Miss sex

[haveandtohold]

I'm in a sexless marriage, I miss it.

Who else feels the same?

I can't believe it, after divorcing my first husband as I was unhappy I now find myself in a similar situation. I long for excitement and to be wanted. Seems like I'm a long way from it at the moment.
Just wanted to get it off my chest...

Thanks for the link. I’m finding it a very sad read and showed Dh.

Its crushing to read, especially when you connect with the stories so closely :( For me, reading it has really stripped away all the bullshit I tell myself about why DH is like this and how we will become 'normal'. I don't believe that anymore. I can't fix him. There isn't much hope. No idea where to go from here though...

I'm also in a sexless relationship. I miss the intimacy and feel I'm living with a friend. I love him very much, he's lovely, intelligent and we live well together in terms of sharing chores, etc. But underneath the perfect relationship (as others see it and have commented as much), we rarely have sex - twice this year so far, but typically max 6-8 times a year and it's usually over very quickly (probably because it's such a rare occurrence). No intimacy at all in between. We hug and may have a brief cuddle in bed but not in a sexual/intimate way and kiss on the cheek, no snogging.

In addition to this issue, he is reliant on me for social life. He makes no effort to maintain existing friendships and I think would be happy to stay at home forever with the odd meal out. It's boring and I feel the pressure on me to organise joint stuff.

Currently struggling with the decision of whether to stay and accept this is the way it's always going to be, leave in the hope of finding a new partner, or to suggest couples/sex therapy. If the intimacy was there I think i could cope with his lack of social life but the combo makes me fearful of our future in retirement. It's sad because we do get along so well and have shared goals but I think social connection with friends & community and intimacy are two non-negotiable fundamentals.

Thanks Baby dubs for posting this link. Will take a look.
When will spring - in similar boat to you. It's a tough one as other aspects of the relationship are good or at least function well. Ultimately, for me, it comes down to: is it too high a price to pay? Can I love with this? It's tough.

Sunlight

Totally agree re being tough. But I've been sitting on this for too long and it's getting me no where other than tying myself in knots. I need to make a decision and move forward in my life.

I think we function well as a couple on the surface - but dig down and there isn't much working well underneath :-(

Another one here. Yep, there's definitely the added stigma of being the wife who isn't getting any.

I could almost cope with the infrequent sex if there was intimacy. But that's gone too. Barely any hugs or proper kisses. Not much in the way of meaningful conversation.

I'm having an EA. He found out and I cut contact, but resumed it when, after an initial period of more sex and intimacy, things nosedived and ended up worse than before. He never initiates. And he gets defensive if I bring it up. I've tried everything over the years. Now I'm in the weird limbo of wanting more sex and intimacy, but not knowing how to want it with him anymore because I'm so used to being rejected and I'm resentful that he's forced me into celibacy in my prime. And if I'm being completely honest, even when we do have sex, I'm bored. He does the same things he's been doing for the last 15 years. I've tried to spice things up, but he's just not that way inclined. I'm not sure where we go from here other than just to co exist.