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Original poster

Did he disrespect my body or am I out of order?

45 replies

Stressalot42 · 14/10/2017 21:27

So DH and I been together a long time, he’s got higher sex drive than me. If he’s initiated, I’m not in the mood m, I’ve very often offered to wank him etc.

I’ve no issue with this, love to see him react, love to his smile... absolutely happy to do it.

Unusually, I recently been wanting it and he hasn’t. He got quite nasty when, , I’d suggested he repaid the “favour”. I’d assumed he’d get the same “happy” feeling l got when pleasing him.

So he agreed (reluctantly) after a few minutes I felt uncomfortable, said “hey be more gentle” he then said “you can’t possibly be enjoying this” at that time I realised he was deliberating trying to hurt me!

I obviously stopped everything there and then!

But why would he do that? Lack of respect for my feelings or I was out or order to ask something that he’d not offered?

OP posts:
AntiHop · 14/10/2017 21:29

What the hell? He was deliberately trying to hurt you? That assault!

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 14/10/2017 21:30

Oh god!

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 14/10/2017 21:32

What?! Why would he do that? That's not a normal response.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 14/10/2017 21:33

I mean halfhearted wouldn’t be the best, but perhaps begrudgingly accepted but to lite4al do something he thought you wouldn’t like, may hurt you is awful

gamerchick · 14/10/2017 21:33

He was petulant and showed it.

Next time he hints at a handjob ask him if he’s sure after what he did to you.

Personally I would be having a think on whether the relationship needs a bit more thought and that.

Git, it’s not that much of a hardship!

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 14/10/2017 21:34

But in fairness, I did say “but I’ve done it for you” which might make him feel pressured?

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 14/10/2017 21:38

In fairness? There is no 'in fairness' here. He deliberately hurt you when he should have been giving you pleasure.
I do think (not that it changes his behaviour) that wanking a partner off when they are horny and you aren't is a weird dynamic. I get that you enjoy it but lots of people don't and I'd feel resentful if someone tried to persuade me to wank them off when I made it clear I wasn't in the mood.
His behaviour was awful though. He should have just said no.

Ttbb · 14/10/2017 21:43

You were both being unreasonable here. If he didn't want to do it you should have guilt tripped him into doing it. Like you said you enjoy it, he clearly doesn't. He should not expect sexual favours from you if he is unwilling to perform them himself. He also shouldn't have hurt you.

Isadora2007 · 15/10/2017 19:22

He was totally out of order trying to hurt you.
That aside, you say you offer to help him in lieu of sex. But when you wanted sex and he didn’t, he didn’t offer. You then guilted him into doing it. That was wrong too.

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 15/10/2017 20:05

Fair comment, I probably shouldn’t have guilt tripped him. I do give willingly, I suppose I just couldn’t understand why he would not want to do the same. I know we are all different.

Having said that, I’ve lost some trust in him. He could’ve said no, but hurting me not only physically hurt me but mentally I’m very very disturbed by it.

Not sure where we go from here, I’ve found it hard to fully relax with him since. I’ve found myself to being just that bit not holding back and not relaxed.... just in case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressalot42 · 15/10/2017 20:09

*bit holding back and not relaxed

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/10/2017 20:21

id be pissed off if id dutifully regularly given someone pity-sex when i hadnt been properly in the mood, and then they couldnt bloody finish me off when I wanted it one time.

Of course you should never feel obliged to give someone pity sex, or any kind of sex and nor should he in return. Hes probably shot himself in the foot now, as im sure you wont be guilted into anything anymore

Butterymuffin · 15/10/2017 20:31

Out of order. He could have said no, and having said yes he could at least have done it with good grace. I think you need to tell him you need to talk about what was in his head that time before your sex life resumes.

seven201 · 15/10/2017 20:41

That's not ok. Have you talked to him about it since?

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 15/10/2017 20:44

Yes we’ve talked but he just shrugs his shoulders and says “it felt wrong and I didn’t want to continue”

But to hurt me???

He’s not seeing this as important, it’s important to me.

As I say since I’ve felt on edge.

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 15/10/2017 20:44

Sounds horrible

AdalindSchade · 15/10/2017 20:48

He's admitted he hurt you because he wanted to stop? Fuck

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 15/10/2017 20:51

Yes he totally knew he was hurting me, I have no doubt whatsoever it was a deliberate act!

OP posts:
DaisysStew · 15/10/2017 20:51

If it felt wrong he should have said no, not tried to hurt you so you ask him to stop. That's completely out of order - how are you supposed to trust him not to hurt you again during sex/fore play? What would his reaction be if you weren't really in the mood and rather than say so you just digged your nails right into his scrotum? Bet he wouldn't be minimising it then.

It'd be a long time (or more than likely never again) before I went near him again sexually.

Butterymuffin · 15/10/2017 20:52

I would want to ask him why he didn't just say that, then, and why he was trying to hurt me.

IrregularCommentary · 15/10/2017 20:55

Knowing that it was deliberate, and that he doesn't seem to be able to see what the problem is, I honestly don't know if if could get past that.

Quartz2208 · 15/10/2017 20:59

I think he was out of order to hurt you in order to get you to stop

How is your relationship outside of this

HerOtherHalf · 15/10/2017 21:03

Putting the guilt tripping and who does what for who to one side because that is not the most important issue here. He deliberately and maliciously hurt your vagina. I don't see how you can forgive that or ever trust him intimately again. It's beyond vile and there is no justification, mitigation or excuse.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/10/2017 21:07

His behaviour makes me feel quite sick. He could have said no but instead he deliberately hurt your genitals. Not just for a split second and regretted it instantly but for some time deliberately. To make it worse he is saying that you are unreasonable to complain.

Now you a woman who has been physically abused by her husband. I wonder what he will do next.

I'm not surprised you feel awful.

Has he used his physical presence to intimidate you before?

Original poster
Stressalot42 · 15/10/2017 21:17

I need to go away and think seriously don’t I?

OP posts:
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