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Original poster

Lapdances

45 replies

anon135 · 05/05/2018 16:38

Hi, I wanted to ask a fairly personal question. Are you expected by your DP/DH to give him a lapdance before sex to turn him on? He says he's very visual and that's what turns him on, but I don't feel I should have to go through a performance all the time just to have sex. He also tells me I'm not moving in the right way when I do choose to do one for him. I just feel uncomfortable doing it and I can't have a drink beforehand to relax about it because I'm pregnant! He does watch porn a lot so I wonder if it's warped his mind slightly and he expects more in real life. Should I just get on with it?

OP posts:
Smeddum · 05/05/2018 16:40

Nobody should be pressured to do something as part of sex that they feel uncomfortable with. Ever. It’s that simple.

Why does he insist on it if he’s only going to criticise anyway? Seems very mean to me, and horrible to make you feel crap when you’re only trying to do what he wanted. It’s also very unkind to be critical when you’re feeling vulnerable as it is!

CafeAuLait7 · 05/05/2018 16:45

You're his wife not a stripper! a lapdance now and again is fun but to have to do something that makes you uncomfortable everytime just to turn him on doesn't sound fair. can you suggest something else.?naught board games? a dirty book you can read outloud together? my husband who at the time was my boyfriend asked me for a dance adn i honestly felt so stupid and i was thinking too much and not enjoying it so i laid down and told him i wanted him to watch me pleasure myself and he could only join in when i told him i was ready. he loved it. he was honestly pounced when i gave him the go ahead.

also i would tell him while he may be visual you have to be turned on mentally first and making you dance for him and his comments about how you aren't doing it right just doesn't turn you on and you can't have sex atm.

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 05/05/2018 16:45

It's all about him isn't it? Does he make any effort to turn you on OP?

KinkyAfro · 05/05/2018 16:46

He sounds like a pig

applesisapple5 · 05/05/2018 16:49

Holy moly, I cant think of anything I'd want to do less than a lap dance while pregnant! Good on you for even entertaining the idea, YANBU!!!

FoxySamanthaPetersonTheCat · 05/05/2018 16:53

He sounds like a creep, a deeply unpleasant one at that.

No one should be forced, cajoled, nagged, blackmailed into doing anything sexual they don’t want to do. The fact you’re clearly uncomfortable about it and he still expects/demands it every time he or you wants sex is actually quite disturbing. I can not ever imagine feeling like having sex with my partner if he was upset or uncomfortable and I know he would say the same.

You don’t have to share but what’s the rest of your relationship like OP?

earlybirdhasanap · 05/05/2018 16:54

God. No way. My partner has never asked me to give him a lapdance and when I was pregnant all I wanted to do was nothing sex wise and that was not a problem.
He hasn't even got the decency to be nice and he's criticising you. I wouldn't be giving this man another lap dance Angry.

Cakeorchocolate · 05/05/2018 16:58

Not a chance. How on earth do people end up in long term relationships in situations like these!
No problem if both partners enjoy it but not when one doesn't want to.

freddomonster · 05/05/2018 16:59

He's "very visual". So he's telling you that he has sight and because of this you need to play stripper for him? Riiiigght..

Frankly I'd tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Angie169 · 05/05/2018 17:05

Any kind of fun and games can work between DPs but thats just what they should be FUN , if you are not enjoying it then stop . you do not need to be nasty just explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable .

Dose he do anything to turn you on without him getting pleasure from it ? Ask him to do a lap dance for you or a strip tease ( think Full monty )
Then when he realises how hard it can be to get it right .
I have a friend ( honestly not me Grin ) who walks around the house with DP when the are both stark naked bit by bit the will move closer to each other until they are stood very close and move their hands around each other about a inch away from touching also some times gently blowing on the more sensitive bits . it drives them both nuts

TemptressofWaikiki · 05/05/2018 17:07

I’d tell him you need some fantasy role play to turn you on too, like a sexy Masterchef cum Masseur for example, so he needs to cook a delicious meal and massage you for an hour before you feel in the mood for snoo-snoo… Grin

BrightonCalling · 05/05/2018 17:43

It sounds awful.

I have a friend whose ex husband required her to wear a particular item of old fashioned clothing every time they had sex. That went on for like 20 years.

Extras are good as an occasional way to jazz things up. But if thats the only way he can have sex then it stops being about you and him and starts becoming about just him and his fetish.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 05/05/2018 17:45

He sounds a delight, asks for a lapdance then tells you you're not moving right? Hmm He'd get a big fuck off from me, dick.

ArtBrut · 05/05/2018 17:49

Yeah, because being nagged by your husband into pretending to be someone whose body he has just paid for temporary use of is so sexy. Hmm

No, of course not, OP. How could you think this was normal? Ask him whether he'd also like his pregnant wife to think about him as a punter to be separated from his money.

MagicFajita · 05/05/2018 17:50

It is not 'normal' or acceptable to be expected to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

Don't even get me started on being told you're doing it wrong.

As pps have said op , your partner is a pig.

Shoxfordian · 05/05/2018 17:53

Is this a joke? I really hope so

No my dh doesn't expect this and if he did then I'd tell him I'd expect payment. If he wants to treat me like a stripper then he can pay me like one

gryffen · 05/05/2018 18:00

Eh - asking occasionally is fine as long as he does one for me but if hubby constantly asked I would show him the swivel move with my middle finger.

Saying that I'm a curvy lass so he needs a strong chair lol

If your not comfy or feel like he's controlling sex/foreplay then tell him to bolt and he can use Pam and her five sisters

53rdWay · 05/05/2018 18:05

That’s nonsense.

You should tell him you need him to do a dance first from now on, see how reasonable he finds that. You pick the dance of course. Saturday Night by Whigfield, the Charleston maybe?

Original poster
anon135 · 05/05/2018 18:07

Thanks for your responses. I feel bad about it but I'm just not that confident doing it, particularly as he gets critical! He currently has the hump with me as he wanted a lapdance and bj. I was happy to give the bj but not the lapdance, but now he doesn't seem to want anything while he's in a bad mood about it. The rest of the relationship is good, I haven't got any other complaints about it. This is why I feel like I'm being unfair to him. Didn't know if I'm acting like a total prude

OP posts:
Smeddum · 05/05/2018 18:14

He currently has the hump with me as he wanted a lapdance and bj

Creepy and childish. Sex is about intimacy and love, not a woman feeling that she has to comply with demands. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. He’s a dick.

MonochromeDog · 05/05/2018 18:18

You're a woman, not a bloody sex toy! Who the fuck does this guy think he is, Don Juan? Hmm

userabcname · 05/05/2018 18:19

Ugh what? No. Nagging sulky men demanding selfish sex acts in the bedroom are the biggest turn off ever. Tell him that. A lapdance and a bj?? Wow, he's all about your pleasure isn't he???!!! I hope you get some enjoyment out of your relationship OP as the sex side of it seems pretty shit.

RLOU88 · 05/05/2018 18:20

Your DH/DP is a cunt.

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 05/05/2018 18:20

I've been a pole dancer for 5 years.

I have NEVER given my husband a lapdance. He wouldnt expect me to either.

Motherofpooch · 05/05/2018 18:22

What about you getting a strip tease from him before he goes down on you?
He sounds like a massive twat

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