Never orgasmed with a partner

[FissionChips]

Am I the only one? On another thread people have mentioned about multiple orgasms and I’ve never even had an orgasm with a partner

Am I a freak? Don’t wish to hear any tips or tales etc , ain’t a perv.

Can you manage it alone?

Yes, if alone I can orgasm, but not multiple.

A lot of women can't orgasm through penetration alone. Most require clitoral stimulation. Nobody is a freak, neither you nor those women who can. Just find what works for you and a partner who you're happy with.

That makes me feel even more unusual - I don’t get any pleasure from clitoral stimulation. Perhaps I’m wired wrong down below?

Can I ask how you manage to orgasm alone, if not through clitoral stimulation?

I've never orgasmed from sex without a vibrator, I use a womaniser in conjunction with sex and now have multiple orgasms, really recommend it.

Don't think you're wired wrong, just different!

Still comes back to just find what works for you!

Vibrators don’t do anything for me either (Ive tried every toy going!).

I touch the other parts mimsy.

I suppose so lostin.

Could you bring yourself to orgasm with him?
Does he know what stimulation you need?

Yes I'm the same. Various issues - the stimulation I do for myself is very indirect and a particularly difficult sort of pressure for others to recreate, done in an awkward position for someone else to get involved. I'm almost never present in my own fantasies, they are always about other people (usually anonymous). In the rare times when I am fantasising about someone having sex with me, the orgasm is much harder to reach, much weaker and less satisfying. In the same way, if I'm masturbating in front of someone else, it's really hard to come. I also think that I have that issue about a bigger distance between clitoris and vaginal opening that is supposed to make orgasm from sex pretty much impossible.

It did happen - one time. I was extremely turned on and my dh did bring me to orgasm with his fingers. It was almost completely unpleasurable and unsatisfying, just a noticeable pattern of sensation, sort of circular around the clitoris., as if someone had projected a diagram onto me.

Can't help feeling I would need a huge programme of some kind of sex therapy to get anywhere with this, which seems a bit pointless when I can just give myself multiple orgasms in about thirty seconds flat. But I know I like it when my partners come (dh very rarely did) so I do feel I'm being selfish not pursuing it. Haven't found any answers yet. I wonder if one way forward might be to start slowly interrupting my own masturbation routine - e.g. by putting another hand in the way.

Glad (sort of) that I'm not the only one Blueberries. It occurred to me after my 100th reading of My Secret Garden and other Nancy Friday filth that a huge proportion of the fantasies were about the person having sex themselves. What a revelation! I think it's from too much reading as a child personally. I then noticed that when I am having a particularly fierce crush I do fantasise involving myself for a while. Having one at the moment that is nearly driving me mad with horniness, hence haunting the Sex board day and night. I do know him in real life but he's completely unattainable, I am reduced to watching his one very dull interview on Youtube [sigh]

Oh and I dropped into his office today to ask an unnecessary question because there's a picture of him up in reception [pathetic]

Back to the thread - having read the 'little something' thread maybe I should give a vibrator another go, at least it might allow me to break the relationship between orgasm and this impossible position I get into. I've always found vibrators completely useless in the past but haven't experimented that much. [muses]

Bloody hell! Had a proper go with a bullet yesterday, and have a large LH order arriving today . Not quite there but bloody close, and it was a lot more fun than most box set episodes. I think it will happen though. For fuck's sake (literally), I have had sex since before the Berlin Wall came down, with 14 different partners including two husbands, and I never just spent 40 minutes experimenting like that before. What a tit I am really. It doesn't make me feel hugely positive about all the guys either tbh. Like I wasn't worth as much time as a trip to Screwfix.

Have you seen the stock they have in Screwfix though

It isn’t good to know others have these issues.
I can’t orgasm if DH is in the room at all so I presume I have a psychological issue, though , I like said, I don’t get pleasure in areas that othwrs seem to either . Often wondered about a sex therapist but no clue really about all that.
I’ve tried bulleta etc, I feel nothing from them.

Also wondering why I didn’t name change for this

Sex therapy can be good. Ask your GP for advice on it? - might have to be private but they might know someone good. TBH I do think all of us who can orgasm but not with our partners do have some hope. A friend told me she learned to do it, mainly through serious commitment by her partner and herself. I do have trouble with the idea of letting go of control enough.

It is 99% psychological.

If you (and others) can orgasm on your own, then you are physically capable of it.

So if you can't with a partner, it means firstly you are too shy to explain what they need to do (and/or they're too shy/restricted to try/want to find out).

And your ability to orgasm is directly related to your emotional perception of the situation/yourself.

You need to sort out the thinking and the rest will follow.

Counselling.

@BlueberriesOnAStick same here.

When I made myself come in front of Dh for the first time, he said, there is no way I'll ever be able to do that!

As someone who has recently discovered shes capable of multiple orgasms after years (and years) of average, slightly lacking sex... I'd say if you can climax alone, keep experimenting! I also find it helps if your partner isnt obsessed with chasing your orgasm. It puts unnecessary pressure on you to climax which frankly, is the least sexy feeling in the world!

Norma, were there any specific things you felt really moved things forward? My friend who learned to do it said that one breakthrough was asking her partner to wash his hands before sex, for example - she had some mental barrier about dirty hands.

I don’t get pleasure in areas that othwrs seem to either

I would (and did) have said that before shaving my pubes off.

Jesus. Basically it was like getting oral through fabric, now it's directly on my clit.

Leave yourself a landing strip in case you're worried about "but you have no pubes so your partner is a paedophile" bullshit.