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Original poster

DP says he's bored sexually

32 replies

Thedogdaysareover10 · 08/01/2018 21:31

I'll try not to drip feed. He's 30 I'm 25. 1 DS 18 weeks preg with 2nd. DP mentioned he was bored sexually before we TTC but not really made a fuss but now he's basically saying he will walk if something doesnt change says he is too young to have 2.4 in bed every other day predictive sex - I get it I do and I don't want that either but he expects me to dress up or "think out the box"at least once a week and I just don't want too. Our relationship has been abit shit for a abit a rocky patch and it's making me not want to try??

It hurt me so much when he said he is bored sexually, even though he says our sex is amazing he wants me to be more spontaneous and think out the box but I can't seem to get into that frame of mind please can you all give me some tips and help on how I can be what apparently I used to be??

I do dress up occasionally we have done anal but it killed me I suck him off he ties me up done soft roleplay he has peed on me had sex in car sex outside... how can it get better for him??

Thanks x

OP posts:
Paintbox · 08/01/2018 21:36

I get that people differ sexually and that can sometimes be a big problem, but for you two to have two young kids and he says he will walk if things don’t get better sexually when you are already making an effort, is totally shit in my view. He is putting it all on you, what is he doing or suggesting to spice things up a bit??

MiserableAsSin · 08/01/2018 22:37

I've been on mumsnet she nice 2006 so 12 ish years now .

My first ever LTB.

MiserableAsSin · 08/01/2018 22:38

She nice ? Since . Damned autocorrect !

NotTheFordType · 09/01/2018 00:46

You've chosen to use him for sperm, he's used you for sex.

He's been very honest that he doesn't value your relationship and doesn't want children.

If I were you I'd start planning your future as a single mum.

Original poster
Thedogdaysareover10 · 09/01/2018 04:05

Paintbox thanks for the reply. He mentions things for example he will message me and ask me for a dirty picture And I will send him one and then he moans I only did it because he asked?? Or he has been asking for sex in the car at "some point" so after a kid free meal (very rare) we went on together between Xmas and new year I made that happen and afterwards he said I only did it because he asked multiple times? I would of done these things without being asked and asked I'm not shy with him or whatever just seems everything I do he says I wouldn't of of he didn't mither??

Miserable as sin I'm sorry I don't know what LTD means??

Not the ford type - think I've mislead you or you've read wrong my DS is from a previous relationship and DP has taken him on as his own and current DS/DD due in 5 months was planned by both of us

OP posts:
Original poster
Thedogdaysareover10 · 09/01/2018 04:08

LTB even sorry guessed it's leave the bastard?? I like it!

Part of me questioned doing that but I want to give it a go and give it my best shot first just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
lostincumbria · 09/01/2018 08:53

What's he doing for you? What do you want out of sex, what does he do that makes things special for you? Sounds to me like he's being incredibly lazy here, don't take this all on yourself. He sounds very manipulative. I understand him wanting you to be spontanei, it makes him feel wanted. But his statements seem very one way. Will be ever be happy?

And if he's genuinely threatening to leave, I'd be tempted to call his bluff.

Maverick66 · 09/01/2018 11:46

He is an immature knob!
It's all about him.
What about you?
Where is the love and respect and tenderness?

MiserableAsSin · 09/01/2018 12:45

I am just so upset for you that at 18 weeks pregnant he is threatening to 'walk' because pissing on you isn't enough to excite him.

Jessesbitch · 09/01/2018 19:15

I’m so angry for you. He sounds like an absolute xxxx. Its all about him. LTB.

TDHManchester · 09/01/2018 19:45

It sounds hurtful and abusive to me..

JustAnIdiot · 09/01/2018 19:46

You have already tried a lot more than a lot of people would have tried.

Has he actually said what he would like bet it's more anal ? Hmm

It's almost impossible to "be more spontaneous" - by thinking about being it, you just aren't!

