Have put a bit of weight on and am avoiding sex with DH - someone please tell me I am being ridiculous!

[SecretMagicThings]

I'm normally slim but have gained a tummy over the summer holidays. DH hasn't said anything but it is fairly obvious (clothes don't fit) so I'd be surprised if he hadn't noticed.

Realised tonight I have avoided sex or being touched in general the last few nights (despite feeling up for it) as I am a bit self conscious . Can somebody shake me out of it please? Don't know whether to just mention it so it's out there or whether to hide under the covers.

We have been together forever so it shouldn't be a big deal.

Kind of having the same issue, although I haven't lost any weight since having our child 3 years ago. I do have a medical condition that has made it impossible to lose any weight, but i still feel really self conscious. Other things are getting in the way for me to 'make a move' like work/kids etc...we only had sex once this past month and it was awkward.
Sorry I don't have any advice, but my plan is once an opportunity arises I'm going to turn the bloody telly off and just go for it.

Oh yes, totally get the work and kids thing too.

Heh? You know it doesn't matter.

I know it shouldn't matter, it's more with clothes on to be honest that I am self conscious as there is an obvious overspill!

Wondering whether to say something so it's out there or perhaps I should just chill out.

Is it just your tummy or have you put on weight everywhere as well as tummy? If it's just tummy then maybe you should get checked out by docs first and foremost.

If it's weight everywhere, have you been eating differently? Overeating? If so, do you know why - what's changed?

As for the sex - I doubt your dh had noticed your tummy as much as you, or if he has, he would care more about having sex than about the tummy! Why not get an earlier night and instigate something, see what happens?

It's everywhere really but more noticeable on tummy although fair point about getting checked out if only tummy. Basically entirely self inflicted, off with kids most of the summer and have done none of my regular exercise.

Think he has noticed but yes he would definitely care more about the sex . He's asleep now but will bite the bullet tomorrow or the next night.

Tomorrow never comes. By tomorrow it has become today. You are over thinking this! Confident, sexy wife bests hesitant one any day. Sex is also exercise so it's good for you. And that closer to your oh feeling the next day is the best boost xx

I do have a bad tendency to overthink! Maybe need to have some energetic sex was hoping he would do most of the work.

You said to say you are being ridiculous. Well you are!
So there is a bit more of you now than previously, so what? Your DH will have noticed anyway and you ought to understand that he could NEVER get away with commenting.
If you know it is due to less exercise and more biscuits then fine, it is (sort of) under control, and can be corrected if not get checked.

Thanks, you are right it is ridiculous!

He doesn't care - he'd rather have sex than not with his wife no matter how she looked.

Also yes! Communicate! I'm astounded somehow how people can have married someone but not feel comfortable enough to share their struggles!

Also just to help- looking down makes tummys look far bigger than looking at someone

In the nicest possible way... you're being ridiculous (you did say to tell you! )
I suggest waking him up right now and getting down to it. No time like the present.
We all change a bit over time. My DH is much fatter than when we got together 5 years ago. I only care from a health perspective for him, but I still fancy him as much.

Will give my head a good shake .

I'd try and have a light hearted chat to him about it, along the lines of how you are feeling and how you are missing him. It will be good for both of you to realise that your love and respect for each other is based on more than just your outward shape. It will be easier for you to start treating your body better, if you are coming at t from love, rather than hate. All the best.

You've managed to become fat within less than 6 weeks? What on earth have you been eating?!

Thanks Finally.

Argy, well to be honest it's not that I'm fat, just have gone up a dress size and feel I have obviously put on weight, jeans won't do up.

Have spent the school summer holidays eating crap and doing very little exercise. Sheer laziness!

Agree you're being ridiculous. I know what you mean though having been tiny my entire adult life until three kids and c-sections. Since last was born last year I've used daily sex as part of my exercise regime and it's worked brilliantly. My weight is down (although there's still more toning up required) and, more importantly, my self esteem has never been so high. We've managed to dtd pretty much every night for the past 13 months and our relationship is better than ever. After 23 years together it feels like the first year together.

My advice is talk about it and make a pact. It's worked for us and we have no intention of stopping the "exercise"

Sex as exercise - did it really help you lose weight ? Have just let myself go really and feel a bit embarrassed.

Oh ffs just let it all hang out he's your DH, he'll take you as you are. I've been a size 10 and a size 16 plus 2 pregnancies and 2 postpartum periods. DH's response to sex has always been "yes please". Literally every single time.

Yes i lost most of the weight very enjoyably and dp was happy to oblige whatever size i was.

That sounds promising!

rainbow, I need to embrace that a bit more I think. Have been trying to hold my tummy in during sex which has not exactly been relaxing . Need to be more confident about it.

My wife's weight has fluctuated quite a fair bit over the years (between a size 10 and a size 16) and quite frankly I couldn't care less. I would care very much though if I felt she was emotionally withdrawn or avoiding intimacy and I didn't know why. Obviously I'm not your husband and have no way of knowing if our minds work the same way but if he's not said anything I think you're jumping to conclusions.

Dammit lass. You're up for it and he's not given you any reason to think he isn't either. Don't just give your head a shake. Give your ass a good one too and every other part of the beautiful body mother nature gave you. The sexiest asset any partner can have is enthusiasm.

HerOtherHalf, very true, he's not implied he's not up for it so will try to stop stressing about it :)