SOME men can be selfish and awful
SOME men can be nice

SOME women can be selfish and awful
SOME women can be nice

I'm sorry your male partner is a shit, but don't tar every make the same!

Sonneedshelp · 10/01/2019 23:07

*male

blinkerss · 11/01/2019 08:09

@Sonneedshelp give the woman a break! She's going through hell at the moment.

Ffs she's not meaning anything by it. It's just a passing comment!

We all know there are some lovely amazing men and women out there. But we also know that there are some complete twats out there (both genders). Honestly can't say anything these days without someone popping up to correct us on gender equality

Leave op alone.

TinyMarie · 11/01/2019 08:20

I agree! It's obvious that not all men and women are arseholes but I think given the circumstances, the OP is justified in being angry at the male species currently!

Sonneedshelp · 11/01/2019 11:27

I disagree, by OP stating all men are the same, it's minimising what this particular man has done.

It needs to be made clear this is not a typical male trait it's one that this particular man had chosen.

By giving the typical all man are bastards stance that is rife in MN it's making it somehow acceptable.

So, not all men are bastards, this one is so get rid!

Original poster
reesesnlove · 11/01/2019 11:30

Nowhere in this thread did I state 'all men are the same', I know they're not and I know what my partner has done is outrageous and unacceptable. Hence why I am so upset. I don't understand why you have commented if you have no real advice.

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Original poster
reesesnlove · 11/01/2019 11:30

@Sonneedshelp

OP posts:
Sonneedshelp · 11/01/2019 11:31

@reesesnlove my advice was he's a shit get rid.

Original poster
reesesnlove · 11/01/2019 11:32

I know that and I agree with you. It's just so hard and I'm so heartbroken after all the years we have had together and our three children.

OP posts:
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