I don't think he's right for you Sad - you could easily find someone less twattish

KinkyAfro · 09/01/2018 20:29

Does he satisfy you? It seems to be all about him

MiserableAsSin · 09/01/2018 20:43

He's playing mind games with you and threatening you whilst you are at your most vulnerable .

Original poster
Thedogdaysareover10 · 10/01/2018 08:21

Thank you all for your replies and support.
Tbh he doesn't make anything special for me the tenderness and respect is out the window on his part I think our sex is great sometimes he satisfies me sometime I'm in pain during and after I have endometriosis and sometimes it's very very bad.

When I ask him what he actually wants he just says be more spontaneous he never says what he actually wants at 18 weeks pregnant with a ds who is 6 being spontaneous isn't entering my head alot. I'm very depressed currently and trying keep my head above water is hard enough..

I think I need to start preparing to be a single mum again (ds previous relationship and single mum since he was 4 weeks old) absofuckibglutley shitting my pants....

Thanks all

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 10/01/2018 08:45

I get the impression you haven't been together very long, am I right? Whilst being enthusiastic and spontaneous might make him feel wanted, I can only imagine that being threatened and described as boring might make you want him less. Or at least it should, because if someone coerced me I wouldn't want sex with them.

DP and I have all sorts of sex, (BDSM) and we also have slow spooning pyjama wearing sex under the duvet with the lights off. Because he loves me and desires me I only need to be next to him for him to want to. A man should be like this if he really loves you. Just wanting to be close to you, the more adventurous stuff is just icing on the cake.

Your partner probably doesn't love you if he thinks issuing threats to you whilst you are carrying his child is acceptable. And he is right mithering and threatening simply denies any possibility of you being spontaneous.

I can well believe you are depressed, is he this much of an abusive twat in other areas of your relationship?

f83mx · 10/01/2018 10:11

He sounds delightful doesn't he - putting pressure on you whilst pregnant for sex and threatening to leave you. Yey what a man. Sorry to sound brutal but grow some big balls and kick the fucker out.

Paintbox · 10/01/2018 11:28

Op I’m sorry you are feeling low. I’m not surprised though, given the way your partner seems to disrespect you, that’s a lonely feeling. I think you know you don’t want to be with him forever. That would be a life of misery by the sound of it. you can do much better and find someone who respects you and loves you. Good luck

Original poster
Thedogdaysareover10 · 10/01/2018 16:50

Minitheminx thanks for your reply and thank you all aswell.

Mini - your correct we have been together just over a year ish. That's exactly how I feel when he calls me boring I don't exactly want to run upstairs and get the blindfolds and massage oil out...i am.open to all sorts of sexual things I'll try anything but when he is like this like you said I don't exactly feel like that. We have never really "made love" he always wants it to be dirtier or else he says he's bored. He is abusive I am ashamed to admit he is very controlling, today for example he has kicked over via messages all day because I've put make up on to go to the hospital with my aunty for an appointment and now because I won't be home for 4pm he has said he isn't coming home at all this evening...controlling and manipulating as much as I don't want to admit it...

I do need to grow some big balls and get him gone I just don't feel strong enough 😟

OP posts:
MiserableAsSin · 10/01/2018 21:54

Op ask for this thread to be moved to relationships .
I don't want to sound harsh . I care . Why are you posting in the sex topic for sex tips to make it more fun for him ? This should be at the bottom of your list right now . He sounds truely awful and I hope you get out fast.

AkimboLimbo · 10/01/2018 22:23

This isn't a sex problem, it's an arsehole problem.
You deserve so much better.
No decent bloke treats their girlfriend like this.

Shoxfordian · 11/01/2018 13:38

Ltb

Eleanorsummer · 11/01/2018 15:38

Leave him. He sounds awful. Has he been making an effort by dressing up and being spontaneous? Why should it all be on you!?

JustAnIdiot · 12/01/2018 07:21

Good idea, Miserable

JustAnIdiot · 12/01/2018 07:30

Good idea, Miserable

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