Did he disrespect my body or am I out of order?

[Stressalot42]

So DH and I been together a long time, he’s got higher sex drive than me. If he’s initiated, I’m not in the mood m, I’ve very often offered to wank him etc.

I’ve no issue with this, love to see him react, love to his smile... absolutely happy to do it.

Unusually, I recently been wanting it and he hasn’t. He got quite nasty when, , I’d suggested he repaid the “favour”. I’d assumed he’d get the same “happy” feeling l got when pleasing him.

So he agreed (reluctantly) after a few minutes I felt uncomfortable, said “hey be more gentle” he then said “you can’t possibly be enjoying this” at that time I realised he was deliberating trying to hurt me!

I obviously stopped everything there and then!

But why would he do that? Lack of respect for my feelings or I was out or order to ask something that he’d not offered?

It's just such a horrid thing to do to someone- take this thing that is supposed to be fun and loving and do that on purpose

Oh my goodness, that's made me feel a bit queasy stress. All he had to do was say "sorry love but I'm really not in the mood". Instead he chose to deliberately hurt you in a very intimate and personal way. Please listen to your inner voice that is making you uneasy around him.

Thanks all for your views, I needed the clarity.

We’ve had sex since this, but I’m very stressed with it, holding back and ready to call a halt if things seem wrong. So Please rest assured I’m on my guard, he won’t be able to hurt me again.

Thanks again

That's good to hear. He deliberately hurt you. Awful behaviour. Don't forget it.

Would you think it acceptable for him to hurt you for any other reason - doubt it very much.

Asked him to pass you a mug so he slams it down on your hand because he didn’t want to.

You held his hand , he crushes your fingers together because he didn’t want to.

You ask him if he could vacuum the hall , he rams the hoover into the back of your legs as he was tired and didn’t want to.

Any request which is answered with a violent response is unacceptable.

A simple ‘no , sorry’ is all that’s needed. There is never an appropriate time to deliberately hurt someone to show they didn’t want to do something.

Tris whole situation makes me really uncomfortable.

He deliberately hurt you?! WTF?

But at the same time, you got someone who clearly wasn't in the mood to get you off...?

I cannot believe there are women attempting to blame you and minimise what he did. To try to hurt and intimate partner out of malice is shocking behaviour. There aren't any excuses.

Very uncomfortable reading lass.

Have you talked to him and asked why he hurt you on purpose?

I'd be holding back on all counts now as that's a level of broken trust I'd have a serious issue with.

This really disturbed me.

Someone you love and trust the most purposely hurting you in the most intimate way. Despicable.

Please think long and hard about whether this is the man for you.

Gosh OP this is really awful and frightening for you. Do you have real life support?
You don’t have to have sex with him if you don’t want to. I’m actually surprised you have since that incident.
Do you know what you want to do?

He will be able to hurt you again
He might not choose to, but he is certainly able to

Initially I slept with him again because I just wanted everything to be ok again. Does that make any sense? I suppose I liken it to the woman who emotional bond with sex after a partners affair.

Now I’m not so sure, it’s become very haunting for me. I’m nervous and holding back a lot. Things have definitely taken a severe down turn.

I’ve not told anyone in RL, I need to decide if this is game over, I’m giving it a lot of thought.

He has no explanation and he swings from sorry to making out it’s no big deal.

Life is shit sometimes

Next time he hints for a wank tell him your new technique is hitting his penis with a meat tenderiser. .

Unfortunately he's probably destroyed your trust in him sexually. It's pretty much impossible to come back from that.

At the very least you should probably take some time apart, give yourself time me away from him and the relationship and really do some soul searching, he sounds mean and I’m not sure you can ever trust him sexually again.

I'm with Santa on this one.

God, that's horrendous. Deliberately hurting your genitals because he wasn't in the mood?! He ain't the man for you (or anyone, frankly).

He needs to be shown the door....>>>SLAM.

I cannot believe there are women attempting to blame you and minimise what he did.

^
This

You wanted sex, but he didn’t, so you suggested him to reciprocate what you do routinely to him.... To call that ‘guilt-tripping’ is an excessively harsh way of looking at that, but be as that may, to bring that into a discussion on what was sexual assault by your partner, and implying there is some kind of equivalence, is mind-blowingly minimising of his behaviour.

You were both being unreasonable here. If he didn't want to do it you should have guilt tripped him into doing it. Like you said you enjoy it, he clearly doesn't. He should not expect sexual favours from you if he is unwilling to perform them himself. He also shouldn't have hurt you

Can’t believe what I’m reading here... it’s so depressing. Someone has been sexually assaulted and you’re making that equivalent with her suggesting that he do something that she routinely does willingly for him. At worst she committed a minor transgression here, and not in the same league as his assault.

Do you, and others routinely minimise this kind of thing? Would you also say to a woman for being raped who had, say, forgotten to record a tv programme earlier in the evening, “yes, he raped you, but then you should have recorded that show you said you would”?